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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get my friend to buy me a horse?

339 replies

horsesarebest · 27/10/2019 09:13

I've NC as it's a very outing problem.

I love horses and want a horse, but can't afford it because I'm a SAHM. My friend, who currently has lots of disposable income, can afford to buy it for me because she's just sold her house. AIBU to ask her to loan me the money so that I can get a horse? It's not an insignificant amount (4 figures), but buying a horse is an opportunity that may not come along for me again because I'll be able to keep it in a field that is close to my home that I can rent really cheaply.

I have no idea when I'd be able to pay my friend back, but I would be able to afford to look after the horse providing that I didn't get any unexpected expenses and the feed costs weren't too high.

I never had a horse before and don't ride very well, but instead of having lessons, it would mean that I can put my money in to a) having a horse and b) I can learn on the horse and have more "horsey time" and so learn quicker.

DH is against the idea, because we're going in to winter and he thinks that I spend too much of his money having riding lessons as it is. He has told me to get a job and use the money from that, because he's not funding it. To be fair to DH, I'm a SAHM and he already gives me a reasonable allowance of £200/month, but it won't cover the costs of buying and keeping the horse.

Me getting a job is not reasonable because DH is a workaholic who regularly works 60+ hours a week and I have to pick up the slack at home with child care and school runs. I have no idea how much he actually earns, but it is enough to pay for and keep a horse without asking my friend for a loan. DH just won't entertain it.

Friend can afford to lend me the money because like I said, she's just sold her house.

  • [Note from MNHQ: Before commenting on this thread, please note that the OP discloses 6 posts down the line that this thread is a REVERSE...]
OP posts:
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5
TheFatberg · 27/10/2019 14:01

Some people must just read the title of a thread. Not even the first post.

Trewser · 27/10/2019 14:03

I read it before MNHQ commented.

Witchinaditch · 27/10/2019 14:04

What a bizarre thread 🤣 a bizarre request from your friend and it’s bizarre you put it as a reverse, no one is going to say yabu of course buy her a horse! Well maybe the contrary 1% who always go against the logical vote

Batshittery · 27/10/2019 14:04

Bloody ridiculous to post as a reverse. Why do you think the answers would be different OP?

RunsForGummyBears · 27/10/2019 14:07

😂 if you don't have money to buy a horse you definitely don't have money to keep one

Jesse70 · 27/10/2019 14:13

Don't be so bloody stupid

Trewser · 27/10/2019 14:22

It's fine OP. Just go back through the replies and reverse them.

Hmm
TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/10/2019 14:39

I wouldn’t show your friend this thread. It’s really not complimentary to her. You make her out to be a right idiot and are less than complimentary about her marriage, her husband and her SAHM status.

Just say no, and distance yourself from her. You don’t sound like you have a healthy friendship at all.

MorrisZapp · 27/10/2019 14:47

Nah I'm not having this. If you have the balls to show her a thread in which you present her as a begging horsey weirdo married to a controlling wanksponge then you must clearly have the balls to say a very polite no to an open ended loan of over a grand.

Jeezoh · 27/10/2019 14:54

I’d send a 4 word reply - “I’m not a bank”

xraytangocharlie · 27/10/2019 15:06

I used to have a horse on loan. The owner went to university and didn't want to have to sell the horse. I rode it and paid livery etc while she was away.

Blueoasis · 27/10/2019 15:25

If your friend can't afford to buy a horse, she cant afford to keep one. What if it has problems and needs surgery? What if it destroys its rugs constantly? Rips off its shoes constantly? What if she breaks a leg riding it and has no one to look after it?

Don't buy one for her, obviously. Dunno why the question needed asking.

SlightlySleepy · 27/10/2019 16:15

This is such a ridiculous thread. If it really is some weird reverse and you want to show your friend, then you're being really unkind. You've painted her, her intelligence and her marriage in a terrible light, not only that but you called her"fucking stupid". You've effectively collected a whole thread of insults to give to her. You must be a really delight to have as a friend. If it really is a reverse then you already knew how unreasonable she was being, but instead of saying "no, sorry", you decided to make a nasty thread about her to give to her.

dazzlingdeborahrose · 27/10/2019 16:59

Could your friend volunteer at a local RDA? She'd be around horses, learning how to look after them and she'd probably get a discounted lesson.

Miranda15110 · 27/10/2019 17:38

Riding schools often loan out their horses and ponies for the winter. This would be more sensible for you than buying. You can then use your £200 per month to pay for stabling, shoeing, feeding and vets bills. It will give you a feel for the level of commitment and cost of keeping a horse without making a long term commitment. You could also like at a horse share arrangement where you help exercise and care for somebody else's horse who might work through the week when you could ride etc.

You definitely aren't ready to buy especially if you need to borrow to buy.

Countryescape · 27/10/2019 17:45

Your husband needs to do more around the house. You have no idea how much he earns and he gives you an “allowance”? You’ve got bigger problems than getting a damn horse!!

manchestermom5 · 27/10/2019 18:02

OP, Ridiculous!

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 27/10/2019 18:02

The OP has no idea how much the husband earns because she's not married to him. It's the "friend" posting...

Butchyrestingface · 27/10/2019 18:07

It's illuminating not just the number of posters who don't RTFT, but those who don't even bother to read to the end of the fucking OP.

🤯🤯🤯

ZoeWashburne · 27/10/2019 18:19

You both are tedious. Your mate for the CF request and you for doing a reverse. Not only are reverses completely obnoxious, you were planning on showing this to her as you mocked her for several pages. Are you that unable to just say no to a friend?

You both have a lot of growing up to do.

Trewser · 27/10/2019 18:21

Butchyrestingface I read and replied before the comment was made. Then if you update the thread you don't necessarily see the OP again.

Reverses are fucking annoying. Perhaps I'll buy your friend a horse just to annoy the OP

Durgasarrow · 27/10/2019 23:43

Oh definitely a good idea. Can't believe your husband wouldn't be thrilled.

sconeonjam · 28/10/2019 00:32

I was !!! and Angry before I saw the MN note about a reverse, but not surprised. I had to give up teaching and riding for a living as there are far, far too many selfish idiots like this (coupled with too many ruthless pros). The horses suffer, but they always know best and will not be told or learn. I couldn't stand to see it any longer.

These days keeping horses should require a licence and a proper competence exam. Tell the idiot to fuck off.

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 28/10/2019 01:24

No. YABU. Your friends money is her own. If you cant afford to buy a horse you definitely cant afford the upkeep.
Horses are incredibly expensive. Have you done research? Get a job.

DBML · 28/10/2019 02:18

Oh dear.

So you’ve run into a bit of money and your ‘friend’ takes the opportunity to ask you to buy her a horse she can’t afford. Does she realise that the expense of owning a horse comes not from buying the animal, but from the up-keep? The blacksmith; vets; even the riding gear is extortionate. We used to keep horses and they cost a fortune. That was on our land, so we didn’t even have to pay for rent or stables.
Tell her you’re concerned that you’ll put her into financial difficulty by buying her a horse, but perhaps you can get her a hamster instead.