To think this single parent has it relatively easy?

[coffeeforone]

A close friend constantly reminds me and others that she is a 'single parent' and how difficult it is for her and other SPs, I apparently have it so much easier as there are two of us. May be true, but in reality I think she has no idea how easy her life is. She has two primary aged kids (so SN) and works full time in the school that her kids go to, term time only so childcare is not an issue. If she wants to earn extra cash she can help out at wraparound clubs and the school doesn't charge for her kids to attend.

Her ExDH is a great dad which she admits herself, he financially supports her and collects kids every Friday from school and keeps them until Sunday midday, so both her weekend evenings and all day Saturday are completely free for her to do as she likes. She also has two sets of youngish GPs who she is on good terms with and will drop everything to take the kids whenever she asks (say they are off school sick or she has a work commitment/parents evening).

However, If she encounters other lone parents she will always empathise with them 'I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard doing it 'all alone', etc, etc). I just feel she doesn't have it that bad and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for the other person when they realise her setup! Am I missing something that would make her life much harder than say a couple with two young kids?

@SimonJT

You hit the nail on the head. Reading this post made me incredibly sad.

I volunteer for the homeless shelter. I see people with nothing. No food. No money. No family. No one who loves them. Yet most of them are kind heated. Brave. Warm. Loving. Even though life has hit them hard in the face many tines. I rarely hear them complain

Yet here we all are. Judging a woman we don’t even know. Shame on you.

And the username thing?!? Goodness me.

And if you (general) feel aggrieved or similar because she has free time. Talk to your partners to do their equal load to give you free time

I'm not aggrieved. But let's say I'd like a childfree weekend...I've never had one. I'd like one weekend off from making dinner, running baths, helping with homework. Yes, my dh could do these things but I couldn't literally sit at home and blank my kids and not lift a finger for a weekend, nor would I, my oh wouldn't do this either. So, yeah, I could have an evening out with friends, or pop to the shops but no, I can never have a childfree weekend at home.

You could buy your hubbie and kids a weekend break!

@OhILoveYourHairLikeThat

I wanted to say. I’m thinking about you. Hugs. I’m sending love. I wish I could help xxxxx

Also fyi, I don't get weekends home alone either. Unless my kids are in school or bed they are with me. Even when they go to activities where I have to drive them and collect them I still have to be around as activities are maximum an hour so no time to go to the gym or get my nails done, go shopping alone. Im very lucky that they are 11 and I now use the toilet all by myself. Seriously I think you need to actually sit down and have a chat to yourself about being a martyr.

and not lift a finger for a weekend

Do you think that’s what all single parents do?

I'm a single Mum who had no weekends free or ant time free because dds Father didn't want to know her after I had him arrested. I'll just say if you think it's brilliant try it and don't keep telling poster's to LTB and then judge those of us that have done so
What's with all the single Mum threads lately anyway

widowodiw ohiloveyourhair and others on this thread I want to thank you. I'm a live parent, from the start of pregnancy almost, dd's df has never wanted to see her, I do 100% and family the opposite of helpful. I work full time, do it all and am not physically exhausted much but emotionally and mentally yes. And I hide it all from dd. Some pp on this thread actually get it and I rarely come across anyone who gets it. In rl life saying anything about how hard it is seems to result in scathing responses from other mothers, comments that compete, shut me up, that negate my experience. I stay away from other parents as a result now. This thread has really helped me feel just a tiny bit less lonely, it tells me mine isn't the only experience like this and some people out there do understand.

And *lone parent, obvs.

What @OhILoveYourHairLikeThat said !

I also just wanted to point out that even having a new partner doesn't make it the same as having DC biological parent that lives with you co-parenting.
It helps in some respects, and complicates others, it can take away financial independence when they move in.

Of course they never take on anywhere near 50% of anything parent related, if in another thread it was suggested that a live in partner or even step-parent took 50% of the responsibility for child rearing there would be outrage. It isn't their role - right?

Also fyi, I don't get weekends home alone either

But the woman the op was talking about does. Clearly, I'm aware not all single parents get that.

Seriously I think you need to actually sit down and have a chat to yourself about being a martyr

I'm not a martyr. What do you suggest I do to not be a,martyr if you think I am one?

I'm not aggrieved. But let's say I'd like a childfree weekend...I've never had one. I'd like one weekend off from making dinner, running baths, helping with homework. Yes, my dh could do these things but I couldn't literally sit at home and blank my kids and not lift a finger for a weekend, nor would I, my oh wouldn't do this either. So, yeah, I could have an evening out with friends, or pop to the shops but no, I can never have a childfree weekend at home.

Surely you don't really need anyone to point out you can go out on your own do you? That you are not tied to your OH and noone, but noone ever said you would have to ignore you dc in order to have a dc free weekend?

Where do you get this from?

If you wanted a dc free weekend you coukd get up and walk out the door, thats a liberty, a huge one that because you choose to stay in you seem to be ignorant of!

DMs who cannot go out in the evening, are truly stuck in. You, OTOH, just completey are not.

You are in a different world to those who cannot do what you can.

You don't have to be a SP to be able to see that. Others can see it.

I'm a single Mum who had no weekends free or ant time free because dds Father didn't want to know her after I had him arrested. I'll just say if you think it's brilliant try it

Yes but we are discussing a mum who is in a different situation to you...so no one is judging your situation as being easy. The mum in the op has an involved ex and helpful extended family...yet would consider her situation comparable to yours because you're both single mums.

Raspberry K, the reality is, some new partners do try and take on a parenting role as they get told how crap the biological parent is 😐
It's a lot easier in many ways if the child gets on with the partner. It also gives the biological parent that emotional, practical and financial help that a lone parent would not have as well as always having that childcare cover.

We pick my stepson up Friday after school and drop him at school Monday morning. Every week. Extra days during holidays etc.
His mother would most definitely play on how hard it is to be a single parent. When in fact she
A. Has a long term partner living with her and
B. Has her son 4 mornings before school and 4 evenings after school. Max.

I don’t understand why you cannot have a child free weekend at home.
Hey dp how about you take the dcs away for the weekend camping, seeing relative or whatever.
He organizes everything.

You could have free time at the weekend leaving him home to do all that and you come home to a meal on the table.

Oh wait at any point during the week you can come home to a meal waiting and cooked for you.

Oh wait at any point during the week you can come home to a meal waiting and cooked for you

No i can't. He gets home at 7.30pm. What do you suggest? I wait for him to get home, drive round the block for an hour while he cooks a meal then come home and eat it?!

As for a childfree weekend? No I can't...he works all week and I'm a sahm...kids are at school. How cuntish would it be to fuck off for the weekend? Or expect him and the kids to.

Those are choices that you have made.
He could ask to reduce hours.
And why is it cuntish if they are doing something together that they enjoy? What about quality time.
Equally you could do the same and give him a weekend.

Your dh has you right there doesn't he former

If you think it's cuntish to take time for yourself.

This is a different excuse to last time when it was that you wouldn't want to leave him but go away with him, now its because its cuntish.

How cuntish us women are that go away, or expect our OH to cook when they get home. Hah hah hah. Literally lmfao

He could request wfh.
He never takes a day off so he would be home before you?

Sending all the love and thoughts back!!
(to those that deserve it)

It truly baffles me that some grown adults can be so short sighted and blinkered that they cannot see what they are saying is hurtful.
The 5 year olds I teach have more empathy than some of the arseholes I've seen post on here.

All of life's great moments (concerning your children) are truly enriched and more meaningful with your child's other parent present to share it.
I think about all the future big events that will likely occur in my child's life... Their exam results, their graduation, their wedding, I won't be able to give their dad's hand a little squeeze, share a happy tear and whisper "look what we did, we made that. Look at what a wonderful person they've become". I'll certainly be bursting with pride. But I'll be desperately alone with it too.
No amount of maintenance or other family support can fill that void.

And really. Just fuck off with the idea that "oh you get every other weekend to yourself, I wish I could have just one"
I don't get to choose the weekends I spend with my. Own. Child. Its decided for me.
I have to painstakingly plan all outings, holidays, birthday parties around a schedule that once again - is out of my control.
Not to mention all those memories that are made in those 100+ days a year for my child that I literally have no part in at all.
Years of memories for my child that don't include me. At all.

I just recently attended my child's parents evening. Sat there for a glorious 10 minutes listening to all the lovely things their teacher had to say about them. Desperate to get home and give them a massive hug and tell them how incredibly proud I am of them.
Except I couldn't. Because it was a fucking Wednesday. He wasn't there when I got home. So I came home to my empty house and had a cry with a glass of wine.
And had to wait until the end of the next day to give that hug. Then the lovely treat I would liked to have taken them on that weekend for trying so hard at school couldn't happen either. Because it's not my fucking weekend.

This epic rant isn't designed to drum up sympathy. I simply can't think of any other way to explain what is the true difficulty of single parenting to those who seem to either be out to cause offence or perhaps just simply stupid.

If I won the lottery, could afford a housekeeper, personal assistant and endless help it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to what the true gut wrenching issues are.

Sending love to those going it alone.
I hear you xxx

He could ask to reduce hours well, considering we're quite fond of having a roof over our heads and eating, no he couldn't...not to mention, that would be pretty cuntish of me too to be a sahm and expect that.

He never takes a day off so he would be home before you?

I'm home all day...I don't work.

If you think it's cuntish to take time for yourself

I have six hours a day to myself. I'm just saying for once, I'd love a whole weekend childfree.

How would your baby of an OH not die if you were not in his life.

You do know that wo/men working 12 hours a day come home.and cook, after picking up their dc from nursery/after school club/childminders?

They batch cook at the weekend to prepare for the week and so on.

They do this as single people without dc and survive, your OH would have to run his own home cook his own dinners buy his own shopping, and pick up his dc if he were a lone parent.

This is something he doesn't do, but something many sibgle mothers do.

But I am a cunt.
I didn’t put my existence as a person on the back burner because I had children or a relationship.
When I was in a relationship if I never came home to a cooked meal I would wonder wtaf. If he didn’t take our dcs out for the day and do something together I would wonder wtf. Even a kick around in the park was a thing he did.
And yes he worked long hours which couldn’t be flexi. But he still stepped up and did normal home stuff. He loved taking the dcs out alone and to spend that time together. At times he would batch cook stuff to help share the load.