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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and pick up daughter

318 replies

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 17:39

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

OP posts:
Nextphonewontbesamsung · 23/10/2019 14:41

Could you also get some ice lollies? I think M&S do nice pineapple and coconut ones but any will do if they don't have them.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 23/10/2019 14:43

Arf! I'm off my tits on codeine and have just posted what was supposed to be a text to my dh on this thread!! Sorry Halloween Grin

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 23/10/2019 14:45

and cycled loads and was very fit and attractive.
What on earth has that got to do with getting a lift or not?!

HerbalEssences · 23/10/2019 15:08

@nextphonewontbesamsung don't worry about it. I bet the most of us have made similar mistakes, even without the Codeine.

Aaarrgghhh · 23/10/2019 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sunshine11 · 23/10/2019 17:30

I’d always go. They’re your child and you’re responsible for them. Life as an adult is pretty shitty, why not indulge them as kids?

minny80 · 23/10/2019 17:37

Walk there and pick her up. Isn't lazy to drink tea when you know your daughter's friend parents will bring her home?

Lincolnfield · 23/10/2019 17:40

Mmm - interesting. We live near a secondary school and every morning and every afternoon I notice little princes and princesses being ferried right up to the school doors. These kids are from 12 to 16 years old. Parents don’t even drop them off at the gates. No, they fight to get right up the drive to the door.

I can’t help but notice that an awful lot of these kids appear to be enormously fat.

Other kids, less pampered, turn up on the bus and walk up the hill o the school. By and large they are much slimmer and enjoy the companionship of their friends as they walk up together.

OP mentioned a walk of a mile? That’s about a twenty minute walk. I doubt it would do her DD any harm and actually do her more good.

Sorry but we are breeding a spoilt generation of legless kids.

Summertimeandlivingiseasy · 23/10/2019 17:42

I would have walked and got her or met her halfway and enjoyed chatting with her on the walk back home.

Localocal · 23/10/2019 17:57

If it's daytime and safe and she knows the way I would insist she walk on the basis of fresh air and exercise.

letsleepingbabieslie · 23/10/2019 18:00

Unless she has mobility problems she should walk back. My 4 year old walks a mile and back to school every day. It’s nothing. Can not understand how lazy people are these days.

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 18:04

Wow OP bet you're glad you asked! Grin

This child is 13, it wasn't cold or wet, it'll GET wetter and colder and darker after this weekend and she'll be getting herself to school on her own.

Sorry about those that have had bad experiences. Don't use them to stop teenagers from getting a bit of independence. Part of our job as parents is to eventually let them free - you can't do that if you routinely collect them from a mile away in the light because something might happen. No matter how worried it might make us feel.

@twosoups1972 OP posted last night that her daughter walks twice the distance to school.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 23/10/2019 18:06

For the sake of ‘trying to teach your daughter a lesson’ or whatever reason - just go and pick her up 🙄

1Wildheartsease · 23/10/2019 18:10

You could call her bluff and walk over to 'collect' her :)

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 18:32

But why though @MrsBadcrumble123

PrtScn · 23/10/2019 18:32

No wonder there are so many fat kids about if parents don’t even make their kids walk a poxy mile home on a safe route in broad daylight.

Teateaandmoretea · 23/10/2019 18:34

WTF is wrong with people? It's not safe out there! Do you not care for the welfare of your children?! at ALL?!

Yep, they just risk assess differently - a lazy arse who can't walk a mile will have poorer long term health. Plus we are saving the planet for the next generation. I live 1.5 miles away from the station, I am literally the only person who lives by me and walks it ever. The reliance on cars is just utterly baffling to me. Sometimes due to traffic it's even quicker to walk! Hmm

Your idea of cf is strange also, I'd think the others were cf for putting pressure on me to collect a teenager who is perfectly capable of walking.

Yanbu at all OP, the world has gone crazy, as can be evidenced by this thread.

Teateaandmoretea · 23/10/2019 18:37

No wonder there are so many fat kids about if parents don’t even make their kids walk a poxy mile home on a safe route in broad daylight.

^^well quite. But then even worse they see it as a badge of honour about how much more caring they are. You honestly couldn't make this shit up

Chathamhouserules · 23/10/2019 18:40

Children of 13 should be walking one mile when it's still light and not raining. It's not kind to be always giving them lifts because it's bad for them and bad for the environment. Has no one noticed the obesity and climate crisis we are in?
It should just be a given that walking that distance is the norm for a fit and healthy person.
Yanbu.

user68901 · 23/10/2019 18:41

funny how kids don't give a stuff about extinction rebellion when they can't be arsed to walk. Well done OP for getting her to walk home.

mumwalk · 23/10/2019 18:55

Why don't you set her a good example and walk round to collect her?

tolerable · 23/10/2019 19:04

could always walk along n meet her halfway?

DisneyMadeMeDoIt · 23/10/2019 19:09

I think the issue here is the feeling of responsibility on the friends parents part.
A 13 year old girl IS vulnerable - in the grand scheme of things.

If it were me (friends mum) I would probably drop her back too as wouldn’t want to be explaining on a true crime documentary how she left our house but never made it home!
(I know it’s unlikely/rare but Is it ever worth the risk?)

I’m not a ‘kids can’t be kids’ person, if DD was walking with a friend/others I would have no issue what so ever! Also, not being funny but isn’t it a little ironic that you expect her to walk a mile, because you Cba to drive a mile?

I know many adults who wouldn’t opt to walk - MANY!

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/10/2019 19:23

If the daughter was still waiting to be collected 24 hours later, then I think there would be a problem....

jwpetal · 23/10/2019 19:23

YANBU, I would do the same as long as it is not dark and safe. As for the other parents, you could speak to them. Thank them and set boundaries so that they don't think 1. you are taking advantage of them 2. they understand your thinking. If they still drop her off, that is their call, but at least you have opened the lines of communication.