Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and pick up daughter

318 replies

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 17:39

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

OP posts:
Isittho · 23/10/2019 19:40

This thread made me sad. I would never leave my child at risk when I could be with her.
And to imply it's because she'll get fat?!

What a world.

JaneEB · 23/10/2019 19:53

When my son was two he regularly walked two miles into town and two miles back. Both my kids are now adults that think nothing of walking two or three miles. If it is a safe route she should walk.

JaneEB · 23/10/2019 19:55

Oh, and just in case anyone wonders, I obviously walked with him at that age!

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 19:56

@Isittho do you let your child go up and down stairs unaided? Walk to school alone? Use a knife in cookery class at school? Spend time with members of your family? Go on car journeys?

Babysharkisanearworm · 23/10/2019 19:58

I would tell her I will be there in 15 minutes and then walk.

Teateaandmoretea · 23/10/2019 20:05

I know it’s unlikely/rare but Is it ever worth the risk?

There is also a risk of you crashing your car.....

Teateaandmoretea · 23/10/2019 20:06

Oh, and just in case anyone wonders, I obviously walked with him at that age!

I have to confess I did read your post twice 😂

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 20:12

I would rather go pick my 13 year old up, than leave her to walk home alone tbh.

Drogosnextwife · 23/10/2019 20:13

I got the shit kicked out of me by a 19 year old who was out her face at age 13. She nearly bottled me. Only a lady coming out her front door made her stop.

Isittho · 23/10/2019 20:14

@ActualHornist

No - I carry her
No - I would take her
I would hope 'Domestic Science' would be out of fashion.
Only ones I trust implicitly
Only short ones

Beyond my sarcastic answers...
I feel that as a parent, it is my job to mitigate risk for my child. A 13 year old girl walking alone , day or night, summer or winter, is at risk.

I was a 13 year old once and it's not all sunshine and rainbows.

Maybe other parents feel differently, fair enough, but she's asked whether she was being unreasonable and I think she is.

Nothing stopping the OP, getting off her bum and walking to meet her.

That would be a fair compromise but the child clearly got her laziness from somewhere!

Rosebel · 23/10/2019 20:18

She is 13 not 3! My children walk further than that to school and they hardly ever ask for a lift. Pretty much everywhere they go they walk or occasionally get the bus. It's no wonder so many teenagers are growing up with a spoilt entitled attitude. It's a mile, that's no distance at all!

TrishTeres · 23/10/2019 20:21

I would definitely allow her to experience the wonderful therapeutic health enhancing joy of walking to one's destination rather than depending on motorised transportation. I used to walk a mile every school day at that age. I was also allowed to keep the keep the bus fare which was my orogonal motive. But I learned to enjoy a walk. I am amazed how friends take the bus/uber for short journeys.

ActualHornist · 23/10/2019 20:31

@Isittho oh hahaha good one Hmm I used those specific examples because falling down the stairs is one of the highest risks of injury at home. More children are abused by a family member than a stranger. You might want to reassess your risk criteria for future assessments (or don’t, I don’t care).

I was also a 13 year old once. However I was a 20 year old when I was raped, and a 23 year old when I was involved in a (minor) collision with a car. I was trusted however to make short walks on my own (including to school and back) from the age of 11.

Of course OP could have walked with her. The only thing stopping her being the fact her child wanted a lift not a chaperone. And OP was pottering about getting dinner ready.

StroppyWoman · 23/10/2019 20:41

At 13 and at 5:30 I would (and do!) expect my daughter to walk home just a mile. It's 20-25 minutes tops.

Zeldasmagicwand · 23/10/2019 20:53

I feel sorry for Rainingallday who must live in a really really rough area that her teenage kids couldn't walk a mile on their own after 5pm.** Confused

My parents didn't drive so I've always walked everywhere on my own from the age of about 8. That's how you learn to be streetwise and to be aware of your surroundings and who's hanging around nearby.

manicmij · 23/10/2019 21:30

YANBU in the least. A 13 year old should be able to do a mile walk without a second thought. Good for you, a lot more should take your lead and get teenagers especially, to be a but more mobile and independent.

Isittho · 23/10/2019 21:35

@ActualHornist

I determine that I accuractely safeguard my children appropriately.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences (sincerely).

My thought would be, better safe than sorry I'll get her. But if I wanted to point out her laziness and not indulge it, I'd have walked to meet her.

It's just my parenting style.

Hanbidd · 23/10/2019 22:38

Pick up for baby girl!
Twix, think about this, sometimes a girl just needs her mum.

Juliehooligan · 23/10/2019 23:53

We would pick up our daughter if she asked (either me on foot, or her dad driving) to make sure she was safe.

BackforGood · 24/10/2019 00:07

I feel that as a parent, it is my job to mitigate risk for my child. A 13 year old girl walking alone , day or night, summer or winter, is at risk.

From what ? Confused

My dds used to walk further than that to and home from school each day.
A 13 yr old who isn't ever allowed to walk anywhere unaccompanied is going to grow into a FAR more 'at risk' person, than a teen who has gradually been allowed a growing amount of independence as they learn to risk assess the world for themselves, IMVHO.
That's before we get to the poor habits for an unhealthy lifestyle of never walking for short journeys and contributing to the pollution by always using cars for short journeys

Rachie1973 · 24/10/2019 00:13

Jeez. My kids wouldn’t have asked, they’d already know the answer lol

Firm no on a mile on a safe route. It wouldn’t concern me if it were wet or cold either. I expect a 13 year old to know how to dress appropriately for the weather.

MartiniDry · 24/10/2019 00:17

rainingallfay, you're not acquitting yourself well.

A 13-year-old who is on willing to walk a mile, which is nothing to the average able-bodied healthy person, is the cheeky fucker.
If you're so facetious towards the OP I wonder what opinion you have about parents who don't drive/have a car.

To the people who are saying that for safety reasons the OP should walk to collect her daughter I can argue that at around that age my daughter was the same height as me and was able to run a heck of a lot faster and for a heck of a lot longer than me should the need arise. Out of the two of us the one who would need accompaniment for safety reasons was me rather than her.

TimeForNewStart · 24/10/2019 00:28

I bet a lot of those who would drive a mile to collect the child are fatter than they would like to be.

chrisie16 · 24/10/2019 01:09

Does anyone remember Holly and Jessica? Ian Huntley? They lived minutes, literally, away. Even 10 years later, we're still reeling from the senseless murder of these two girls. Just go and collect her, for heaven's sake. If anything awful happened, you'd never forgive yourself. Remember Sarah Payne? Playing, with her two brothers, outside her grandparents house? And then she wasn't. Two minutes away. Another broken family. Please, just go and collect her.

chrisie16 · 24/10/2019 01:10

Someone piss on your cornflakes this morning?

This.