Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and Dinner - AIBU

682 replies

Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:15

I'm just really interested to know whether I am BU or not, as my husband thinks I'm being controlling

I have made a lasagne today. It's not something we have often so I spent a bit of time on it making it from scratch etc. I also cut a nice salad to go along with it and I was planning to make some seasoned wedges before serving around 7.15pm (the time we eat most days).

DH arrived home from work around 6.30. Claimed he was starving, I told him what was for dinner and to have a banana or something (Lasagne is already made and is staying warm at the bottom of the oven)

I went out the kitchen to do something and returned after 5 mins to see that he has helped himself to a ginormous serving of the lasagne and begins complimenting me about delicious it is. I got visibly annoyed and asked why he couldn't have something else or at the very least, a tiny portion rather than a dinner-sized portion. His response was that he is only going to have a small spoon of it when we sit down for dinner and have a plate made up mainly of salad and wedges instead Hmm

I've left him to it but it's pissed me off so much - he does this all the time and I think it's so disrespectful to someone who's been slaving away in a kitchen to just dip into a hot dinner they've made like it's a snack. Is it weird that I would want to eat it and enjoy it together?? Maybe I'm just being silly - it would be great to get opinions!

Also I'm not sure if it's relevant but I work full time too and usually try to get home much earlier than DH to make a start on his snack dinner

OP posts:
seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 19:51

seaweed but if you'd spent time making a nice meal and specifically asked your DP to hang on so you could eat together, and he ignored you... Wouldn't that bother you?

I probably wouldn’t. I’d suggest we binned the wedges and just sat down and ate the lasagne if he was really hungry. And if I was putting the baby to bed (if it was my turn - not sure why OP is cooking and doing bedtime) I would tell him to go ahead without me. We’re chilled.

DeRigueurMortis · 23/10/2019 19:51

He was incredibly rude.

If my DH did this (though he never would) he'd be wearing the rest of the dinner on his head.

When someone's gone to the trouble of cooking a nice meal you don't either ruin your appetite by stuffing your face before hand or delve into the dinner solo. Basically he's rude twice over.

I'd be really, really cross.

BigFatLiar · 23/10/2019 19:51

The only thing I'd suggest is two smaller dishes so you have single servings so he can't eat your portion Grin

Goricki19 · 23/10/2019 19:51

I think I would be annoyed too. Basically you’ve picked up your child from childcare arrangements, came home, entertained child, made dinner and fed child, made another dinner, put child to bed. Came back thinking you would be able to sit down with your DH, relax, talk about day etc only to find out he has already eaten.

Tomorrow when he comes in I would leave child to be put down by him and sit up on the sofa and have my own dinner let him have his on his own

TooLittleTooLate80 · 23/10/2019 19:52

Bit of an over reaction although he probably shouldn't have had that much.

Blahdyblahblahblah · 23/10/2019 19:52

he was starving

Please, he wasn’t fucking starving, he was hungry and didn’t want to wait for his wife to sit down and have a meal together. He’s hardly going to die of malnutrition in 45 minutes. You learn your lesson OP, next time make sure it isn’t ready until you are.

Original poster
Redlioness123 · 23/10/2019 19:53

Yes I agree @ChilledBee but at 13 months old, I really am not worried about instilling that just yet. He's barely on solids

OP posts:
summersherewishiwasnt · 23/10/2019 19:53

He is rather impatient isn’t he.
I’m amazed at the amount of alternative suggestions for the op. Eat earlier , eat with the baby, eat alone. That wasn’t the bloody question.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 23/10/2019 19:53

I would be annoyed by this - if I've made a nice dinner, and I'm off doing some task, and you tuck in while I'm doing it rather than wait and eat with me like a civilised adult, then I'm not bloody making the effort again.

A considerate partner would grab a snack, or pitch in with the child so you can perhaps eat a little earlier. Not just tuck in while the other's still working.

ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld · 23/10/2019 19:53

It is bloody annoying. 45 minutes isn't going to kill the man, and it's nice to wait and eat together.

I am very impressed you worked a full day and whipped up a lasagne while looking after 13 month old!

Zebraaa · 23/10/2019 19:53

Jesus Christ , what a fuss over nothing.

He came home from work hungry and ate his tea. The end.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 23/10/2019 19:54

But he was starving and you wanted him to wait 45 mins

Starving? Really?

He was hungry. Not "starving". He wasn't going to faint. He presumably doesn't;t have diabetes or any other condition that means he has to have meals at particular intervals.

He could have had a banana, or just a cup of tea. He wouldn't have got less hungry when dinner time came round and they could have enjoyed the lasagne together. AT worst he could have said "I'm really hungry - can we not eat earlier tonight, and then when Baby is in bed we can just relax with a glass of wine and talk about stuff."

I would have been really pee'd off by this.

SweetNorthernRose · 23/10/2019 19:54

If dh was really that hungry I'd rather he ate the dinner I'd made a bit early than start snacking and end up being too full to eat dinner tbh. It would annoy me a bit that he couldn't practice a bit of self restraint, but not enough to get this worked up about it!

FizzyGreenWater · 23/10/2019 19:54

Yep, really bad manners. You sit down together and have a civilised evening meal, catch up together. Fair enough if you were planning food at 9, but there wasn't long to wait, and you'd already asked him to just have a snack.

Piggish, badly brought up behaviour - does he generally have poor manners though? If he was brought up that way maybe he just doesn't get it.

Beth3886 · 23/10/2019 19:55

Shows how much you cook! For one day don't do it. Then at the time you normally eat wack in a pizza or something quick. But before this keep saying "don't know what we're having"
Then see how he feels. Cause I guarantee it will be how you feel right now! Pissed off!

P. S can I have homemade lasagne? Sounds delicious 😊❤️

PollyShelby · 23/10/2019 19:56

Wouldn't bother me as long as he liked it.

Lindy2 · 23/10/2019 19:56

I think I'm in the minority but I wouldn't be particularly fussed by this. We do tend to be fairly relaxed about our weekday dinners though and often all eat at different times because of work, clubs etc.

If I was starving at 6.30pm and there was a nice lasagne all ready I'd dish up a portion even if my DH wasn't home yet. Likewise if he came in at 6.30 and said he was starving I'd tell him to help himself.

Weekdays are a bit too hectic for us to expect to sit and eat together. We do try and do family meals at the weekend though, particularly on Sundays.

chardonm · 23/10/2019 19:57

Is he a toddler? He's hungry ok. He can wait for his dinner!

Fantie · 23/10/2019 19:58

I don’t see a problem but I probably only eat once a week with my partner.

He was hungry. Tea was done so he helped himself to a portion.

You can just eat yours when you want it.

FizzyGreenWater · 23/10/2019 19:58

And dinner wasn't 'ready' - OP was preparing the rest of it. The actual meal, like grown ups have, with a range of things. Which he knew. but tough shit about that, just grab the bits that are ready like a total boor and start stuffing your face asap.

OP, tell him it stops, or you stop cooking - why fucking bother if he's going to act like a pig in a chip shop? Tomorrow, when he comes in 'starving', point him to the beans on toast and say, oh I couldn't be bothered, it won't be as if we sit together and have a nice meal or anything as you'll just go straight to the kitchen and stick your snout into whatever's ready first, so, knock youself out on the easy stuff.'

museumum · 23/10/2019 19:59

My husband cooks for us 90% of the time. There’s no way I’d grab my portion and eat it myself while he was still doing childcare or housework!! It’s so rude not to wait for the cook.

kateandme · 23/10/2019 19:59

even if he wanted it earlier and it was ready then he should have still waited because you werent ready and sittting down too!if you sit down for a fmaily meal someone has cooked then you sit down for a meal someone has cooked.
i cant put it into words either but its really bad.not even my dad would do this.he would sit down with a plate of cheese and i thought that was wrong!

Span1elsRock · 23/10/2019 19:59

When ours were little, I'd cook around 5pm to 5.30pm and then just keep DH's on a plate in the oven while I ate with the kids. That way, I could do bath time while DH ate then cleaned the devastation in the kitchen and put the dishwasher on Grin

It's pretty rude of him to not wait given you'd made a lot of effort. I'm not sure I'd make that effort again given his attitude. Having a piece of toast wouldn't have killed him.

Fantie · 23/10/2019 20:00

Well it was ready wasn’t it.

Lasagna was the main meal which was ready.

Wedges and salad were just side bits you could have if you wanted.

midnightmisssuki · 23/10/2019 20:01

How uncouth!!!! Yuck.

Swipe left for the next trending thread