AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

[horsesarebest]

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

• [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]

Op, it's possible that you're being financially abused by your dh. But it's hard for us to tell with your ridiculous opening post about horses. IF you work as hard as your husband, and you being a sahm works for your family, then any disposable income should be 50/50. But, if you could reasonably get a job, then your dh might have a point.

Ffs. A horse is not a replacement for a crap husband.
Stop making stupid threads abd deal with your marriage. I would be amazed if 1 poster agrees with you.

You have enjoyed helping at the stable , how frequently? Owning is a 24/7 commitment, all weathers, all year. There are other options to have riding as a hobby without the ongoing costs and issues.

Look for a horse share instead.

Doesn't your friend need her money for somewhere else to live?

A horse fetishisation omg a new low 🙃

Ask for diamonds OP, after all she has the money.

Get a zebra or maybe a camel, horses are old school

This cannot be serious. I used to work with horses and owned my own and believe me—buying the horse would be the least of it. They are extremely expensive to keep and very time consuming. You cannot just budget for expected expenses and hope for the best. Horse ownership is also really not for the inexperienced. Who are you going to rely on when something goes wrong—and honestly, something will go wrong. It’s really not a simple pet to own. If this is serious then I’m begging you not to do this OP because it’ll be the poor horse who suffers.

Can I be the first to say

What a load of old pony 😁

You are a c.f..

If your husband won't pay for the horse, what makes you think he'll pay for livery? Get a job you can do when the kids are in school and save up if you're that desperate for a horse. But seriously, horses are expensive. Most people don't have horses - there's a reason for that.

Brilliant. Financially abused because her DH won't pay for the upkeep in a fucking horse. Talk about undermining actual abuse.

This can’t be real. Nobody can be this stupid surely
Trust me, it's real. What I really want to do, is have my own horse in livery so that I can learn properly and also have a bond with my "own" horse. DH has said no, even though I know we can probably afford it, because he thinks that I should pay for it myself. Apparently it's OK for him to have a hobby, but not me.

I think the horse would be happier in your garden rather than all alone in that cheap field. If you left the french windows open he could stick his head in and watch TV with you.

Reverse?

Isn’t it half term?

I’m only here for the deletion message.

Donkey

OP, I'm just about to sell my house, why don't I lend you the money? Oh wait...I'll need that money to buy another house. Maybe I could just tell the person I'm buying the next house from that I'm a bit short because my new BFF 'needed' a pony. Yes that'll work! Trott on!

Can you imagine the AIBU from the friend? Horsezilla, my friend wants me to buy her a horse.

I probably spend near roughly £700 a month in mine, and that’s a cheap month!

I have two horses in a fields I am solely responsible for. I'm afraid you're delusional OP.

If you are admitting you want to be in a livery so you can learn then I would advise either loaning a horse, or just taking lessons and volunteering at a local stables. Being alone and trying to learn is a disaster waiting to happen. I wanted a horse my whole life and it took me a long time to get there. It's not something to rush.

Horses are a very expensive hobby, OP.

You’ve mentioned your husband golfing. I don’t know much about golfing, but I find it difficult to imagine that costing anywhere near what owning a horse would cost TBH.

We pay more than £200/month for lessons and a 2 day a week loan pony.

I would suggest (in the remotest possibility that this is genuine) that you look at loaning at a local stable, you get the experience without the full commitment and put the rest of your £200/month into lessons.

Also just rocking up and helping unpaid at the stables would be good experience.

Otherwise I suggest you look at the collective works of the Pullien -Thompson sisters and my friend flicka

I'm not sure where to start with this one ...

Reversey Percy? Are you actually the gobsmacked friend who had been asked to hand over a chunk of your house sale proceeds?

If not why on earth would your friend hand over such a chunk of money especially when your household income can easily afford it?

You've already said you can only afford the basic "running" costs but not unexpected expenses. So what happens when unexpected expenses arise? Poor horse!

I don't know much about horses but neither do you! It sounds like you can barely ride yet you are planning to self teach on an unknown and possibly quite unsuitable horse. You could end up badly injured or dead.

Why can't you at least work part time - you clearly have time for riding lessons ffs!

Your husband sounds chauvinistic and financially controlling though. It's a different issue but despair of women who sleepwalk into these situations where they are given a measly allowance and told they don't deserve hobbies of their own. This is why women should never give up their financial independence and earning power when they have children.