To think this single parent has it relatively easy?

[coffeeforone]

A close friend constantly reminds me and others that she is a 'single parent' and how difficult it is for her and other SPs, I apparently have it so much easier as there are two of us. May be true, but in reality I think she has no idea how easy her life is. She has two primary aged kids (so SN) and works full time in the school that her kids go to, term time only so childcare is not an issue. If she wants to earn extra cash she can help out at wraparound clubs and the school doesn't charge for her kids to attend.

Her ExDH is a great dad which she admits herself, he financially supports her and collects kids every Friday from school and keeps them until Sunday midday, so both her weekend evenings and all day Saturday are completely free for her to do as she likes. She also has two sets of youngish GPs who she is on good terms with and will drop everything to take the kids whenever she asks (say they are off school sick or she has a work commitment/parents evening).

However, If she encounters other lone parents she will always empathise with them 'I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard doing it 'all alone', etc, etc). I just feel she doesn't have it that bad and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for the other person when they realise her setup! Am I missing something that would make her life much harder than say a couple with two young kids?

@BeatriceTheBeast I agree but also, I say things like that all the time- it's my bad sense of humour, it doesn't mean I actually mean it!

Ah ok. As a slightly off colour joke, I get it. People make jokes like that quite a lot and it's all about tone.

She has admitted recently that her life is absolutely perfect apart from when her child is around.

OMG really. Wtf. How awful.

Can you explain your point then in posting this?

@HeadLikeAFuckinOrange if a woman has an ex partner who sees and supports his DC, and pays financial support to their mum, she is a single woman, not a single mother

Unless it's shared custody there's no way you're not a single parent when the primary care giver.

Agreed Beatrice, realistically if a parent really does feel that way, genuinely, then it makes you wonder why they have children.

A single parents 'free time' is spent cleaning, doing house maintenance washing etc so not all sat on our arses drinking gin

ivegot Yes.
Yesterday my lovely childminder offered to keep DS (who is good friends with her own son) over for dinner and drop him home 1 1/2hr later than I was planning on collecting him.

"Have a nice bath" she said.

Instead I did as many of the jobs around the house I could so I would be able to spend time with DS later, and then got cracking on some household admin (including a bastard tax return). Granted, it was lovely to get those things done without any distractions but "having a nice bath" is the last thing on my mind when I get some child free time when I'm not working.

I wouldn't have it any other way, but it's pretty full on.

A single parents 'free time' is spent cleaning, doing house maintenance washing etc so not all sat on our arses drinking gin

Except for me, but I am a slattern and this is what I do in all my spare time regardless of whether I was a single parent, or like now where I have a DP. Difference now being that twice as much Gin is drunk as I no longer have to drink it alone.

raspberryk

You sound like my kind of woman! I'd suggest we wed immediately, but our gin bill would be enormous .

Haha imagine the reception bar bill @BeatriceTheBeast , I am envisaging a pimp your gin station!

That sounds amazing !

To the pp who hasn't sat on a sofa with their Dp since 2004 - you're doing something wrong. Really wrong

I'm a LP, I spend my evenings either out, or sitting on my sofa drinking tea or gin and watching box sets. I don't spend my evenings cleaning at all. I don't have army of staff. I have a full time job, loads of children , 3 cats and 2 dogs (I think I must win the prize on the hardship scale). - the hardest thing by far is the mental load of parenting alone. But I'm very happy and wouldn't go back to being married for anything.

.

I love my single life, and wouldn't have it any other way, but it isn't eary

I sit on my arse drinking gin in my childfree time. I run myself ragged doing housework after DS is in bed so that the 4 nights a month that I am childfree I can do fuck all.

It's hard being the only adult in the house, the kids are squabbling, dinner needs to be made, reading books fine etc. Yes there's people in a worse situation but it's not the same as a 2 adults in a house

@Waxonwaxoff0 you sound like the perfect wedding guest for @BeatriceTheBeast and I. We shall endeavour to arrange the date on one of your rare child free evenings!

Wishing wells, wedding bells, bottles full of giiiiiiiin...

Am I showing my age? That song's not even MY era, more like my mother's .

@raspberryk I am honoured! In fact, I have a bottle that I will be opening shortly. The weekend is upon us.

(I'm not even childfree tonight either).

Don't disown me, I've already cracked open the wine because dp is late home tonight so I felt guilty drinking the last of our lovely lemon drizzle Gin without him.

raspberryk

Well I don't think it's US you should be explaining to hmmm? I believe you owe gin an apology.

I drank champagne last night, as it was the official start of our holiday!

god I'm such an unfaithful witch, how will Gin ever forgive me?!

So if a parent has their partner over a few nights a week, does this mean they aren't allowed certain benefits? I am a bit clueless on all this.

Im on the wine! Left the office early today to bring theboys to varying appointments then invited neighbours kids in so my kids could have company and give me a couple hours peace to do the ironing and get prepping for the weekend ahead. Kids pizza has just arrived and that means at least an hours peace for me as they have tv and console upstairs. Friday is me night in this house and if it costs me a pizza and soda then its worth it. Who says we sole parents cant have fun lol Bottoms up ladies!

Cheers blowandgo and raspberryk !

Is her life more difficult than others? No. Definitely not. I'd kill for that sort of free time and the flexibility to work around my children like that.
Is she lonely? Yes probably.

@IceAndASlice123 yes apparently so according to any dwp worker I met. When the rules started changing around work and aged of DC I was brought into a work prep group and we were all lectured about boyfriends. The woman actually said "you aren't allowed boyfriends", and "you can't go abroad without informing us, your benefit stops for the duration you are away and you have to call when you get back".
How they then expect you to go from zero to 100 on the living with a partner as if you are a married couple when you can't have them over to test the water is beyond me.