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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and pick up daughter

318 replies

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 17:39

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

OP posts:
OpheliaBee · 22/10/2019 18:20

I agree with those who have said that environmentally a two mile journey for no good reason is pretty poor. She won’t die from a 25 minute walk.

OpheliaBee · 22/10/2019 18:20

Sorry, 25 minute walk unless she’s very slow? 😂

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 18:21

@Twix42

It's almost dark, stop being a tight-arse, go and get her. Either drive or walk it!

It's a MILE, it's cold, it's nearly dark, and you're a CF for saying 'her mate's parents will bring her home anyway.' I had a bellyful of parents like you when mine were young, taking the piss.

Couldn't be arsed with their own kids half the time, too lazy to pick them up, and because WE cared about their kids more than THEY did, we ended up being taken for a mug, looking after them 2 to 3 times longer than originally planned, and then driving or walking them home, because their parents couldn't be arsed! I swear me and DH cared about the welfare of some of the kids our DC knew (when they were school-age,) than their parents did!!! Hmm

Don't be THAT parent. Look after your own child, and her welfare! Stop taking the piss and saying 'the other kids parent will bring her as they're a soft touch.' That's just cheeky as fuck, and is making you sound entitled, (as well as sounding like you're not too bothered about your daughter's welfare.)

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2019 18:21

Well the fact she won't die isn't really relevant. I mean seriously, is that the parenting bar, will it kill them?

Sometimes it's nice to do things for our kids.

One day we may need them to do things for us.

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:22

No, @ShowYourselfLucifer, that isn't what I said. Try reading the post properly.

Aderyn19 · 22/10/2019 18:22

If you know the other parents will do it, then you should. It's hard to not feel responsible for seeing kids home safely if they're at your house all day. To sit back and let the other parents do it is CF territory to me.

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:23

Why be so mean, beveran, if the op doesn't wish to collect her then it's up to the girl to either walk or accept an offer of a lift. No need for deep deep trouble.

Yes, there is, because she would be putting her friend's mother to unnecessary trouble just because she can't be bothered to walk.

ShowYourselfLucifer · 22/10/2019 18:24

@Beveren I know it isn't what you said.

Which is why I asked you if she'd still be 'deep, deep trouble...' if they offered.

helpmum2003 · 22/10/2019 18:24

I would expect my 13yo to walk: independence/environment/exercise

Greysparkles · 22/10/2019 18:24

I think some posters seem to think a mile is much further than it actually is.

It's a 15 minute walk!!! Wouldn't even cross my mind to pick them up unless there were some extreme circumstances!

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:25

It's almost dark, stop being a tight-arse, go and get her

It wasn't when OP posted. The kid has almost certainly been at home for at least half an hour.

Aderyn19 · 22/10/2019 18:25

I'd get mine. I think that's what you should do for your kids. It will take you minutes and save your child a walk home when it's cold and starting to get dark

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:26

Obviously not, @ShowYourselfLucifer, as it's not what I said.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2019 18:26

Well beveran, you clearly parent differently to most.

Highly punitive.

Ragwort · 22/10/2019 18:26

Yes I probably would pick up my child, I would hate to think the other parent might feel obliged to bring her home, agree it’s nearly dark, its quite cold and it’s just a kind thing to do .... maybe another time make it clear that she must be home much earlier, before it is getting dark.

rain, quite agree with you, we would be offering endless ‘taxi’ services to young teens from parties, many of whom seemed to have no clue as to how they were meant to be getting home. .

BlueBirdGreenFence · 22/10/2019 18:28

This is one of those small things that I look back on and use as a comparison as to how some other parents were more thoughtful and caring towards their kids.

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:28

Sometimes it's nice to do things for our kids.

One day we may need them to do things for us.

I'm sure OP has been doing things for her kids since the day they were born. I suspect the tea she was making at the time she posted was for her daughter. My mother never used to give me lifts when I wanted to go out, now she's in her 80s I'm not holding it against her when she needs my help.

FrancisCrawford · 22/10/2019 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lunafortheloveogod · 22/10/2019 18:29

I got my mum to come get me at 14 it was a mile n a half to home. She did, moaned the entire way, later found out that the route home had a gang of arsehole bully teens who would’ve inevitably tried to chase/beat the crap out of me.. does it really hurt to nip over or have her get a lift home.

Beveren · 22/10/2019 18:29

I doubt it, Bluntness, looking at these responses.

Spied · 22/10/2019 18:34

Your DD has spent the day with her friend and is in her friend's home. You are happy to allow her to accept their hospitality. The very least you can do is go and pick her up.
Especially as you know they will go out of their way to drop her home.They will likely feel responsible should anything happen and they didn't give her a lift- which is why they will.
I bet they will soon start telling friend your DD is not allowed over anymore.

Original poster
Twix42 · 22/10/2019 18:36

rainingallday you are absolutely hilarious Grin
Said dd has been home for ages now. She was a little chilly after the walk home, not in the dark or rain. She benefitted from the exercise, and is now sitting to a wonderful homemade home cooked dinner Smile
Her friend's parents did not bring her home this time.. Maybe they couldnt be arsed
I ain't no CF, I Love that you presume so much about me. Grin

OP posts:
Oysterbabe · 22/10/2019 18:41

A mile? Pfft, no chance. I'd be telling her to use her legs.

Lowlandlucky · 22/10/2019 18:41

Let her walk and phone the other Parents and tell them not to give her a lift

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 22/10/2019 18:42

I wouldn't (and I don't).

And people wonder why our young people are having such problems with their mental health! We do them no favours by doing everything for them ... have we not cottoned on to this simple fact yet?