To not go and pick up daughter

[Twix42]

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

That’s just shitty to be honest!

The OP could have been there and back by now ......

Honestly from all the comments about how a 13 year old girl is at risk walking 20 minutes in broad daylight, I am amazed nobody has piped up about how the OP is being negligent for even letting her child leave the padded room a teenager clearly needs to be kept in for their own protection... yes horrible things do happen, and it is a bloody horrific tragedy when they do, but a 13 year old needs to learn how to navigate the world within reasonable bounds, and a 1 mile walk during daylight hours is certainly within that category.

Think about the psychology behind it
It’s not about the lift really!

@chrisie16 Terrible, tragic situations both, but we remember them as they are so astonishingly rare, fortunately. Unlike people who are killed in car accidents.
You risk assess everything in life (sub consciously, mostly), and you can't prevent teens from ever walking anywhere, ever, because of an awful, but statistically incredibly unusual event that has happened in history.

I bet a lot of those who would drive a mile to collect the child are fatter than they would like to be.

Apart from the fact mine wouldn't ask, I would do it. I'm so fat too! 28" waist and 6'1" tall, god I'm a bloater!!

Isittho, any 13yo is at risk from the way we are wrecking this planet. If the young generation do not learn from us how to be more careful they are in big, big trouble. As for those worrying about psychology, it only becomes a psychological problem if the child has internalised that walking a short distance is a big deal. To those brought up more sensibly, being expected to walk a mile won't seem any more outrageous than being expected to tidy your room - of course they still moan at times, and of course mummy could be doing that for them, but there is no real reason.

Do not feel guilted into giving a lift. I made this point with my kids by the time they were in their teens. They have agency to decide to go to a friend's house, they have agency to get themselves home in time for tea or whatever.

1 it's healthier to walk and better for the environment
2. They learn not to take parents for granted

1. They start to take responsibility for themselves (my daughter had 16 year old friends who had never been on public transport - and we live in a large city so there's no excuse).

It's very wierd to think just because a parent is free they should jump when their offspring calls in every circumstance, and it does not bode well for independent responsible adults. Stick to your guns 😉

@chrisie16 Those cases were indeed tragic but only highlight that these things can do happen on your doorstep and walking a mile doesn't necessarily put you more at risk.

You really can't keep your children by your side forever.

Does anyone remember Holly and Jessica? Ian Huntley? They lived minutes, literally, away. Even 10 years later, we're still reeling from the senseless murder of these two girls. Just go and collect her, for heaven's sake.

For every Holly and Jessica there are thousands of girls of a similar age walking home from school or their friends' houses perfectly safely every day.

Given that OP posted on Tuesday, does anyone really think she was still dithering about this on Thursday?

PhilCornwall1

bet a lot of those who would drive a mile to collect the child are fatter than they would like to be

The weird thing here is I would drive a mile to pick up one of mine but I walk miles with the dog during the day and they do lots of exercise with clubs/hobbies. So no “fatties” in this house

@NoSauce

Same in this house too. All in good shape and very active.

I wonder how many of these teens that can’t walk a mile in daylight and need picking up in a car, took the day off for the Extinction Rebellion strikes 🤔

@JosieJasper if they did that, they wouldn't have walked very far. They would have glued themselves to the closest inanimate object.

You cannot never let a 13 year old out alone in case some maniac gets them. That is not remotely healthy.

What about all the children who have been killed in car crashes?

So people really never let their teenagers out of the house without a parent? What's the appropriate age the young person is allowed to spend 15 minutes alone outside of home? 13 is clearly too dangerous, is 15 OK? 17? Will you follow them to university and walk to classes, because remember Brock Turner?

I don't think the issue is whether or not a 13 year old can be outside for 15 minutes alone, but rather if you should force your 13 year old to do so when they don't feel comfortable doing it. Maybe they aren't ready yet, maybe they are worried about something (strangers, cat calls, bullies from school etc.), Maybe they just want some alone time with their mother. If it's just laziness that's a different matter, but at 13 I doubt that is the case.

Does anyone remember Holly and Jessica? Ian Huntley? They lived minutes, literally, away. Even 10 years later, we're still reeling from the senseless murder of these two girls. Just go and collect her, for heaven's sake

For every Holly and Jessica there are thousands of girls of a similar age walking home from school or their friends' houses perfectly safely every day

Given that OP posted on Tuesday, does anyone really think she was still dithering about this on Thursday?

I mean....Holly and Jessica were ten. Sara Payne was 8. But Suzy Lamplugh was 25. We can’t just not allow our children out alone ever just in case.

Btw I’m a fat bastard and I wouldn’t pick her up. Need that time to sit on my arse eating biscuits

If it's just laziness that's a different matter, but at 13 I doubt that is the case.

According to OP, this was ecactly the case. She probably knows her daugther better than us.

What happened to Holly and Jessica was horrible,really distressing but you can't live your live fearing what if. By that same assumption you'd never take your child to a shopping centre and he was with his mum!
Sad fact is there are some horrible people around but we've got to give our children independence some time.

Some crazy posts on here! I wouldn't strap my other 3 in to go and get my eldest in the car ONE MILE AWAY! And she would never ask! The kids (and adults, actually) here walk everywhere-a mile isn't considered a long distance to walk. That's quite literally mind boggling to me.

I realise it's too late now but I think you did the right thing.

If the OP had posted "AIBU to insist on giving DD (aged 13) a lift home even though it's only a mile in broad daylight? She says it's embarrassing being picked up by her mum but I'd never forgive myself if anything happened" , she'd have 100 per cent of AIBU telling her to get a fucking grip before her issues ruined her DD's life. The basic risk assessment doesn't change because the DD asked for a lift.

Does anyone remember Holly and Jessica? Ian Huntley? They lived minutes, literally, away. Even 10 years later, we're still reeling from the senseless murder of these two girls.

Does anyone remember all the children who have been killed in car crashes in their parents' cars? No, it's such a common occurrence that it won't even reach the national news at the time, let alone be remembered 10 years later.

For the record it wasn't 10 years ago, it was 4th August 2002. So 17 years ago, just goes to show how rare this type of crime is. Horrific yes, but in reality you are more likely to die by tangling yourself up in your quilt in bed.