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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband STILL isn't up.

169 replies

ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:05

H still isn't up. I work FT whilst he's a SAHP. DC were up at 8am (we had a rough night) and I got up. Been up twice to get him to come and yet nothing. I do all the night feeds with DC2. Earlier on in the week he said he wasn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore. He's going on holiday alone next week so I had to take a weeks holiday to watch the kids (we were not welcome to join him). AIBU to be mega pissed off?

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 27/10/2019 15:53

Have you searched for her threads or do you read a lot of posts ? :)

It's no good assuming we all follow posters around the forum , know where they live and what they have said previously and MN considers it bad form actually to bring up other threads.

BUT it would help if the OP included important details.

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 27/10/2019 15:54

Why on earth are you asking if you're being unreasonable??

JinglingHellsBells · 27/10/2019 15:55

@Blahblahblahnanana Husband is travelling round the UK so at least he won't g et much sunning LOL! Intrigued as to how someone so lazy can travel round the UK (on his own?) and wonder if he's going by car or whatever! Does not stack up to me at all.

Blahblahblahnanana · 27/10/2019 15:58

@JinglingHellsBells OP mentioned that other info has been given on her other threads, I agree some background info would be useful in her original post as it will help people give her advice.

@ifhink if you’re in Scotland you’ll need to check out the rules for housing for UC and councils discretionary housing payments as the rules may be different to England.

seeingdouble2 · 27/10/2019 16:03

Wouldn't it be a terrible shame if his passport went missing (if going abroad) then kick his sorry ass out of the house. You love him but he has no respect for you, easier said than done. Whatever you decide wishing you and your kids the best ☺

Blahblahblahnanana · 27/10/2019 16:03

Oh, I’ve just seen that he’s having a road trip round the UK! 🥶 ok I’d leave him to it and move out whilst he’s freezing his tits off whilst he finds himself! 🙄

MumW · 27/10/2019 16:09

@Geschwister4 his mum is paying and I have to pay her back come payday next month.
Was this holiday and the spending of family money discussed and agreed?

Won't brush DD1's teeth so I have to, often leaves her in a nappy all day (clean but no clothes), does no domestic work (I do laundry, tidying our room etc) but they're fed.
That's not a SAHP.

Afraid that you aren't being loved or cherished. This is not a relationship.

JinglingHellsBells · 27/10/2019 16:17

How much if any childcare is the FIL doing (and the gran?) in all of this?

How can they see a child in a nappy but not dressed? If you mean no clothes= nothing but a nappy, that is child abuse and he ought to be reported to SS and the rest of the adults in the house too.

LoveNote · 27/10/2019 16:21

so you live in fil house?

MutedUser · 27/10/2019 16:23

Sounds to me like he has depression. Like something has snapped in him and he is just giving up caring. Are you worried he will do something stupid? Does he need to visit a GP ?

ButtonMoonLoon · 27/10/2019 16:23

For starters cancel your wages being transferred into his account!
I would use the time whilst he is away to get your ducks in a row and get out of this mess of a relationship.

JinglingHellsBells · 27/10/2019 16:23

so you live in fil house? They do- read the thread.

Beveren · 27/10/2019 16:44

Why do you have to pay his mother back? Tell her to recover the holiday cost from the person who took the holiday.

Span1elsRock · 27/10/2019 17:01

Is this one of those half term "stirring the hornets nest" sort of posts..........

As I can't imagine anyone being this much of a doormat in RL.

BrendasUmbrella · 27/10/2019 17:07

Wow, he really did a number on you. This isn't even cocklodging, it's one man and his human slave.

If this is real, which I'm having a hard time believing, use next week to get some urgent legal advice and decide what you want to do.

BrendasUmbrella · 27/10/2019 17:09

And he is not a SAHP.

The only plus about this is that he probably won't want to be a full time carer for the dc's if (or God willing when) you leave him. On the other side, he'll definitely want your money... See a lawyer.

CatsOnCatnip · 27/10/2019 17:15

Wait, he’s a SAHP but doesn’t even change your baby’s nappy or brush her teeth, does no work around the house and expects you to pay for his holiday without you? Is this for real?

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 17:31

I didn't say he didn't change the nappy, I said he leaves her in JUST her nappy. Yes this is real.

OP posts:
Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 17:32

He's just said MIL will give it to him as his Xmas gift. One less thing I suppose.

OP posts:
CatsOnCatnip · 27/10/2019 17:51

Sorry, OP, I misread. Still, that isn’t great. Guessing he’s not taking the kids out then? Sounds like bare minimum effort for an easy life with all the perks. Regardless of wether his mother will pay (I can see where his attitude stems from) this is not right.

Steerpike902 · 27/10/2019 18:22

I'm sorry OP. But this isn't love. He's taking you for a ride. Let him go for a holiday and change all the locks. Call his bluff, he's using leaving you as leverage for something. They quite often quickly back track if you don't take their shit. Although I'd just leave him anyway as the dynamic has already been established. He wants his cake.

SunnyCoco · 27/10/2019 18:38

Doesn't dress the child
Doesn't brush the child's teeth
Doesn't do the laundry, cleaning, or housework

And if she isn't dressed presumably they're sitting at.home.all day?

Yehhhhhh he is not doing what a sahp does / should do.

Ellie56 · 27/10/2019 19:04

Your child would be better off with a child minder or in a nursery OP. At least she'd be dressed, she'd get to see other children and do things. It doesn't sound as if he does anything with her.

Newschapter · 27/10/2019 19:13

Seriously, you need a plan.

You need to leave this waste of space.

When do you get to take a week's break by yourself?

Paintedmaypole · 27/10/2019 19:42

You need to get away but do it carefully. See Women's Aid, get legal advice. He is not looking after the children properly. Do not leave them with this man even if it means staying. You may actually need to stop working for now to concentrate on the children and get out of this situation. You can find a job once things are sorted He is not a SAHD, he is doing nothing. Don't worry about him leaving, you would be better off. If it turns out that he is suffering from depression he needs to get help but he isn't caring for your kids.

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