To think I'm not the selfish one here

[highlowchicalow]

I gave birth to my DS 10 days ago. It was a very traumatic birth. I was in labour for 18 hours after a failed induction which resulted in my waters being broken and then ended in an emergency csection after a failed forceps delivery.

I've suffered with femoral nerve palsy which means I cannot walk without crutches and also am on antibiotics for a haemotoma which partially opened up my wound. On top of all this I'm breastfeeding my baby and he is feeding almost consistently so I'm very overwhelmed right now.

I'm finding it very stressful and am in a lot of pain and discomfort.

My brother's DD is autistic and therefore they don't like to say no to her a lot and always try to give her what she wants to avoid meltdowns.

Her mom (SIL) has asked if my DN can stay over as she is obsessed with DS. DH said yes without even asking me and now I've had to tell him to say no.

SIL and DB have become really angry at me and told me I'm being selfish. I broke down and told them I'm really struggling and think it's unfair they want me (DN will stick to me like glue, won't let DH look after her) to look after another child when I can't even look after my own properly due to my injuries and have to heavily rely on DH to help me look after myself too.

They still stand by what they said. I am selfish and should have DN to stay because I know what she is like, and she won't like being told she can't come.

I've also found out one of DH closest friends are frustrated as we had to rearrange them coming to meet DS as I had to go back to hospital to get my hematoma checked out.

Am I seriously being selfish? I hate to think I'm upsetting people but I'm really struggling here and just feel like I need time to get to grips with things

highlowchicalow I am sorry but these people are quite literally mad. I am sorry about that.

Totally agree with Lordamighty "Your DH ought to be ashamed of himself for not protecting you from these awful people. Just say no to everyone & everything until you are fully recovered."

and

Transpeaked "At this point I’d be going grey rock and leaning on your friends.

What a pile of twats."

Please DO NOT apologize for anything. Just say it loud and clear. I am ill, I am in pain, my priority is my new baby. I will not be babysitting for anyone or doing anything at all. Do not ask me again. Any rude calls will be ignored."

Do not apologize at all.

Please tell your not so dear husband that his job is to support you and not to pander to his dysfunctional family.

I wold not forget this, to be honest, I would treat very carefully in fiture with your husband and his family, they are not looking out for you.

My daughter is on the autistic spectrum and of course you can say no to a child with autism, especially when it is not in your power to say yes, because you are now a mum and you need to put your own baby, and your own body, first.

tread very carefully in future....

NellyBarney that shocking. How awful.

I'm just going to ignore it all and enjoy time with my little boy!

You do that!

Look after yourself and get well, you have been through a lot - and your DH needs to get his arse in gear and look after you too. Then you two can enjoy every precious moment, before it flies by.

You are NOT being unreasonable or selfish in the slightest. The best thing you can do is concentrate on yourself and your baby, forget everyone else!

Awful people. I hope your dh cops on to himself soon. He has really let you down.

Best wishes with your new baby.

Brava, highlow - bloody well done.

Get your DH to deal with anything to do with DB and SIL, and make he knows under pain of death that he’s to keep visitors away, and not minimise your suffering to anyone at all.

Rest up, sweetheart, and snuggle your lovely DS.

I couldn't read this and not comment. YANBU. I'd just screen shot them this thread and they'll hopefully realise!
And can I just say wow, hats off to you, you are doing an amazing job. I'm so impressed that you're managing to BF with all that you've been through.

I'm currently texting DB, he says SIL is angry that I've upset DN and she'd like me to be more considerate of her feelings in future

Tell him that you're angry that they have upset you , and you would like them to be more considerate of your feelings, your inability to walk, your recent major surgery, and your serious infected haematoma in future.

OMG-you poor thing being married to a DH with family and friends so selfish. Why isn’t he with you on this?

You are normal - they are not! Look after yourself and baby as priority. Everyone can wait.

Sorry-just seen it’s your brother. You poor thing.

fedup and Italian - it’s worse! It’s not her DH’s family, it’s her own brother and his wife.

Her own brother thought it OK to pass on the guilt trip even after OP ‘broke down’ about how terrible she’s feeling.

The world no longer revolves around them and their DD. Boo hoo.

So glad you sent them a fuck you and showed your dh this thread. My blood pressure is normalising again

I hope you feel better soon and I hope your dh cops on and never pulls shit like this again

Dear Mr highlowchicalow

I'm glad you've read the thread. I hope you are genuinely feeling ashamed now. But please explain to me (and other PPs)

1. Why you are not putting the needs of your wife and new baby before the wants of everyone else.
2. Why, with your wife in the condition she's in, you felt it was your place to agree to the niece staying over.
3. Why you even felt the need to tell your wife that your friends were 'frustrated' at not being able to visit, when your wife's health was at severe risk.
4. And what possible justification do you have for suggesting that your wife should apologise to her sister in law for saying that the niece couldn't stay.

Mr highlowchicalow, you are not a 'nice guy' for trying to please everyone else at the expense of your wife. Your priorities are so skewed they could throw the earth out of orbit. Your wife needs you now. If you don't shape up, you might find that in the very near future she doesn't need you at all.

With best wishes, and my congratulations on the new baby.

Wonkybanana

I don't understand why she would need to stay over? Why not just come to visit (with her parents) for an hour or two, and then go home again?

So glad you sent them a fuck you and showed your dh this thread. My blood pressure is normalising again

I'm with @CalmdownJanet!

And I hope your DH reads @Wonkybanana's message too.

I have read a lot of outrageous things on Mumsnet and I honestly think this beats them all. Any more muttering from your DB or SIL I'd block the pair of them, to treat you like this in your condition is unforgivable. And head off to your mum's if your DH doesn't get his act together. I'm about to have an elective C-section and my mum is moving in with me for at least two weeks afterwards to take care of me (I don't have an OH, thank god ;)

Well done for standing up to them OP. for you and enjoy your beautiful baby boy.

Sorry that first bit should be in bold!

My sons autistic. Never in a million years would I intrude as your Family have done. Especially not with such a young child. Let alone someone with your situation. They are being ridiculously, insanely unreasonable.

Let

@LannieDuck because she asked to stay so of course her parents oblige

Your wife needs you now. If you don't shape up, you might find that in the very near future she doesn't need you at all

Wise words indeed.

Sorry. Posted too soon. Can’t believe the further comments from you.

Your DH needs to wisen up.

Take care of yourself OP. I hope you’re ok

Horrified to read this. DH is a prize prat - his job is to protect /ring fence you and the baby. Feel really angry on your behalf.

Definitely no more babysitting services for them.