To not go and pick up daughter

[Twix42]

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

So did you not let them out by themselves at any point ever before they reached 18? If you did - how could you possibly have taken such a risk? Think of what might have happened...

To be honest I'm mystified as to how it's even possible to be as apparently overprotective as some on here are claiming. I mean, my dd is in yr7 and every single child in her year walks or (shock horror) cycles to school independently, and have done so since at some point in yr 6. Kids still collected or driven around by mummy or daddy would be laughing stocks. Kids over 10 living in safe areas who are not allowed to be out alone are in a vanishingly tiny minority. That ought to indicate something about how skewed some of the risk perception on this thread is.

My dc did loads on their own when they went to school in London or when they were in a shopping centre but I would not let her walk down a suburban residential street with no cctv and no people around

Coming home from school aside, I never let any of my children, even the boys, walk on their own once it was dark. My two daughters both had experiences of being hassled by men, when they walked home from school, at 4pm. Later than that was a no no. It’s not worth the risk. My children are all in their thirties now, bar my youngest at 29. They’re all incredibly independent with good careers and families of their own. I, on the other hand, hardly ever got lifts, was expected to walk most of the time, and hate to say I’m not very good at doing things on my own. Mainly, I think, because I did experience things going wrong to a degree. She’s only 13, and so vulnerable. I know how the friend’s parents feel. We often felt bad if we left our children’s friends to their own devices, and those people ended up being the most clingy. Don’t assume you’re making them independent, it often has the opposite affect.

endlessstrife Did you even read the thread? It wasn't dark.

Twix42 it was 17.39 when the thread was posted, the daughter was still at the friend’s house, hadn’t left yet. Even before the clocks went back, it was getting dark by then, certainly outside my window! It would have got darker on her walk home. Does that answer your question?

endlessstrife
I am the OP. And if you had bothered to read any of my follow up posts you would have read that I said we live Faaar up north UK where it is considerably lighter in the evenings (pre clocks change)
Also if there had been any "danger" of course I would have got her..

These threads make me laugh.

OP - am I being unreasonable?
Other posters - yes
OP - no I’m not

Dorset you havent read the thread very carefully! There are plenty of posters agreeing with the OP.

I read the thread at around 6 pm on the day it was posted, and even in the South it was light enough for someone to walk home easily.

Sorry twin 42, I still maintain there is an equal danger whether dark or light. As I said before, my daughters were hassled in broad daylight coming home from school at 4pm. It’s not worth the risk.

Endless so what age do you allow your kids out alone in the daytime? 18?!!! But you are correct that it's ludicrous to be judgy about someone else's choice to allow their child out alone down a suburban street rather than an urban one, or after school or slightly later, or whatever. There are ridiculously marginal differences in risk between the two, and dangers regardless. The fact stands that we have to allow our kids to take calculated risks in order to grow to independent adulthood. It's not optional - those who are being so high and mighty on this thread are doing it too, assuming that they don't keep their kids locked in a duvet until 18. It's magical thinking to think we can get rid of all risk.

frog soup... the answers are in my first thread🤗

Actually I did, I was hoping you'd see the contradictions in your position by answering me You say 'coming home from school aside' you didn't let your kids out alone in the dark, but then you say that there's an equal danger whether it's light or dark. So you do let your kids out alone, but not in the dark, except if it's coming home from school, but actually they get hassled in daylight anyway so it's all equally as bad!!!! Like I said - it is risky for our kids out there, but short of keeping them locked up until 18, we have to cross our fingers and let them gain independence it in age appropriate ways. Which is what OP is doing, just like the rest of us. I am agog that anyone could lay into the OP for allowing her daughter to walk home at 6 through what op has determined is a safe area, while all the while allowing their own children to do essentially identical journeys, that vary only in trivial details. It's bizarre cognitive dissonance!

Sorry, I meant 'actually I did read your posts'

I can't drive so mine walk or get the bus if they are out. A mile is Nothing, I wouldn't have phoned my mum to pick me up at that age over a mile in good weather

Frog. Yes I definitely did read the thread thanks, you’ll note in my previous post I said ‘other’ posters, not ‘all’ posters.

The OP can’t just dismiss every poster who doesn’t agree with them otherwise why bother posting asking for opinions.

I wouldn't rearrange my life to give lifts whenever asked BUT I still remember my dad always being willing to drive me and friends places and collect me too. That time in the car was actually some of the best time we spent together during my teenage years. It somehow felt less pressured and being happy to be driven home made me less of a grumpy teenager. He also got to know my mates a bit better as he was privvy to our conversations.

All the OP needs to do in the future is talk it through with her daughter and any other children. Eg, if you are going out at x age to an area I know is reasonably safe and it's light/not raining then expect to walk back. Let me know when you're setting off.

I'd be much more concerned for all the older teenagers learning to drive.

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