Am I a CF? To think that she wants to say no but doesn't know how?

[nomeansno1]

I’m starting work soon, and asked a mum friend of mine if she could look after DS3, Monday-Thursday 9-1pm, and take him nursery at 1pm just until Christmas. He’s at nursery from 1-4pm.

In return I will pick her kids up from school everyday, and take them to their activities and drop them home. They go to the same school and do the same activities/clubs as my older two children.
I asked her because she has a DD a year younger than my DS, lives opposite me, and she knows the nursery as her DC use to go there. She’s always said if I needed help, I should just ask. I just want her to help me out in the mornings.

I sent her the message yesterday, she has read it but hasn’t replied. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m coming off as a CF, and she wants to say no, but doesn’t know how. I’d rather her just say no, then completely blank me. It’s awkward, don’t know what to do now

But the point is you would have to pick you kids up anyway so would be doing it regardless...

Surely, OP's absence means it's not a reverse? She's too embarrassed to come back to the thread.

@nomeansno1 you would be doing that any way though OP. You aren't doing anything extra.

Are you going to text her to cancel so she doesn't have to think of an excuse? I would feel so awkward if I was her.

@nomeansno1 Does she need help with those things? If not then it doesn't really matter whether they're additional things or not - they're not a suitable trade-off for the high ask you're seeking.

Why is it only until Christmas?

Kudos for coming back after taking such a burning @nomeansno1 but even with your trying to justify it with points 1 and 2, it is nowhere near balanced. You'd be taking your kids anyway. It's a very, very long way off making up for what you've asked for if you're trying to offer a fair favour in return.

A@AloeVeraLynn no I'm not gonna text her, I'm gonna see her tomorrow at school run, so I'm just gonna say I've realised it's properly too much to ask and apologise. I wish I've come here on MN before I sent the text

Who's going to take over at Christmas, OP?

Would you do the same for her?

Bloody hell!
Just text the poor woman NOW!
I bet she's dreading seeing you..
Put her out of her misery fgs.

I would text her now saying that you’ve had a rethink- she’s probably dreading seeing you tomorrow and might spend a night worrying about how to tell you ‘no’.

I was a sahm until very recently.

I was happy to have my friends kids on inset days, snow days etc. Once her dd had a cold so she was bought to me & wrapped up on my big squishy sofa with lemsip & the tv. I've done all sorts & she also helps me when needed. However, even as a sahm with all kids in school no way would i agree to what you are asking.

Text her, she's probably searching for a way to miss the school run tomorrow!

@nomeansno1 please just tell her you are sorted with childcare and to forget about the text. If you meet her tomorrow and say it was probably too much to ask of her, it sounds as if you are just guilting her into saying she will do it. I think her lack of response today clearly shows she does not want to do it.

Fair play for coming back OP.

And I agree with PP. Please text her now. She's going to be cringing at the prospect of running into you.

How could it be a reverse though? There is no “reverse” side surely? OP on the CF side thinks she’s being a CF and neighbour on the reverse side probably thinks she’s being a CF

It’s a somewhat bonkers idea though. I have worked with people who have arrangements like this though

I would text her straight away apologising and saying you must have been having a mad moment and of course it was a ridiculous request. You're not doing anything different to what you normally would by her kids tagging along with you for a walk, while she has a random extra kid for four whole mornings a week so that you can earn a wage while abusing her free time?! OP you're INSANE if you think that's fair!! I mean unless she really hates the pick up walks or something..

Yes it could have been a reverse written by the friend.

You’re asking for a lot more than she’s getting in return. Picking her kids up from school and taking them to clubs is no extra effort for you because you’ll be doing the same for your own kids anyway. However, she will be expected to look after your child 4 half days per week.

I expect she meant the odd hour here or there when she offered to help you out. Not actual childcare with no offer of payment.

She might like the walk after school.

You have to understand what a huge undertaking looking after a toddler for 16 hours a week would be? I don’t understand how you think that’s ok. It would impact her most days an affect her entire day and time with her own child. I am flabbergasted that you thought this was ok.

@WorraLiberty After Christmas I was going to use the money I make while she's looking after DS3 to pay for a childminder in January. God, that's sounds horrible reading that

Also Op there have been cases where Ofsted have gotten involved where people have been caring for children who are not related to them even if money is involved. It was seen as unregistered childminding

This is something I've only ever heard of on Mumsnet. How would they monitor this? If I wanted to mind a family members or friends child how can anyone possibly tell me that I can't?

OP were you expecting your friend to make your DS lunch 4 days a week too? Seeing as most nurseries feed the kids around 12.

Definitely text her and tell her to ignore your previous request! Don't make the poor woman have to face you tomorrow.

@pinkyredrose hands on heart I would, if I was at home with DS, and she needed help with childcare until Christmas.