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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband STILL isn't up.

169 replies

ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:05

H still isn't up. I work FT whilst he's a SAHP. DC were up at 8am (we had a rough night) and I got up. Been up twice to get him to come and yet nothing. I do all the night feeds with DC2. Earlier on in the week he said he wasn't sure if he wants to be with me anymore. He's going on holiday alone next week so I had to take a weeks holiday to watch the kids (we were not welcome to join him). AIBU to be mega pissed off?

OP posts:
BillieEilish · 27/10/2019 13:28

I'd look up nursery fees. Then proceed with your information.

MitziK · 27/10/2019 13:28

Oh, and as he isn't the SAHP parent, he's the absent parent, you need to tell UC that he's left and your claim is now as a single parent.

He can stay with Mummy and she can support her little baby boy.

EggysMom · 27/10/2019 13:29

You can't cut off your DC's main carer, your DH's, money because he had a lie in and is going for a 6 day break! It's financial abuse. His mother is paying.*

No, the OP says:

I have to pay her back come payday next month

OP, If he's getting UC into his account, he has some income. Stop the direct debit into his account from your wages.

(Incidentally, my DH is also a SAHP who gets the benefits paid into his account. But I don't transfer him any other money, he doesn't need it as the bills come from my account. If anything, he ends up with a surplus that he transfers back to me!)

BigChocFrenzy · 27/10/2019 13:29

BillieEilish He doesn't look after the DC adequately or do much else,

so he isn't an SAHP, just an SAH

category12 · 27/10/2019 13:29

Presumably OP's income is low enough that they get topped up by universal credit.

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 13:31

I think he's off on holiday with another woman, OP.

And that his mother knows and has paid for it for him.

BillieEilish · 27/10/2019 13:31

Not adequately? Says who? Is the OP not happy with him doing the childcare? IF that is the case, definitely end it now!

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:32

@BillieEilish so I work FT on min wage so we get UC to top up my wage.

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 27/10/2019 13:33

Yep, he's probably found another sucker,
maybe one who earns more to keep him in the style he wants to be accustomed

You'll lose the DC and pay for the privilege,
unless you can move out with them first

Bourbonbiccy · 27/10/2019 13:34

I agree you gave bigger problems than him not being up at 13.00 on a Sunday and him having your child in a clean nappy but not dressed in the house for the day ( our son is out of nappies but when he gets in, takes all of his clothes off)

He obviously doesn't want to be around you, you need to get things organised to split fur the sake of your children being brought up in this environment.

Wattagoose90 · 27/10/2019 13:34

I agree with previous posts that say he won't leave you. He'd be losing his maid, free income and easy life. Sounds like he lives the life of a teenager.

He's taking advantage of you massively. If he goes on holiday I personally wouldn't be paying for him.

I'd force him to get a job like he forced you to go back to work so soon.

I think it's ridiculous that he's the one suggesting he might leave when you're the one with such a rubbish deal.

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:36

Feel like a mug @BigChocFrenzy

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 27/10/2019 13:37

He won't leave the OP ...
unless his mum will take over the childcare,
or maybe he's found someone else, whom he's seeing on holiday - which sounds v possible

greypetex · 27/10/2019 13:37

Bloody hell OP. Can you read back what you have posted? He sounds like an absolute arse of a man. I think you are confusing idealistic and reality. How could you love a man that treats you badly?

PixieDustt · 27/10/2019 13:39

He is taking the absolute piss out of you.
I hope if he leaves he's got enough money to support himself then rather than live out another women's pocket.
He's sounds disgusting.
I'm sorry but I don't think he's going on 'holiday' and if he is I bet it's with someone else.

Quartz2208 · 27/10/2019 13:39

He leaves her in a nappy and does nothing with her
That’s awful you work for minimum wage
Get advice

Nanny0gg · 27/10/2019 13:40

There is absolutely nothing to love.

Who's name is the house in?

And stuff paying his mother back for his holiday.

You're going to have to be very careful with money now.

rainingallday · 27/10/2019 13:42

@ifhink Hmm

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:47

What @rainingallday ? Don't think I feel stupid and sad enough?

OP posts:
Ellie56 · 27/10/2019 13:47

Yes stuff paying his mother back for his holiday. It's his debt he can bloody well sort it!

And stop paying money into his account. Use this week to sort yourself to split from him. He's an arsehole and you can do much better than him.

Brefugee · 27/10/2019 13:48

Change the locks while he's away and tell his mum to whistle for the money?

More seriously, make sure you have an exit plan. Start by separating your finances. Today.

thethoughtfox · 27/10/2019 13:48

Be careful OP. He will likely be allowed to be the resident parent and you will have to continue to pay to support him and the children in the family home. You are likely to be the one who has to move out. Get advice now.

TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 13:49

You're not really considering paying his mum back the money for his holiday, are you?

Who will look after the DC while he's away and you're at work?

His parents?

Original poster
ifhink · 27/10/2019 13:50

@TheMustressMhor no I had to take it as holiday.

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 27/10/2019 13:51

Why do you all live with his parents, by the way?

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