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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband STILL isn't up.

169 replies

ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:05

H still isn't up. I work FT whilst he's a SAHP. DC were up at 8am (we had a rough night) and I got up. Been up twice to get him to come and yet nothing. I do all the night feeds with DC2. Earlier on in the week he said he wasn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore. He's going on holiday alone next week so I had to take a weeks holiday to watch the kids (we were not welcome to join him). AIBU to be mega pissed off?

OP posts:
LoonyLunaLoo · 27/10/2019 13:07

What the hell are you doing with this man?? I presume it’s your money he’s spending on his holiday?

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 13:08

It sounds as though your marriage is all but over.

Is it worth trying to salvage?

Why doesn't he want to be with you anymore?

relax2 · 27/10/2019 13:08

YANBU send the kids to jump on him!

MonsterMashedSpud · 27/10/2019 13:09

On holiday alone.....right, alone....

Kick his arse out.

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:09

Because I love him. I'm loathing him right now but I still love him even though he's probably leaving me. Paranoid that he'll do something next week Sad

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 13:09

I presume it’s your money he’s spending on his holiday?

The OP has said he's a SAHP.

How does that make their money just hers?

PickAChew · 27/10/2019 13:10

I think you have to accept that he wants to be a single man, unfortunately. Act on it now. No more cooking for him, doing his laundry or anything that benefit him more than you and the kids.

And make sure you have copies of finances, money he can't touch and have established all your legal rights. His holiday should give you the privacy to have a good sort out.

BillieEilish · 27/10/2019 13:10

Well this sadly may be a permanent situation for you in the future so I would tread carefully and think carefully about what outcome I wanted.

This could be life, not just a one off. Sad He obviously isn't happy being a SAHP. Are you happy with the situation? What are the alternatives?

Geschwister4 · 27/10/2019 13:11

I would be mega pissed off tbh. When I was a sahm I did all the getting up in the night stuff on the basis that DH needed to sleep for the day at work, but I would not have been impressed if he was not working and did not do his share. Going on holiday and not inviting you is horrible- how is he paying for his little jaunt?

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 27/10/2019 13:11

He's going on holiday on his own? I doubt it op, seriously.

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 13:11

To be clear, I'm not saying he should spend their money on a holiday, just that if he's looking their family while the OP works outside of the home, it's not just her money.

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:12

@BillieEilish he very much WANTS to be a SAHP. Never met anyone so work phobic. Forced me to go back to work 7weeks PP full time (didn't get mat pay) and 2weeks part time sfter DC1

OP posts:
Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:12

Btw I'm a LT poster but NC'd for this.

OP posts:
JesusHRooseveltChristAgain · 27/10/2019 13:12

I think you've got bigger problems than the fact he's not up by 1pm on a Sunday!

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:13

@Geschwister4 his mum is paying and I have to pay her back come payday next month.

OP posts:
Booboooo · 27/10/2019 13:13

Were is he going? And how long has it been in the pipeline?

GrumpyHoonMain · 27/10/2019 13:13

You need to remind him that in the event of a split he might end up being the resident parent. If he can’t handle the kids now what will he do when you split up?

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:13

@Booboooo trip around the U.K. (like a tour, not a random destination trip). Six days.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 27/10/2019 13:13

he very much WANTS to be a SAHP. Never met anyone so work phobic. Forced me to go back to work 7weeks PP full time (didn't get mat pay) and 2weeks part time sfter DC1

And yet you love him?

You need to get over that fast and get rid of him.

Much easier said that done but at the same time, you know you have no future with this man and he sounds like a dreadful example to your children.

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:14

@WorraLiberty only person I ever have even though I'm resenting him big time right now.

OP posts:
PulpPixie · 27/10/2019 13:15

LooneyLunaLou

So a woman who stays at home is spending the mans money as well?

BillieEilish · 27/10/2019 13:15

Well, he is not happy somewhere? Where is it?

No point in being 'pissed off' that is obvious, you need to see whatever the bigger picture is.

This could be your life going forward. Could you pay for childcare? 'work phobic' does not describe me, I am a SAHP. It's endless work.

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:15

I know it seems ridiculous but messed up childhood and I've never felt true love from someone until I met him.

OP posts:
EggysMom · 27/10/2019 13:15

Please tell me that you don't have a joint bank account ... As if you do, he'll go on that holiday, empty your account and not come back.

Cut off his money, see how he reacts. I think it'll become clear to you at that point whether the next step is to cut him out of your life.

AloeVeraLynn · 27/10/2019 13:16

He probably won't leave you OP. He wouldn't have you to pay for him to live if he left.
He's a waste of space. Get rid.

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