Not to feel guilty sleeping with other men because my DH won’t

[DianaMitfordM]

Just that really.

We’ve been married 2 years. Both early 40s.

Right up until our wedding we had sex 3/4 times a month.

Then it dwindled to once every other month or so.

I have a strong sex drive. He prefers cuddles. I’ve been in tears because of our rubbish sex life but I love him and everything else is amazing. We are a fantastic couple - except for an incompatible sex drive.

I warned him when things dwindled that I cannot live without regular sex. He acknowledged this. But nothing changed.

I’m now sleeping with an old FWB.

AIBU?

Hahaha god help how my DXP felt 😂😂
We used have sex every day sometimes even 2/3 times an then when I got pregnant he was lucky for it weekly or even monthly depending how I felt

I don't think your been unreasonable but I do think you need to be straight up with him. Make him listen an not shut down the convo ! X

It’s a bit late for the convo now, the marriage is over.

Do you think it's fine to one day say to your partner that their sex life is over because you have decided that yours is? That's not fair, and if it was that unimportant why would you give a crap if he got it elsewhere?

And that’s why it’s fine for the women here who don’t put out for their partners to get it elsewhere

When me and dw got together 20 odd years ago we were at it like rabbits, multiple times a day, initiated by either of us.

Within 2-3 years of being together sex was becoming very sporadic, then non existent

Instead of viewing it as she played a trick on me as was suggested earlier in the thread i thought that something had changed in the person i love very much and came to accept that from her

But i still really really wanted to have sex and one night i cheated on her. Then i did it lots of times and although i was getting what i wanted finally it also kinda fucked me up

One day i told her, and expected this to be the end of our relationship but she just said okay and that was it. We now have an open relationship.

I think you should tell him though, the even short term effect of lying to my partner like that didn't do my mental health any favours

@Aridane they are upset because the husband had an affair and left them for the other person which is obviously understandable. However if they refuse to have sex with their husbands (which anybody is well within their rights to), why are they then surprised that the husband gets it elsewhere and leaves them for the person that made them feel desired, wanted and loved?

I'm not saying it's right, but it's understandable.

And some men are just shits who have a great relationship and cheat anyway. Those people deserve condemnation and for everyone to judge them.

I understand it too gummy, but anyone with any decency would end their marriage before they "got it elsewhere". Only shits have the affair first and then have the divorce. They might not always be shits, but they have been shits of the worst variety to do it the way you describe.

I agree though with the principle that a marriage where one person no longer wants to have sex while the other does is in trouble. How the couple work to fix that is important too. If the one who likes sex just goes out to "get it elsewhere", they have probably thrown away their marriage. Different if it's an open relationship etc, obviously.

It's not unreasonable to be frustrated by the situation but, in my opinion, cheating is always wrong, whatever the circumstances, so yes, YABU. If he won't talk about it, you have to decide what's more important, sex or your marriage. If it's sex, then leave him, if it's your marriage then be faithful. I'm not saying either option would be easier but cheating really isn't the answer.

If OP was a man saying this about his wife, he would be ripped to shreds....

I'm pregnant. I have this sneaking suspicion that I may not be up for sex for a little or long while after giving birth (I might be wrong, obviously!)

Then there will be parenthood. Idk... Late nights, stress, lack of sleep etc... May drastically decrease the amount of sex we have.

Does this mean my DH should sleep with other women???

No. Obviously not.

You want 3 times a months, that's not a lot. He apparently wants less and cuddles...

Why not go to couple's therapy? Force him to talk by clearly stating how you feel?

Idk. For better or for worse, right? Not whatever is going on here!

(but both of you need to work on this, btw. Not just you.)