AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

[horsesarebest]

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

• [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]

OP I think you're just trying to stirrup trouble.

She doesn't do any of the work. That's kind of the problem.

he thinks that I should pay for it myself.

So how is "borrowing" from friend paying for it yourself and how would you repay her while funding livery, shoes, vet etc with no income. Maybe bond with your children instead. Golf club membership can cost upwards of several hundred a year, plus green fees and 19th hole each time you play. Probably still less than a horse.

Trust me, it's real. What I really want to do, is have my own horse in livery so that I can learn properly and also have a bond with my "own" horse. DH has said no, even though I know we can probably afford it, because he thinks that I should pay for it myself. Apparently it's OK for him to have a hobby, but not me.

To be honest, I get his point, if you've got time to be doing horses in the day - every day, then surely you've got time to get a job?

Sounds to me nothing like financial abuse, but a husband who's fed up of financing everything, working long hours whilst the wife wants to stay home and go to the yard every day.

If I was the sole income earner... I have to say this would piss me off.

OP I think you're just trying to stirrup trouble

Nah. Just needs to reign herself in a smidge.

She doesn't do any of the work. That's kind of the problem.

I was referring to the house/home/children

Pathetic suggestion.

Make sure it's a proper well bred and well trained horse. None of these old nags that might have hidden health problems.

Actually my cousin lives next door to Tiger Roll, maybe you could ask if he is for sale?

No definitely not. Buying a horse is the least of your costs. You get vet bills, they need shelter and company and exercise and hoof care and often hay and feed in winter. Field owners ask you to move on and you find your costs go up. When they get older they need medication and eventually be put down. £200 a month isn't going to cover it.

You have small kids presumably and if your husband is working such long hours that you can't work how will you have time to ride and care for the horse? You can't take small kids with you when you ride so you need to pay for care.

I have horses but pay for them myself and do all the care. This takes me around 3.5 hours a day including riding one and 5 on weekend days. The other one is not ridden, so takes up little time. With work I have little spare time. It is expensive even though I own my fields (paid for by me).

It isn't fair on the horse to expect someone else to fund it especially someone who doesn't want to. Wait until you are in a position to afford the time and money or offer to share someone else's horse.

My husband would rather I didn't spend the time or money I do on my horses and I had them when he met me and I pay for them. I have always done it on a shoestring but it is still expensive and time consuming.

I do get the pull of horses having had and worked to cover all the costs of one from childhood, but don't understand how it is possible to have small kids and horses without having significant savings pre-kids or a spouse who equally proritises the horse and wants to spend family money on it.

Made up post. Pointless as not even remotely amusing.

Ask her. She will either say yea or neigh.

Deal with the crappy husband first

But if you want to own your own livery you NEEd to get a job!!!! I think you’re being selfish and a cf here!
The likelihood of you paying your friend back is slim to none If your income is 200pm are you going to pay her back 10pm for a few years! You’re putting your friend and your husband in a horrible position.
I’m a single mum and I work! My dd wants a horse but no way would I start borrowing money to fund this!
Get a job and loan a horse first. You don’t sound like you have the work ethic or the real idea of what goes into a horse.
Vet bills, dentist, food, bedding, horse shoes cost loads, Plus the money to actually keep it some where! You say you can afford it aslong as food isn’t expensive and nothing comes up. Of course other expenses will come up!!!

Sounds to me nothing like financial abuse, but a husband who's fed up of financing everything, working long hours whilst the wife wants to stay home and go to the yard every day

You think it’s okay for the husband not to disclose how much he earns?

Oh, why not? get her to buy your partner a new car and a holiday for the whole family too. Let us know how it works out.

Start small

Buy a hamster. Keep it “at livery” (pay next door’s teenager to keep it in their bedroom). Visit it twice a day and bond with your own hamster.

Buy a book called looking after your hamster and learn how to look after a hamster.

Look into online animal care qualifications on hamster husbandry and training.

Then, and only then, ask Santa for a guinea pig

This is either a reverse or you are a real life cf?

You have a serious problem if you pick up the slack from a 60 hour per week husband, who goes off on golf jollies, but have no idea how much he earns. Deal with your husband before getting a horse, yeah?

I know absolutely bloody nowt about horses but I do know they are extremely time consuming and expensive. I'm giggling at this as I can just imagine a 15 year old stamping their foot about this, it's not fair, my parents are so mean!!! 😂 😂 😂
If you want a horse, get a job to pay for lessons etc my husband is self employed, works long hours yet I still work ffs

Assuming this isn't a joke thread, I think YABU. Just because your friend has the money to do so doesn't mean she should loan you money when you don't work so cannot pay it back. Your DH is the one who works 60 hours per week while you stay at home. Why should he pay for you to have a horse? It isn't a necessity, whether you love horses or not.

So,

1. You can't ride well.
2. You can't afford to buy a horse.
3. You don't know when you could pay your friend back.
4. You have to rely on no unforseen expenses (vet bills?) and hope the cost of feed isn't too expensive.

You clearly don't know enough about horses. You are living in cloud cuckoo land.

I know. But look at her. I wouldn't trust her with an open bank account.

She needs to get a job and start contributing. .

If this is actually real, please don't go and buy a horse. For the sake of the horse and you.
'As long as there's no unexpected expenses' tells me your level of experience with horses. There's always unexpected expenses with horses. The only reliable thing about them is their unpredictability. It's like having a 6ft+ toddler that weighs a ton (literally) has metal feet and relies on you for everything. Ever had a child with colic? Well a horse with colic will cost you more, mean you have to sit in a cold stable for days/nights at a time, and is quite likely to die no matter what you do. And that's just one thing that could go wrong with a horse.
Keep your lessons going and add some stable management lessons, then look into part loaning. Horse riding is a hobby, horse owning is a lifestyle and a whole different ball game.

Nah. Just needs to reign herself in a smidge.

Nay... poor OP has a night-mare situation on her hands. Costs too many bucks in my opinion, I'd be getting colt feet.

Start small

Buy a hamster. Keep it “at livery” (pay next door’s teenager to keep it in their bedroom). Visit it twice a day and bond with your own hamster.

Buy a book called looking after your hamster and learn how to look after a hamster.

Look into online animal care qualifications on hamster husbandry and training.

Then, and only then, ask Santa for a guinea pig*

Hilarious! Love the livery bit!!!!

Neigh ...... it serious