AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

[horsesarebest]

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

• [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]

”Trust me, it's real. What I really want to do, is have my own horse in livery so that I can learn properly and also have a bond with my "own" horse”

What I really want to do is become an Olympic ice skater. I can’t skate and I can’t afford lessons to learn. I’m also 47 and very dumpy.

Wanting to do something isn’t a good enough reason when you are an adult.

This is bonkers. Who asks a friend to loan them money to buy a horse?! A horse that they can’t ride properly too?

I’d think my friend was having a bit of a funny moment if they asked me something so crazy.

And surely your friend needs the money from her house sale to buy or rent another house?!

Hahaha, good one OP. Try a bit harder next time 😂

So unreasonable I can’t even start to explain

Apparently it's OK for him to have a hobby, but not me.

Do a hobby you can afford and that will not result in the neglect of an animal.

Brilliant. Financially abused because her DH won't pay for the upkeep in a fucking horse. Talk about undermining actual abuse.

He works over 60 hours a week while OP runs about doing all the housework and childcare for an 'allowance' of £200 a month.

There is absolutely no balance in the relationship and yes it IS financially abusive.

I think the horse would be happier in your garden rather than all alone in that cheap field. If you left the french windows open he could stick his head in and watch TV with you.

He works over 60 hours a week while OP runs about doing all the housework and childcare for an 'allowance' of £200 a month.

There is absolutely no balance in the relationship and yes it IS financially abusive.*

Oh pull the other one. He isn't stopping her getting a job but she's too busy for that. Not too busy to tend to a horse though.

There's neigh chance I would do this for a friend, and you're a foal to think so.

I think it's a fabulous idea.
You won't need livery; just bring the horse into the kitchen for the winter. It can stand next to the Aga to keep warm. In fact, if you have a wood-burning Aga you can train a horse to shit directly into it. Horses are clever like that and horse dung makes great fuel.

Is this meant to be an allegory for something else? I don't get the joke?

Another 'OP comes to Mumsnet for advice then ignores every single response' thread.

OP, you clearly REALLY want a horse but have a slim grasp on what's involved. I remember feeling the same when I was 8.

Do some proper research, make a realistic long term financial plan that covers every contingency, and then buy your own bloody horse.

This can't be real!

i absolutely cannot stand it when people treat animals like products there to serve them and make them happy. They are living creatures. The first thought should be if you can 100% commit to the animal and give it everything it needs. You absolutely cannot. You can't even afford the animal in the first place. You can't afford to Pay your friend back! You entire 200 will be eaten up with looking after this animal and even that will not be enough. What happens when it needs vet treatment? You realise your have to pay upfront and then claim back don't you. Will you friend end up footing the bill for that too?

I have a lot of animals, so I understand the desire to want to own a animal, but every animal is researched extensively (not just you having a general idea) and fully funded. I'm thinking of setting up a small business to do educational sessions and sessions for people thinking of owning certain animals so they know what is involved before going out and buying. Simply because, there are far too many people like you who think, oh I want a horse, or a chameleon or Bosc monitor lizard whatever, and buy one without knowing enough and not able to look after things long term. It's cruelty.

Argh, even if this is a joke it's really annoyed me. Do not buy a horse. You can not afford it and you don't have anywhere enough enough experience.

NC because it's totally made up.

My husband works 60 hours some weeks. Still got a full time job.
A SAHP only works with family agreement.

Get a job.

What I really want to do, is have my own horse in livery so that I can learn properly and also have a bond with my "own" horse. DH has said no, even though I know we can probably afford it, because he thinks that I should pay for it myself. Apparently it's OK for him to have a hobby, but not me

There are lots of things in life that I really want to do, but I can't because I don't have the money. You don't have the money for a horse. Nothing in what you have said suggests your DH won't let you have a hobby, just not a fucking expensive one.

PS My DH works 60+ hour weeks. I still have a full time job. The two are compatible. Get a job, get your own horse.

Divorce DH and buy a horse with the financial settlement. Simples!

My horse don't, at the moment, cost ne a lot to keep. Basic grass livery can be very cheap. Even if all fine and nothing goes wrong, stil need to allow for: farrier (if shod that's min £60 every 6-8 weeks, if barefoot it's £25-30), vaccs (vat callout plus vaccs), dentist (1-2x per year at £45-£50), public liability insurance at the very least, tack, rugs, just general Stuff!. And that's all pretty much the basic requirements. There's often a shitload on top. Hay / haylage in winter or other bad weather times. Vets because there's every chance the horse will need one at some point.

This is hilarious. Head over to the tack room and search one of the "how much does it cost to keep a horse thread" and see how much £200pm would go! Basic research even a bored kid on half term could manage surely? Should have made it at least a grand to be believable.

It's not just the horse, tack (few grand for a saddle anyone?), upkeep etc but also land management. Fencing, stable/field shelter (which you will need planning permission for if it not a moveable structure). What to do/feed when the field inevitably turns into a mud bath after 3 weeks because it's wet and said horse has just been chucked in to have the run of the lot...

Only really posted for the deletion message. Cos we all know this isn't real. No one is that stupid.

Oh pull the other one. He isn't stopping her getting a job but she's too busy for that. Not too busy to tend to a horse though

She is too busy because she is doing everything. While he cuts about, earning his money and giving her a fucking allowance. Take the horse out of the equation because it's clouding the actual problem. He holds all the money. She does all the work. Not ok.

Why does everyone keep mentioning half term? It's Sunday morning

Do you not think your first priority should be sorting out your marriage to your fiscally abusive husband, rather than mooning over a pony you can’t afford to buy or care for, @horsesarebest?

I do get it though. Whenever I am faced with an onerous and unpleasant challenge (often a time-critical one), my lazy arse suddenly morphs into Aggie and Kim, beset by the compulsion to spring clean my house from top to bottom. this otherwise never happens

In my case, I procrastinate through cleaning. In your case, er,... horses.

Poor horse.