To think this single parent has it relatively easy?

[coffeeforone]

A close friend constantly reminds me and others that she is a 'single parent' and how difficult it is for her and other SPs, I apparently have it so much easier as there are two of us. May be true, but in reality I think she has no idea how easy her life is. She has two primary aged kids (so SN) and works full time in the school that her kids go to, term time only so childcare is not an issue. If she wants to earn extra cash she can help out at wraparound clubs and the school doesn't charge for her kids to attend.

Her ExDH is a great dad which she admits herself, he financially supports her and collects kids every Friday from school and keeps them until Sunday midday, so both her weekend evenings and all day Saturday are completely free for her to do as she likes. She also has two sets of youngish GPs who she is on good terms with and will drop everything to take the kids whenever she asks (say they are off school sick or she has a work commitment/parents evening).

However, If she encounters other lone parents she will always empathise with them 'I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard doing it 'all alone', etc, etc). I just feel she doesn't have it that bad and it's a bit of a kick in the teeth for the other person when they realise her setup! Am I missing something that would make her life much harder than say a couple with two young kids?

@JacquesHammer if their father is involved, you are not a single parent. You're a parent that happens to be single in their relationship status. You are not parenting singlehandedly. You are sharing custody. Though if the father is not involved, then fair enough.

A single parent is a 'lone' parent in this part of the woods. Anyone calling themselves a single or lone parent in my circles when the other parent was still involved would be entirely lambasted because it minimises how hard it is being a lone parent and the sole care giver.

if their father is involved, you are not a single parent. You're a parent that happens to be single in their relationship status. You are not parenting singlehandedly. You are sharing custody. Though if the father is not involved, then fair enough

You don’t need to attempt to explain it again. I posted the helpful definition earlier.

By all means describe yourself as what you want. Allow me the same courtesy.

A single parent can also co-parent. One assumes this isn’t rocket science.

Thank god there's some people who can actually demonstrate empathy and compassion on this thread.

Those child free weekends are spent desperately missing my child. Their absence is so much harder because I have spent the preceeding days being absolutely everything to them. I think the phrase 'Feast and famine' is fitting here. It's a weird feeling in the house tbh.

And my child free weekends are not spent living it up and getting hammered with friends. They're filled with all the donkey work I don't have time to carry out when my child is with me. Because you know, I'm by myself with him the rest of the time, and try to make the most of that time DOING THINGS together.

So. I mow the lawn. Go to the tip. Do a food shop. Fix shit that has been waiting to be fixed for weeks. Sort out bills. Go the bank. Catch up on cleaning.

I do not go out on the lash eow drinking with my mates thanking my lucky stars I'm child free. I work fucking hard and miss my child to boot.
And unless by some coincidence you happen to have lots of single friends with no kids, most other people are doing things with their family at the weekend. Like I used to. So I've hardly got free friends on tap to 'crack open the wine' with.

HTH

My exh works 2 out of 3 weekends due to his job (train driver), one of his free weekends he spends with his partner and then the other he has DS. So I get one in 6 weekends free. (He has DS in the week too but I work so don't go out in the week).

I spend my evenings after DS has gone to bed doing housework as I'm working in the day and after school I'm doing dinner, homework, spending time with DS, bath and bedtime routines. I don't sit down until about 9pm and then I'm too tired to do anything else.

So yes I go out and socialise on my childfree weekends. Am I supposed to sit at home all weekend being miserable?

I had to spend 5 days away from DS recently as his father wanted to take him away and I hated every minute of it. It was the longest I've ever been without him. But imagine if I said no to my ex, I'd be told I'm a horrible mother not allowing DS to spend quality time with his dad.

Anyone calling themselves a single or lone parent in my circles when the other parent was still involved would be entirely lambasted because it minimises how hard it is being a lone parent and the sole care giver

What an awful lot of hideous people in your “neck of the woods”.

Single parent and lone parent are different thing in this “neck of the woods”. We acknowledge the unique and different challenges of each. It isn’t tricky, I’m sorry you find it so.

Brought my 2 kids up by myself whilst working full time. No support from family. Believe me it was BLOODY hard work. YABU.

She gets more breaks than me, I get up at 6am and cant sit down until 9.30pm but I've got company for an hour every evenings which I much prefer.

Of course parents shouldn't be sat at home not allowed to socialise and relax. I just meant I couldn't understand how a parent in that position could truly enjoy it. I cant imagine how hard it must be not having your child with you like that on a regular basis

Oh FFS, another MN thread judging women for their choices in life! I'm a lone parent and I wouldn't be pissed off at all if your friend was venting about how hard being a SP is to me, it is fucking hard! What really pisses me off is women who have a partner but say they "feel like a SP". If you are solely responsible for all the childcare, working, paying bills, DIY, cleaning, cooking, washing etc. and you have a partner then you are married to a twat and should really consider having the balls to join us rather than stewing in your own misery and judging the women you perceive "have it easier". Likely you stay with your partner because they bring some benefit to the relationship, which proves the point that it is easier to parent with a partner, whether that be financially, emotionally etc. otherwise you would leave. Many women don't choose to be a SP, your friend has risen to the challenge and managed to work hard to find a situation that works for her family. How horrible of you to judge her for that.

I think this all boils down to the stigma attached to being a SP (evidenced by the many snarky comments on this thread). Clearly those judgemental people who have a partner feel morally superior and feel they should be bestowed an easier life than a SP because they made "the right choices". You have no idea about the challenges she faces so why not be supportive when she is clearly looking for some compassion and support by venting to you.

Having involved GP's is no substitute for having a partner. There is alot of guilt attached to relying on extended family for childcare in addition to the monumental guilt of dealing with the fall out from divorce, missing time with DC because of work and spreading yourself so thinly 24/7. All this in addition to what other PPs have mentioned about lonliness, no one loving your child the same, dealing with DC with behavioural problems after divorce, watching your DC desperately miss their other parent and the never ending stigma of being a SP.

Why are you not complaining about the father who only has his DC 2 days a week but is likely being lorded as a superhero weekend dad "single dad" because he sees his children and pays maintenance. I guarantee he complains about his DC from time to time because guess what, parenting is hard no matter what your circumstances are. Abusive relationships aside, it is very obvious that doing it alone is harder than sharing the responsibility 50/50 with another person whether you have extended family involved or not.

Your friend is an inspiration for juggling all that she does and to all SP's on this thread. You are fabulous!!!

Well it's not a competition is it?

I'm divorced - my XH did EOW and wednesdays, he paid his child maintenance and was reliable. I organised everything for the kids. Around 16 the kids stopped going to him so those arrangements fell into disuse. I would never claim my life was as hard as my single parent friends who never got time out, couldn't afford childcare and struggled financially.

I have had a lot of adventures and travelled a lot more than my married friends.

However sometimes I spend all weekend alone. I don't get invited to socialise with many other families, I have often holidayed alone, been out for meals, hikes and cinema alone. I have no one who checks in with me and asks how my day, my week went. No one who treats me for my birthday or buys me special gifts. I have no one to lean on during the rough patches, with work, with my Mum dying, my father getting sick. I have worked full time since my kids were 6 and 4, got them through their GCSEs and A levels, and soon they will both be at college. I'm not a single parent but I'm on my own. I have lots of friends but no partner by my side. I know I've been strong and made it look easy but I hope my friends are not judgey and are kind behind my back.

you name call pp for having their experiences

No I don't.

You however seem to have a bee in your bonnet about me and my username

The stress of single parenting comes from the weight of the responsibilities, knowing that when it’s just you, it really is just you. If the kids kick off there’s no one who’s in the house to back you up. Knowing all the bills etc fall on you. The stress of dealing with an ex, the whole logistics of singling parenting, shuffling kids from one home to the next etc. Yes, she sounds like she has it easier than many, but don’t underestimate the gravity of the job. It’s a lot tougher than it looks.

I disagree with you and wonder at your odd replies.

I asked you about your user name, you refused to answer and made a deal about it, name-calling and quite nasty, and now you raise it again

I asked you about your user name, you refused to answer and made a deal about it, name-calling

I didn't call you any name Seriously, what are you on about?

As for my username...I'm sure you can Google the definition of the word former and the word babe and draw your own conclusion.

You've refused to answer, its pages back.

I asked you because you have called yourself that. Dont insult my intelligence to boot thinking its dictionary definitions I'm after hahahah. Anyone can see thats not why someone asks.

Either answer it or just leave it be. Your choice.

Yes I did refuse to answer but I certainly didnt start name calling as you suggested.

Why the obsession with formerbabes username?
I am really struggling to see why you are so bothered by it , why you are demanding an explanation and the relevance to this thread. Very odd. 😕

Are you going to let this go, or go on and on resurrecting it?

I asked, you refused, and some. Keep stoking that fire

To be fair, despite everything I've said, I'm very glad I'm divorced. But my xh was a twat.

What I would love more than anything else is someone to share the emotional baggage with. One of mine is currently in therapy, his twin is feeling left out because I have to spend a certain amount of time with the other talking about therapy etc etc and more time pretty much attending to him so his brother then feels so left out and I have to find more strength mentally to cope with that AFTER dealing with a panic attack from one. This is after a full day at work, an evening of sorting out costumes for them both for a halloween party in school tomorrow, dinners, homework and sorting lunches for tomorrow. I also have a house to clean, dogs to walk and tend to and right now I am in tears because it would be so fucking nice to have someone here to even cuddle me and tell me I am doing ok or even pour me a glass of wine - hell even to go out and get me some wine to begin with. People putting down or minimising what a single parent does really should do it in isolation for a month. I can assure you your minds would be opened and changed. Some stuff on this thread sickens me.

I think if your critical thinking skills can't stretch to interpreting my username, there's pretty much no hope.

What a thread 🧵

Are you two still
Going ! I stopped reading at 2pm

Ai ai ai go
Watch some
Netflix

Anyone calling themselves a single or lone parent in my circles when the other parent was still involved would be entirely lambasted because it minimises how hard it is being a lone parent and the sole care giver

What a load of rubbish. If the primary care giver is single, living alone with children of course they’re a single parent.