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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

339 replies

horsesarebest · 27/10/2019 09:13

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

  • [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]
OP posts:
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5
Hadjab · 27/10/2019 09:25

I have to ask OP, how old are you?

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 27/10/2019 09:25

And presumably if your friend has just sold her house then she probably needs the money to...buy a new house....

House, not horse....

mummy21l · 27/10/2019 09:25

I wish I experienced riders understood how dangerous horses can be in the wrong/inexperienced hands!

Excited101 · 27/10/2019 09:25

This is the first time I’ve ever spotted a nonsense thread, better up your game op.

itswinetime · 27/10/2019 09:26

Is this one of those post I don't get like the pet/baby POV threads??? I'm guessing this is from the POV of a 13/14 year old and we should substitute friends for parents?

SarahJS123 · 27/10/2019 09:26

Hiya,
While I sympathize with you on how hard it is to want a horse and not be able to buy one, the purchase is the LEAST of the expenses. Even if you can rent a field cheaply, there is so much to consider:

  • where will you ride? A field sounds promising at a glance but depending on weather and drainage you could end up with a wet and dangerous surface or rock hard ground in the event of a dry summer. These types of surfaces can be very dangerous for horse and rider and lead to very expensive injuries
  • what about maintenance costs? Feed is at least £30 monthly, rugs (a good rug is minimum £50 and if this horse is like mine it will get ripped on a daily basis). Dental for horses is every 6-12 months depending on the horse (mine is every 6 months) and it is £100 each time. Not to mention vaccinations as well
  • can you manage insurance payment for your horse? Take it from me - you never know what will happen! I spent £5500 on my horse less than a year ago, had an thorough pre purchase exam and he has now has surgery and about £15000 worth of vet care. We couldn't afford that without insurance. On top of that he's not got a limited lifespan and ability as far as ridden work goes and we are responsible for the maintenance and upkeep regardless of that fact

Horses are extremely expensive, time consuming and honestly it's a massive commitment. I love my horse and I love being a horse owner but it had made our finances very tight and it's very tricky timewise with a newborn.

If you can honestly say you can manage all of the maintenance and potential bumps along the road (they will happen, horses are predisposed to kill themselves I think!!), Then by all means consider it. I don't know the dynamic of your friendship and how borrowing the money would work.

Just an example to consider, my friend had a lovely mare who spooked and put her leg through a fence. She ended up with a horrific wound that could hav been treated with extensive vet care totalling around £7000. She had no insurance and the horse had to be euthanized. These things happen all the time.

Good luck, and I hope you come to the decision that works for you and your family 😊

AJPTaylor · 27/10/2019 09:27

Any chance you could pm me your friends details? I have several ambitions I am looking for a gullible fool to partner up with.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/10/2019 09:27

This sounds like a pre-teen pony fantasy not the words of an adult woman.

Jiggerypokery1986 · 27/10/2019 09:27

What a great idea. Vet bills, upkeep, general costs etc you haven't included.
Absolutely ridiculous. Just because you love horses doesn't mean you should have one. Especially when you can't afford it.

Volunteer at a local stables and shovel their shit up instead to satisfy your urge.

Kpo58 · 27/10/2019 09:27
  1. You cannot afford a horse
  2. You cannot afford a horse
  3. You cannot afford a horse
  4. You cannot afford a horse
  5. You cannot afford a horse

Buying the horse is the cheap bit. If you really wanted a horse, you would have already saved up for it and have savings for unexpected expenses. Also there is no way that you would have time to go and visit it every day and look after it.

If you really wanted the experience of owning a horse, you should see if you can share one at the stables that you currently are at.

FranklySonImTheGaffer · 27/10/2019 09:27
  1. No person in their right mind will lend money to someone who has no earnings and can not offer a plan on how or when they can repay it
  1. You can't afford this. One unexpected bill and you'll be stuck.
  1. Teaching yourself to ride is going to teach you and the horse bad habits and will be dangerous.

MIL has had horses her whole life. She loves them but is honest about the time and money they cost her.

YABU and your DH is right.

Original poster
horsesarebest · 27/10/2019 09:27

I know DH could afford to pay for livery if I had a horse, as well as buy one. He just doesn't want to. He golfs every weekend and pays for expensive hobbies for him, including boys weekends golfing, yet gets really put out if I have a hobby for myself because he thinks I should back him up as he's the "main earner" and he works hard to enjoy his hobbies.

OP posts:
StCharlotte · 27/10/2019 09:27

Have you thought that maybe your imaginary friend sold her imaginary horse because she couldn't afford the upkeep?

usernamerisnotavailable · 27/10/2019 09:28

you're batshit. you can't afford it.

"neither a borrower or a lender be"

MsPasspartout · 27/10/2019 09:28

How can you possibly think this is at all reasonable?

You don’t know when you’ll be able to pay your friend back. Will you ever be able to pay her back?

Have you even properly thought out the costs involved? What if they don’t fit into this £200/month allowance you have? What if the field turns into a mud bath in winter and you need to pay to put the horse into stables?

And also, your friend may not want to give you the money. Even asking could damage your friendship. Not returning the money within a sensible timeframe would almost certainly damage your friendship.

Apolloanddaphne · 27/10/2019 09:28

If you can't afford a horse then you can't have one. Please do not ask your friend for money. That takes you into CF territory.

Olliephaunt4eyes · 27/10/2019 09:28

Horses cost more than £200 a month.

FrankenCat · 27/10/2019 09:29

Someone pull up a comfy chair for me, I've just had a hysterectomy so I've got plenty of time to stay here with you all. Someone pass the popcorn. GrinGrinGrin 🍿

PrincessRaven · 27/10/2019 09:29

My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house

Wont she need the money to buy another house?

And your £200 a month, what does that pay for now?

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 09:29

Saying “Horsey” every time you pass one in a field isn’t a hobby

It could be if you dedicated sufficient time to it, planned walks past fields to increase your hit rate, swapped routes online with fellow aficionados...

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 27/10/2019 09:29

If your husband is working 60+ hours a week to presumably keep the roof over your head why should you not pick up some 'slack' at home?

greypetex · 27/10/2019 09:29

You need to get rid of your husband more than you will ever need a horse

PinkiOcelot · 27/10/2019 09:29

This can’t be real. Nobody can be this stupid surely!

Zebraaa · 27/10/2019 09:29

Pre teen pony fantasy 😂

MuchBetterNow · 27/10/2019 09:29

Loving the logic that friend can afford to buy a horse because she's just sold her house, there are no other roads for that money other than buying randoms horses. Please document the further adventures of your life in Gumdrop Lane op, we're all fascinated.

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