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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
cstaff · 23/10/2019 20:14

I would be so mad having gone to the effort. And starving - I don't bloody think so. Maybe a bit peckish. Ffs

AutumnRose1 · 23/10/2019 20:15

What's more odd is if you always cook, unless that's part of a bigger things of sharing chores.

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 20:15

@seaweedandmarchingbands so not relevant at all to this situation then?

PS I manage to come home every night from work, DH has made dinner. Not only do I manage to wait - even if starving! - but so do my three children.

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 20:16

@SheSaidHummingbird I hope you’re taking the piss 😂

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 20:16

@seaweedandmarchingbands so not relevant at all to this situation then?

Just an observation. In this situation I wouldn’t be upset.

ParkLife123 · 23/10/2019 20:16

I’ve never heard such utter nonsense on a thread before. Let your other half eat their food! I guarantee he would not have had a problem with it had he cooked and you can’t home from work “starving”.

Please OP, don’t listen to the bizarre people telling you never to cook for him again, or worse, that you should make some massive speech about what a pig he is.

I’m really not surprised so many marriages end in divorce with the sort of advice some of you are dishing out!

Next time, just tell him dinner isn’t ready yet if that’s honestly what you think.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/10/2019 20:17

I couldn’t get too worked up about this. If he was hungry I would have just had the meal earlier or told him to help himself.

Mind you I have a teenage 6ft rugby forward eldest son so I don’t actually expect edible food to remain uneaten for long Wink

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/10/2019 20:19

LTB - Lasagne Tastes Brilliant

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/10/2019 20:22

On a serious note I agree with a PP that this is symptomatic of something else. Does he leave you holding the baby, literally and figuratively whilst he relaxes after his hard day, conveniently forgetting you have also had a hard day.

leghairdontcare · 23/10/2019 20:23

Very surprised by the number of people on this thread who have said "he's an adult" to mean he can eat when he wants and to hell with his wife and young child.

To me, "he's an adult" means he is more than capable of waiting 45 minutes to eat his dinner.

JellyfishAndShells · 23/10/2019 20:24

‘Starving ‘ - ridiculous, just ill mannered and inconsiderate. He’s not going to be dropping dead on the spot from not eating the moment he gets home and 7,15 is their normal dining time. I’d be furious too. OP.

Fantie · 23/10/2019 20:26

It’s not ‘to hell with his wife and child’.

He didn’t eat it all, plenty left for his wife to eat and there child already had food. The only difference is they won’t be sat down together for a change.

Hardly the end of the world! He was hungry, leave the poor man alone.

JenniferM1989 · 23/10/2019 20:26

I would be more concerned at the lack of baby/daddy time. If your son goes to bed at 6:30 but your husband doesn't come home until 6:30, when does he see his son? Isn't it more important that they spend time together than you getting a peaceful dinner with a glass of wine? It's your life but I would push bedtime back to 7:30 and eat all together around 6:30 so at least there's some element of family time and your son to spend time with his dad and dad with son. Also, no one will be starving. It sounds a bit prison-ey and not about anyone's needs, more about maximising leisure time!

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 20:26

If one of my kid was eating a banana 30 minutes before dinner, I would tell them off Grin

Honestly, the food is ready, someone is hungry, why can't they eat?
If it's your child who is hungry, don't you just serve them tea which is ready, or do you genuinely tell them to eat banana and toast to make sure they will be full for dinner?!

We don't really eat in the afternoon in my house, but if one of us hasn't had lunch and there's food when they arrive... then they eat?

What a lot of drama.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 20:27

If your son goes to bed at 6:30 but your husband doesn't come home until 6:30, when does he see his son?
don't go there, I never understand posters who put their kids to bed in the afternoon! And usually moan they get up too early in the morning...

DoctorAllcome · 23/10/2019 20:28

Sorry, I’m in the minority, YABU acting like his mother with the dinner shall be at 7:15 and how DARE he start eating at 6:45 outrage. He’s not a child to be told...oh, we cannot possibly eat a whole 30mins early.have a banana dearie so you don’t ruin your appetite.

He has done nothing wrong at all.

cushioncovers · 23/10/2019 20:29

Yanbu op your dh was being a greedy sod. Have a snack by all means but if the meal wasn't ready it was rude of him to scoff some of it beforehand.

CalamityJune · 23/10/2019 20:31

I can't bear threads like this where people nitpick at irrelevant details.

The OP has explained why they don't eat with the baby and why she is home sooner. If she wants double carbs, who the fuck cares?

I would be annoyed at this. Presumably you are also pretty hungry and looking forward to your meal but have waited for him so that you can eat and spend some time together after a long day.

It's made worse by the fact that you have gone to a special effort and taken time to make something nice. It's not just the same old thing that you have every week.

OlderthenYoungerNow · 23/10/2019 20:31

JenniferM1989
I would be more concerned at the lack of baby/daddy time. If your son goes to bed at 6:30 but your husband doesn't come home until 6:30, when does he see his son? Isn't it more important that they spend time together than you getting a peaceful dinner with a glass of wine? It's your life but I would push bedtime back to 7:30 and eat all together around 6:30 so at least there's some element of family time and your son to spend time with his dad and dad with son. Also, no one will be starving. It sounds a bit prison-ey and not about anyone's needs, more about maximising leisure time!

Wtf? I get home at 7.15 most nights, husband has baby in bed and I've not seen her. It kills me, but your judgemental comments about parents not seeing their kids on weeknights is rude. My toddler sleeps 7am to 7pm, has eaten at the childminders when my husband gets her. I'm not pushing her bedtime back just so I can see her.

HermioneWeasley · 23/10/2019 20:31

The food was cooked and he was hungry. He appreciated your efforts, declaring it delicious and enjoyed the other parts with you at the appointed time.

I really don’t see the problem

There’s also the thread about the woman annoyed the cake she left in the office communal kitchen was eaten. What’s with people being weirdly controlling about food tonight?

DoctorAllcome · 23/10/2019 20:31

, I never understand posters who put their kids to bed in the afternoon! And usually moan they get up too early in the morning...

🤣😂 this is so true! A friend of mine does this exact thing. She just does not get that a kid that needs 10hrs of sleep will wake up and be bouncing off the walls 10hrs after you put them to bed. Even whenever babies my kids bedtime was never earlier than 8pm.

Aprillygirl · 23/10/2019 20:31

I'd be pissed off too OP. It was inconsiderate, rude and immature of him not to have waited. Let him cook next time, and dive into it before all the components are ready to be served and see how he likes it.

meyouandlulutoo · 23/10/2019 20:33

YANBU, I would feel just as you do, and you are definitely not controlling by telling him how you feel about it. His only saving grace is that he complimented you on how delicious it was. I don't believe for a minute he would have had a small spoonful at dinner time either until he realised you were upset! It is much nicer to sit down together and eat at the end of a busy day, and 7.15 pm is not late especially as you can relax to eat as little one is in bed.

SabineUndine · 23/10/2019 20:34

Why didn't he just say 'can we eat now instead of later'?

Cheeserton · 23/10/2019 20:34

Seriously dickish behaviour. Let him cook dinner for ages next time then sneak in and eat it while his back is turned - he'll soon realise.