Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
ParkLife123 · 23/10/2019 20:01

YABU.

I really don’t get MN sometimes. Your husband was hungry, as is mine sometimes as soon as he gets home from work.

If the food, or part of it, is ready, I would and often do tell him to just help himself, and that there’ll be additional bits to have later on, if he wants seconds, for example.

I love having family dinners where we all eat together (we have 3DCs under the age of 5) so sometimes that works and we all eat together and sometimes it doesn’t - I’m not too precious about it! I could understand you wanting him to wait if you were planning to have a nice meal as a family. But as it’d just be you two it’s really not a big deal.

Is the issue that you don’t cook very often? Is it a special dinner when you cook it from scratch? I’m just struggling to understand the horror here because I cook from scratch around 3-4 times a week. So if my husband helped himself on a couple of those occasions and we ended up eating as a family 5 nights out of 7 then I don’t think that’s bad at all.

But those of you who would be “livid” at a husband helping himself to some dinner when he’s hungry and would obviously rather not wait around or have a banana Hmm ...you all sound like hard work!

Blahblahblahnanana · 23/10/2019 20:01

I’d eat with DS, there’s no reason why he can’t eat the same foods as you.

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 20:01

Can’t believe how worked up some of you are getting Grin

AdaColeman · 23/10/2019 20:03

I'd be annoyed at that behaviour too, rude, greedy and selfish.

I'd change the structure of the evening. Start to buy food that was quick to cook, fish, fresh pasta, egg dishes. Tell husband that he will be putting baby to bed whilst you cook.

While he is busy with baby, you cook the quick meal, then you are both ready to sit down and enjoy your meal together.

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/10/2019 20:04

YA SO NBU

I feel so upset just reading this.

Redlioness123 Does you and your DH take turns with the cooking? By his blase attitude, I'm guessing not. So disrespectful.

onthecoins · 23/10/2019 20:06

Very fucking rude of him.

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 20:06

I don't know, he is an adult, sound a bit shit not to be able to eat when you are hungry

Oh give over. 'Starving' here doesn't actually mean starving. This is grown man in a 1st world country where he has had lunch already. He could have waited until the baby was down and the rest of the dinner was ready.

It's nice for adults to carve out a bit of time to eat together in the evening. Only those with a pressing medical need wouldn't be able to wait until it was actually completely ready. It's not at all the same when the child or children are older and there's clubs and other stuff to be sorted.

adaline · 23/10/2019 20:06

What's the problem? He got home hungry and ate his dinner....

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2019 20:06

Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together??

No, not weird.

But if he's hungry and the lasagne is made, then I'd have just let him get on with it. And eaten mine when I'd done with the baby going to bed.

Stop cooking for him if it annoys you. Get him to cook instead. The person not doing baby bedtime should be the one cooking, imo.

I don't know, I think it's 6 of 1, half a dozen of the other. You're being a bit controlling insisting he waits if he's hungry and the food is ready, but also he is being a bit rude not bothering to wait for you when you have asked him to.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 23/10/2019 20:08

Why would he do this? Trust me in my house if he had, his dinner would be a tiny spoonful.

However..... you are completely and utterly unreasonably to say you CUT a salad. WTF does this mean? You MADE a salad to go with the lasagne? If that is the case, say it.

Your DH however, gets a spoonful of salad to go with his MADE salad.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 23/10/2019 20:08

I do think an adult should be able to eat when they want tbh. If you’ve been at work all day and are hungry some times you don’t want to wait another 45 minutes for dinner. I wouldn’t want a snack, I’d rather have my meal!

Mumsnet is a weird place sometimes. His your DH, it’s his home, his an adult and he was hungry in these circumstances it’s hardly rude if he was a guest then of course he would be. Then maybe I just like the man I married more than some on here

Monestasi · 23/10/2019 20:08

I don't understand why anyone would want a man in their home I really don't. They sound awful

there's always one

No, there is another.

OP, I have lived this. He is a selfish prick. Coming home to the smell of a cooking meal should make most people happy. Grab some nuts and a glass of wine... Wanker gave you no thought.

It is the reason why I only live with my children.

I cannot stand this male entitlement. Fuck that their hunger overrides everything. Especially when that means waiting a little while longer and enjoying the meal in the company of the person that cooked the meal for you.

AskMeHow · 23/10/2019 20:08

And dinner wasn't 'ready' - OP was preparing the rest of it. The actual meal, like grown ups have, with a range of things. Which he knew. but tough shit about that, just grab the bits that are ready like a total boor and start stuffing your face asap

This.

Rude and selfish behaviour. Is he often self centred OP?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:09

Another one here who tends to eat with DC and then DH heats up a portion later. He’s not home until after 8 most nights, I’m knackered by then and he is really hungry. I have to eat earlier than 8 or I feel sick anyway.

tangled2 · 23/10/2019 20:09

Definitely not being unreasonable. Dinner wasn't finished, just a part of it was, and he couldn't wait until the person who actually went to the trouble of making it was ready to sit down and eat with him? I'd be annoyed too. So irritating. He probably wasn't any more 'starving' than you but you had to put the baby to bed before you could tuck in.

NewyddJobbio · 23/10/2019 20:10

Mmmm I don't think this is too bad. I would be annoyed if it was a different meal he had though.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/10/2019 20:10

We are always hearing about how families should eat together.
OP was making a real effort to treat her DH to an extra nice dinner, to relax, have a chat and a glass of wine together after baby was settled.
His idea of effort was as soon as she left the room for five minutes, he's gulping down the food and calling her controlling, despite the fact he'd already been offered a snack. Really inconsiderate.
YANBU OP!

Ibizafun · 23/10/2019 20:10

I’d be livid because surely you were going to sit down and eat it together? Entitled pillock with no emotional intelligence.

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 20:12

I don't understand how it's controlling to expect you significant other to wait to eat with you Confused. Weren't most of us brought up to wait until everyone was seated before eating? Weren't most of us brought up to wait because mum was going to dish up dinner soon?

All of a sudden when it's a grown man and his wife (who has also been at work and will also be hungry, as well as preparing the food and also dealing with a baby) it's considered 'controlling'?

It's called courtesy for your partner, the person you are supposed to love and cherish.

NoSquirrels · 23/10/2019 20:13

You learn your lesson OP, next time make sure it isn’t ready until you are.

^^This. Prep the lasagne and put it in the oven when he gets in from work at 6.30. Then it's ready at 7.15 when you want to eat.

I think this is a mountain out of a molehill but more about lack of equality on cooking/baby duty etc.

Tweetingmagpie · 23/10/2019 20:13

Not very helpful but I don’t think either of you were being unreasonable!

I can see why you’re annoyed but I can also see his logic too, as long as you eat together later ( if that’s important to you) then why does it matter whether it’s a small portion now and bigger portion later or vice versa?

justasking111 · 23/10/2019 20:13

We share the cooking OH would be furious if I had dug into a meal he had worked hard to produce so I can see OP point. It is nice to just sit down together when the children are in bed sometimes.

StroppyWoman · 23/10/2019 20:14

YANBU

He was bloody rude and disrespectful.
He's not "starving". People in famines are starving. He was hungry. A piece of bread and butter would keep him going until the baby was settled and you could have eaten together. Neither I nor my DH would dream of doing this to one another.

Lasagne from scratch is a faff. It sounds a lovely dinner. I don't blame you for beig cross that you thoughtfully prepared a nice meal to eat together and he scoffed it while you were busy settling your baby.

LilyAraminta · 23/10/2019 20:14

I see why you are upset! I think that is super rude. The evening meal was only partially ready, a snack was easily available, and the wait was less than a hour (and it sounds like he could have relaxed with a drink while you finished the meal prep/put baby down).
For perspective, I thought about if I was to go to a friend's house who had invited me for dinner and put a lot of effort into a nice lasagna but still had to make the salad and sides. Would I announce "I'm starving" and immediately serve up a heaping portion while she was out of the room? Or would I grab a glass of wine for us both and keep her company or help prep so that we could sit down to the lovely meal she made and enjoy it together? Obviously I'd do the latter. When someone takes the time to make a nice meal, the least you can do is enjoy it together, not prioritize shoving the food in your face ASAP, manners and kindness be damned.

AutumnRose1 · 23/10/2019 20:14

I don't get it

Long days and commutes and coming home starving....why fill up on something else when dinner is actually there and ready to eat?

It's not like he wasn't going to sit with you while you ate.

Swipe left for the next trending thread