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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
LucileDuplessis · 23/10/2019 19:26

YANBU and I would be really irritated!

Original poster
Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:26

@TitianaTitsling no, it's not cooking in the oven, it is in one of those drawers that keeps the food warm at the bottom.

Just about to eat mine now and it's not dried!

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 23/10/2019 19:26

Also why are you always the one feeding and putting the baby the bed? What can’t he do his fair share ?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/10/2019 19:28

I don't understand. Were you still feeding the baby? If you were, why wasn't he doing anything useful to help?

If the baby had eaten already, why didn't you and DH eat together?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 23/10/2019 19:28

PS I want lasagne now, can you bring it round?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 19:29

Wouldn’t bother me. If the food is ready and my DH wants to eat it, he’s welcome to it. We’re relaxed at home.

57Varieties · 23/10/2019 19:29

She explained why the dinner wasn’t ready . She was making wedges and putting the baby to bed.

Whilst he did fuck all except proclaim himself starving and eat the food before it was ready. Prick.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/10/2019 19:29

“ Also why are you always the one feeding and putting the baby the bed? What can’t he do his fair share ?”

FFS 🙄

Smelborp · 23/10/2019 19:30

That would irritate me. I would have served him wedges and salad only too. Time for him to start cooking more.

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 19:31

You should have just handed him the baby and gone and had your dinner in peace while he did bedtime.

callmeadoctor · 23/10/2019 19:32

I f he is starving when he gets home, eat earlier and share putting child to bed duties?

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 19:33

Honestly if I came in from work and my dinner was ready and dp told me I had to wait another 45 mins to eat it, I would laugh at him.

Hydrogenbeatsoxygen · 23/10/2019 19:34

I’d go apeshit at my DH if he did that. Put your foot down OP, he’s being totally out of order.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/10/2019 19:34

seaweed there's a difference between relaxed and rude. Lots of people like to eat meals together - nothing uptight about it.

Leeds2 · 23/10/2019 19:34

It would've annoyed me too, but I don't actually think DH is being unreasonable. Next time, maybe give him DS to put to bed whilst you are finishing off the wedges/salad.

MissConductUS · 23/10/2019 19:35

YANBU. What really gets me is when I make a nice dinner and everyone comes in and starts stuffing their faces with crisps or pretzels 20 minutes before dinner is ready.

helen650 · 23/10/2019 19:36

I couldn’t get worked up about this. If you’re hungry and the dinner is ready eat it and enjoy it.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/10/2019 19:36

Imagine a husband has cooked this meal. Wife comes in from work tired and hungry. Food is ready but she is told she must wait another 45 minutes.

She decides to eat some anyway. Husband is furious and kicks off.

The controlling husband narrative would be reached for immediately.

SquishySquirmy · 23/10/2019 19:36

Very rude.
Especially if you were busy settling the baby while he tucked into the meal you prepared.
Trying to articulate why it seems so rude to me, I suppose it's because generally when someone cooks you a nice meal, you eat together. One exception to that is when you're at a restaurant, or when the person cooking is a servant.
So I think in your shoes I'd feel a bit like staff... Cook the meal, then settle the baby while his lordship eats, then eat your own meal later once the work is done.
Of course it's not always practical to eat together, but when you've gone to the effort of preparing something particularly nice it is entirely reasonable to expect him to make the (much lesser effort) of waiting for you.
Would be not too bad if it was a ready meal or similar.

Like PPS, I would like to know if he cooks dinner too? If not why not? Does he pull his weight with tidying up, or is that your job too?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 19:36

seaweed there's a difference between relaxed and rude. Lots of people like to eat meals together - nothing uptight about it.

There’s also what one person finds rude and what another person finds rude. This wouldn’t bother me.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/10/2019 19:37

I would be more mad if I made a meal and when he came home from work he stuffed his mouth with bananas and toast. Then when it came time for the dinner he passed on the lasagne and said he just wanted salad.

He was starving, the meal was ready/drying out, he complimented you on your cooking and also sat down with you to have dinner at the time of your choosing.

If it was that important you could have had dinner at 6:30 when he was starving.

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 23/10/2019 19:37

I’d be really annoyed by that. It’s the implication that the big man must be fed immediately on demand, while wife does the rest of the cooking and sorts the baby. He could have helped by sorting the baby out while you finished cooking.

FloatingObject · 23/10/2019 19:38

@Drogosnextwife You're an adult. It's good to feel hunger sometimes. I think we live in a society of constant snacking now, so when someone feels the slightest pang of hunger they act like their blood sugar is going to plummet and they'll pass out.

A healthy adult shouldn't rent really need a snack to tide them over tbh, but he could have had a banana or a slice of toast or something while he waited for the OP to do the wedges and feed the baby.

You arent being unreasonable OP. Its annoyed you because maybe YOU were also hungry, but you had stuff to finish before you could eat. It was galling to you to watch him fulfil some kind of childish urge, having not lifted a finger, while you delayed yours.

StreetwiseHercules · 23/10/2019 19:38

“ Like PPS, I would like to know if he cooks dinner too? If not why not? Does he pull his weight with tidying up, or is that your job too?”

Sounds like you already have your narrative firmly in mind.

ChilledBee · 23/10/2019 19:40

I wouldn't want wedges with a lasagna. Very carb heavy.