To think private school has denied this kid a right of passage

[everythingnotsavedwillbelost]

There was one kid in my DD’s primary that went to private school. Gets driven there every day. All the other 89 kids in the year went to the local comp, walk together in groups & have carried on the friendships from primary.
I know it’s the parents choice but it honestly reminds me of billionaire boy! This poor kid still lives in the area & has to watch all his friends walking together etc. Hasn’t settled well in new school & wants to hang out with old mates most of the time.
I get why the parents have done it- smaller classes etc but it seems like such a coddled existence. Secondary is a bit of a right of passage in some ways- they have to make their own way to school & grow up a bit. This kid won’t have that experience as the school is out of town & will always need to be driven. It sets him apart from his mates (which I guess is the nature of private education)
Aibu - I feel a bit sorry for the kid!

Underneath the faux concern about someone else's DC, you're sounding very defensive about your choices for your DC.
Parents make different choices shouldn't be a shock to you. If I were you, I'd be encouraging your DD to support her friend ie make sure they still get included and make positive comments about how they'll soon settle, etc. That's what friends do.

I had this experience going to catholic school (my parents we’re devout, me not). It had pros and cons. I ended up with a wider world view by age 18 and more friends in mixed groups across our nearest city. But I could never fully belong in my original town as I hadn’t gone to “town-name high school”. Even now if I meet people from that town I always have to say “but I didn’t go to school there” to explain why I don’t know everyone and their uncle in town.

You don't think your DD will make new friends at the comp outside the current primary school set? I hope she does then she will have a wider circle of friends. But she may also lose some as can be the way with teens. The child travelling can still see local mates after school, weekends, football club and will make friends at other school. Not a lot of difference.

Yes vulpine I agree, so should I send her to the school in special measures instead because not everyone can afford Private education?

Presumably though if it's the only secondary option lots of children will get driven in from villages around? Plenty of DC at the comp will also have his experience

If this town has the only secondary it's gonna be a focal town, plenty of DC will presumably have lived outside the town to attend the primary if it's rural Wales.

He will make new friends, there will probably even be people from the private school in his town, considering it's clearly quite a big town for the area.

Indeed no hopping, send your kid where you like, but making out that her needs are greater than the needs of the kids going to the failing school is a little galling

This thread has shown the deep-rooted snobbery still in evidence in our society today, and, sadly, a side of MN that I abhor. Statements of : the child will have a better education; they will automatically go to a better university; automatically have an excellent career; have rich, influential friends; overall have a better life are fucking outrageous and so, so sad. Then we have the Dickensian local comprehensive kids who will scrape by on Universal Credit and be miserable their entire lives. FFS!

In Scotland we have no grammar system so I and my 2 Eldest DC attended/ attend the comprehensive school 5 minutes away: I got a 1st class degree from an excellent university and the DC are excelling.

How limited your horizons must be if you think walking to your local school with kids you went to primary with is a 'rite of passage'. Depressingly small world some people have.

"If you did attend a top university and go on to have a good career you can’t have missed the proportion of your colleagues who were educated at public school"

This is very much a misconception. In my workplace, we all have degrees and further education quals and out of about 60 of us, there is only one privately educated. When you go further up in the organisation, to top Directors and execs, none of them are privately educated .

Snoop it's the OP's inverted snobbery that made her start the thread. fwiw I went to the local high school and on to an RG university. Some DCs from our primary class went to private school. We still talked to them, invited them to parties, etc. There wasn't all this faux angst about whether or not they got to walk in the rain to school or got a lift

I didn’t say greater. I said the Private school was more suitable for her needs
I would love it if the Comp wasnt in special measures and everyone was getting the same education as DD but it is, and sending my DD there wouldn’t have helped anyone (especially not her, and she’s my priority)

What a weird OP. I walked to my local comp for the whole of my schooling and mostly got horribly bullied during this "rite of passage" (at least I can spell it) which you are viewing so romantically.

Would you have started this thread if he was getting driven to the local comp, I wonder? I can't imagine you started this just as a way to have a go at private schools 🤔

Why do these threads always turn into a "let's bash private schools" thread? Most private school parents (myself included) are only trying to do the best for their DC - as is everyone else. If you either can't afford it or don't agree with it then that's fine, but don't judge the rest of us for making our own decisions. And no matter how people protest, a lot of those that complain about it are jealous that their own DC aren't privately educated.

Rite of Passage?

If you called being cold, wet, being hassled by older boys and random men in vans, watching buses speed up when approaching the stop rather than let you on, getting stranded in poor weather and generally being vulnerable to less pleasant kids also on their way home with their mates at the same time a rite, I suppose that kid is missing out.

I think it makes the op feel better about this kid going to private school if she feels sorry for him and tries to make everyone else feel sorry for him too.

I do find it funny what some people consider a rite of passage.

I only walked to school about 3 times in my entire school life. And all before the age of 7. After that, I was always driven, due to school distance from home - both at state school and private schools.

I went to secondary school about 20 miles away from where I lived. I wasn’t isolated in my home community, as I attended various clubs and knew people from those. I didn’t feel as though I missed out on socialising with my school friends during holidays - it took a bit more planning, but we always managed to meet up, and we were all very independent due to having to make those arrangements - travel and plans for a few days stay at each other’s houses, etc.

My middle child is currently at school about 15 miles away from where we live. She would hate not to be driven everyday (there is a bus available). She sees local friends from her old school during school holidays/weekends just as much as she did when she was at school with them, and sees friends from her current school too (obviously takes more planning, but they’re all in the same boat, as school is quite rural and has children from a wide area).

One of my ex's friends was sent to a private school as his parents thought he was 'a bit thick' in comparison to all his siblings and wanted to get away from a bad crowd of friends. His youngest sister also went private but all the older siblings attended state schools. He seems more confident than his brothers , much more adventurous, independent and free thinking. Qualification wise he's done just as well as his state school educated siblings. His sister has been much more successful.

You feel sorry for a kid whose parents have money to send him to private school? Save your sympathy for kids who are cold and hungry, whose parents visit the food bank.

We too have one local comp that serves all the villages round here. The results are good (lots of A and A* at A Level). Very, very, few go to private school as the logistics of getting there are limited and to be honest, what’s the point?
Here are the reasons that were given by my friend who sent her child there:
It’s a longer day so she won’t be alone in the house and I’ll be able to get a full working day in (valid as a single professional mum). She won’t get bullied by the local bully who made her life a misery (also valid as bully bullied my child too).

My child came out of the comp with better academic results but they both liked/hated the experience in equal measure.

I was beaten up for being privately educated. I longed to be in the cooler state school. However, mine wasn’t so good.

In Scotland we have no grammar system so I and my 2 Eldest DC attended/attend the comprehensive school 5 minutes away: I got a 1st class degree from an excellent university and the DC are excelling.

And yet adults in Glasgow topped the tables a few years ago for having fewer qualifications than any where else in Britain.

katycarrcan I don't think OP has inverted snobbery, I think it was an observation and opinion that she's getting flamed for. The walking to school thing is a non- event in my opinion, but what gets me so riled is this completely incorrect belief that privately educated children are inherently better at everything and have better lives!

My exPIL wanted to send DC to private, I declined as I believe education is a right not a privilege. My DC are doing excellently. That said, people can choose what they want to do for their own children- I just object to them thinking they're superior.

I sort of agree with the OP.
I was an only child and my parents had me privately educated from the age of seven. We didn't live in the traditionally affluent areas where my school friends did, it was and still is a fairly nice UWC/LMC area but they were mostly the DC of medics, lawyers, accountants, QCs etc and lived miles away from me.

I did make friends at school but nobody I could call on after school/in the holidays. My parents had to ferry me around if I wanted to see my friends. I was lonely.
Compounded by the fact that as an only child I couldn't rely on any of the 'networks' my siblings may have made in the local area.

I have stayed in the village and town I was raised in and even now I feel that most people my age know each other in a way that I don't, just to pass the time of day at the local shop/pub/school gates.

Of course I have made friends throughout adulthood through work/DCs/family in law etc but I still feel ever so slightly on the periphery of my peers in my hometown.

On balance I would have preferred to have gone to the local grammar. I passed my 11+ but my parents seemingly wanted me to continue at private school. The felt they were doimg their best for me I suppose.

I think you need to separate the two - an unhappy kid and private school. I pulled my daughter our of a rubbish grammar 15 mins from our house and sent her to private school 30mins from us - her twin brother is a local grammar 10mins from our house. She could have gone to this local grammar too but opted for this private school and is sooo happy there it was the right choice. Her day is 2hrs longer than her brothers but she is happy and she still has local friends and private school and her old grammar school friends.
You don't know why this child's parents have chosen to send him private. I think he needs time to settle in.

Putting the private school stuff aside...I really don't get the obsession with making sure your child goes to a secondary school with as many of their primary school friends as possible. Kids make new friends.

We very seriously considered an independent school for dd but decided to go with local comp (which would seem odd to mnetters as it requires improvements and there's a "good" school she could have gone to. We went with our gut and part of that was friendships.

We weren't worried about primary friendships but independent schools (especially those with boarders) make friendships hard as dc are from all over the country and world. This is what can make friendships hard; that and shared experiences would have been lacking as we're not from money just have grown into well-paid jobs.

However, I wouldn't feel sorry for the dc you mention. It's early days to settle and through private education he'll have many pluses. It'll balance out.

That was us