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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go and pick up daughter

318 replies

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 17:39

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

OP posts:
NobdieTheNob · 22/10/2019 21:35

I also wouldn’t want my dd walking a mile by herself

Why on Earth not, MamaGee09? It's not exactly climbing Everest, is it?

I despair, really.

Ragwort · 22/10/2019 21:36

I think as parents we all ‘pick our battles’ about what we consider is important - personally giving a child a lift does not worry me, but there are plenty of things that other parents do that I consider totally indulgent and unnecessary.

ashtrayheart · 22/10/2019 21:36

This reply has been deleted

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Isitnearlyweekend · 22/10/2019 21:49

Wow you are being so mean. Of course you should go and get her. Years of working in safeguarding has made me probably over cautious. Also my parents did fuck all for me ever so I swore I’d never be like that as a parent.

Drabarni · 22/10/2019 21:54

Ditto to ashtrayheart
How will these kids function as adults? scary.

Dorsetdays · 22/10/2019 22:12

Drabarni. You do know there’s way more that shapes an adult than whether they got the occasional lift home or not?

Clearly you can’t pick them up every time but if you’re around on the odd occasion and it’s not a massive inconvenience I think it’s far more weird that you’d demand they walk just to make some sort of point.

Even more weird that some posters actually advocate punishing their DC if they accepted the offer of a lift.

kateandme · 23/10/2019 01:51

rainingallday *Did you seriously just say you SPAT your tea over the keyboard?

PMSL how cringeworthy!I'm actually embarrassed for you.* why?really dont be. she made me laugh.are u just determind to have a go at everyone who posts

caringcarer · 23/10/2019 02:25

I would fetch her. A girl I was at school with was raped by a person when she was walking about a mile home from a friends house one evening through a park. This was at tea time. They attacked her from behind and dragged her into bush and repeatedly punched her. Don't take the risk.

CarolDanvers · 23/10/2019 04:09

I was irritated by your putting quotes around the word 'adult'. It seems potentially passive aggressive and when people are passive aggressive I believe it's OK to ask them to make their point directly as that's when real conversation can happen

Hmm, yes. I could see you were becoming agitated. I'm not sure how I wasn't making my point directly tbh. I am not sure how much clearer I could have been. I'm afraid I won't apologise for using quotation marks in spite of your clear upset at being challenged; they're a perfectly common use of punctuation after all and your focus on it and need to demand some kind of explanation for me using them is baffling tbh. Might I suggest a quick google if you are unclear as to why they might be being used? Smile

Durgasarrow · 23/10/2019 05:25

I love the idea of walking to collect her.

GinGym · 23/10/2019 05:48

If you are not busy and can go and get her why wouldn't you?

Pukkatea · 23/10/2019 07:19

No wonder kids are obese and the planet is dying when all these mums are driving a mile to pick up their kids.

Yestermo · 23/10/2019 07:24

Fuck me. I wonder why we have an obesity crisis? It's such a mystery.

73Sunglasslover · 23/10/2019 07:25

Hmm, yes. I could see you were becoming agitated. I'm not sure how I wasn't making my point directly tbh. I am not sure how much clearer I could have been. I'm afraid I won't apologise for using quotation marks in spite of your clear upset at being challenged; they're a perfectly common use of punctuation after all and your focus on it and need to demand some kind of explanation for me using them is baffling tbh. Might I suggest a quick google if you are unclear as to why they might be being used?

OK, so you were meaning to be passive aggressive. Thanks for clarifying and lets stop talking now as I prefer to communicate with more 'adult' people.

Nighttimefreedom · 23/10/2019 07:32

A mile is a 20 minute walk. I know this is all over now and she's home but many young people are into extinction rebellion and saving the planet. I'd point this out, it's really not a long way to walk at all.
Mine has a 45 min walk to school each day.

HerbalEssences · 23/10/2019 08:37

I don't have a 13 year old yet, but I can remember being 13. At that age I would never have asked my mum to pick me up, especially not if it was only a mile walk. However, if I had, there would have been more going on than I was either letting on, or I felt insecure about something. If this is not the case with your DD, you are lucky she still wants you to get her, even if it is just a mile.

Lowlandlucky · 23/10/2019 08:38

CaringCarer In that case we must never let our children out of our sight ever, my DD is in her 30s at which point was i supposed to turn her loose ? Maybe i should have wrapped her in cotton wool until her 18th birthday then turned her out into the big wide world without he havibg had any experience ! Learning is a gradual process

penisbeakers · 23/10/2019 08:48

I'd tell her to walk.

ogs2003 · 23/10/2019 08:51

I would always go. Far rather make sure my kids were home safely tbh.

Dorsetdays · 23/10/2019 08:59

Lowland. At 30 you’re usually driving so have more choice over whether you choose to walk or not. You also have more income than a 13 year old so again more choice over using public transport etc. And more options in terms of ringing an adult friend or partner who drives to cadge a lift so much less likely to need to rely on your parents?

I don’t have stats on this but I would imagine that if someone was going to prey on a single female walking alone at that time of the day it’s more likely they would seek out a young vulnerable schoolchild than an independent grown adult so would expect any risk (however small) to potentially be higher.

You can easily teach your DC independence AND still give them an occasional lift home you know. It’s not the end of society as we know it!

PettyContractor · 23/10/2019 09:45

If I were to fetch DD from a mile away, by car, it would take more than 20 minutes out of my day. (For various boring reasons, not because my car is very very slow.) Taking 20 minutes out of my day to knock some time off a 20 minute walk seems like an unreasonable equation, if everything else were equal.

PettyContractor · 23/10/2019 09:47

Put it this way: fetch by car, 30 human-minutes expended, 20 for me and say 10 for her. Walking, only 20 minutes for her. Walking is better by 10 minutes.

twosoups1972 · 23/10/2019 14:30

No wonder kids are obese and the planet is dying when all these mums are driving a mile to pick up their kids

Do we know how the OP's dd gets to school? No. For all we know, she could be walking a mile there and back every day.

A lot of hysteria on here. You can't talk about the obesity crisis or lazy incompetent teenagers based on ONE event.

And I bet most of those who cite environmental reasons are car drivers and have the OPTION of driving.

twosoups1972 · 23/10/2019 14:31

You can easily teach your DC independence AND still give them an occasional lift home you know

Exactly! A one-off lift is neither here nor there as long as they're getting plenty of exercise overall.

Kaykay06 · 23/10/2019 14:35

I’d have had her walk, my eldest son has 3 younger siblings so picking him up wasn’t always an option if babies were asleep etc but he lived close (1-2miles) and cycled loads and was very fit and attractive. But if the weather was awful or there was some sort of issue of course I’d go. But just because he couldn’t be bothered, no why get them into a habit of being lazy.
My boy is 18 now, and he’s always known if he needs me I’d be there, even now.