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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
CaptainPovey · 23/10/2019 19:41

Knob

Original poster
Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:41

@Namechangeforthiscancershit

*I don't understand. Were you still feeding the baby? If you were, why wasn't he doing anything useful to help?

If the baby had eaten already, why didn't you and DH eat together?*

I'd fed the baby before DH had got home. We always eat after baby has gone to bed as it's not enjoyable to eat my dinner with an active 13 month old wanting my attention and requiring me to get up every 5 minutes. Don't people like to relax when they're eating their dinner, possibly have a glass of wine, possibly watch some TV? Personally I can't do that when DS is awake but if others can then I am envious!

I get home earlier than DH as my work allows flexi (his doesn't), his commute is also longer

By the way he does have a lunch at work, and I'm also hungry when I get back, but manage to eat a cracker or slice of toast rather than a hot "pre-dinner" of the dinner!

OP posts:
CormacMcLaggen · 23/10/2019 19:42

I wouldn't want wedges with a lasagna. Very carb heavy.

Double carbs gives life meaning.

Wheelerdeeler · 23/10/2019 19:43

Why don't you all eat together? Why does the baby eat alone?

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 19:44

I don't know, he is an adult, sound a bit shit not to be able to eat when you are hungry.

We have diner a lot later than that, but if DH comes home early and want to eat, not sure why he should have a snack instead of an early dinner just because I happened to cook it.

Unless your DH was supposed to dress the table and wait for you, and left you an empty plate and to eat alone, in that case I agree, it's rude.

Isitnearlyweekend · 23/10/2019 19:45

I would have just said ok well we’ll have an early tea and both eat now. Although half 6 isn’t particularly early for tea (I realise it may be for you). I can understand why you were annoyed but you sound a bit controlling around the precise time for tea.

ChicCroissant · 23/10/2019 19:45

The OP says he does this a lot, which is a fairly good indication that he doesn't want to wait until 7.15pm to eat! Not really a surprise that he started early in that case, especially if the meal seemed ready at the time.

Can he put the baby to bed and you can both eat earlier?

joffreyscoffees · 23/10/2019 19:45

We also eat after DD is in bed.. well most of the time, tonight we didn't and she wouldn't stop putting her hands in my food and stealing tofu - I did find out she likes spicy food at 15 months old though Grin

I don't know why anyone would want to eat with a toddler around, it is in no way enjoyable. She eats at nursery before coming home so just had milk and/or toast before bed.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 19:45

Don't people like to relax when they're eating their dinner, possibly have a glass of wine, possibly watch some TV?

if you are watching tv, you can't complain that someone else is not eating with you, makes no difference Grin

Yes, a nice relaxing diner is great, but it doesn't really work with kids.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/10/2019 19:45

But dinner wasn't actually ready, OP was going to do extra bits with it. I sometimes cook a casserole during the day if I have time, then reheat when we are all in the house and do potatoes and possibly some extra veg (depending what's in the casserole) once we are ready to sit down for dinner. DS is usually starving when he gets in, wouldn't be too impressed if he ate casserole then and then had potatoes later.

Why couldn't DH sort out the baby whilst OP did the wedges or vice versa?

Jollitwiglet · 23/10/2019 19:46

I too find it bizarre to have dinner kept waiting for a precise time when it's ready.

My husband and I normally eat together but if he came home from work particularly hungry and dinner was ready, I would just either dish some up or tell him to help himself. Just as I would help myself if I was particularly hungry.

Missing one meal together isn't the end of the world. Likewise eating while a young child is awake once in a while isn't the end of the world.

If my husband insisted I ate a bloody banana when there was dinner ready, I would think he had gone nuts

ChilledBee · 23/10/2019 19:47

For health reasons related to weight maintenance, I'd probably go for dinner without a snack rather than snack plus dinner. Then there is the lasagna + wedges thing. These don't sound like the best eating habits TBH. I also think children should eat with their caregivers as often as possible. Even if that means one of the CG eating alone most nights. It is more important they develop healthy eating patterns and a varied diet. Eating with adults helps that.

Original poster
Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:47

Oh, and pre baby, he used to moan about eating too early as he was hungry by 10 and then "having to eat again" - so this after 7pm timing is not dictated by me/the baby's routine

OP posts:
Upsiedasie · 23/10/2019 19:47

I’m surprised so many people are getting so worked up by this

He came home from work really hungry and tea is sitting ready in the oven but he’s not allowed it until you say so? Unless the massive portion he took was more than his share, it’s not a big deal whether he eats it at 6.30 or 7.15. Presumably he contributes to the food shopping?

I wouldn’t go as far as saying it’s controlling but if my husband tried to tell me I couldn’t eat my tea when I was just home from work starving I wouldn’t be impressed.

Jollitwiglet · 23/10/2019 19:48

And if you're watching TV during dinner, why does it even matter if you eat together?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/10/2019 19:48

seaweed but if you'd spent time making a nice meal and specifically asked your DP to hang on so you could eat together, and he ignored you... Wouldn't that bother you?

madcatladyforever · 23/10/2019 19:48

I don't understand why anyone would want a man in their home I really don't. They sound awful.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/10/2019 19:49

If the usual way is that they eat dinner together then he is being a dick for just cracking on with eating. He could have just got stuck in with making wedges, laying table, putting baby to bed. It's entirely possible to hold off for 45 mins before eating dinner with the person who made it and with whom you typically sit and eat with.

He should have just had an apple or something.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/10/2019 19:49

Don't people like to relax when they're eating their dinner, possibly have a glass of wine, possibly watch some TV?

Isn't that a luxury? You can have dinner put kids to bed then relax with a glass of wine and TV. I dont see starving yourself very relaxing and I wouldn't enjoy my dinner if I had snacked just before.

Crinkle77 · 23/10/2019 19:49

Good God. The man is hungry. Just let him have his tea.

Marnie76 · 23/10/2019 19:49

Why are people banging on about who cooked the food and looked after the baby. Who ever is home first and has the baby with them does those things surely. It’s hardly a sexist thing just a logical one 😳.

That aside, I’d have been really annoyed, you put together a decent meal for you to enjoy together not for him to scoff alone.

Fluffyhairforever · 23/10/2019 19:50

Yes YANBU. You wanted time to feed your child and have a drink and relax yourself. What doesn’t he understand about that?

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 23/10/2019 19:50

Dinner wasn’t ready though. Lasagne was in the oven, but other elements of the meal still needed cooking.

If I routinely came home to a dinner cooked by my full-time-working partner and baby bath time and bedtime all done, I’d be looking to see what I could do to help on the day I got back early and saw both jobs needing finishing. Instead of helping, he’s left OP to sort dinner and baby while he troughs the lasagne.

If it wasn’t for the age and sex of the baby, I would wonder whether you are my sister OP- her husband is like this with food.

ChicCroissant · 23/10/2019 19:50

I don't expect my tea/dinner/whatever you call it to last me until bedtime either tbh - nothing wrong with a snack/supper later on Grin

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 19:50

I don't understand why anyone would want a man in their home I really don't. They sound awful.

there's always one Hmm