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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go and pick up daughter

318 replies

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 17:39

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

OP posts:

Beautiful3 · 22/10/2019 19:36

Maybe walk there to collect her and watch her face drop, when she realises that she has to walk home!!!

StreetwiseHercules · 22/10/2019 19:37

Rainingallday has monumentally misinterpreted the OP and should be embarrassed.

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 19:38

I absolutely try and encourage some independence in my 14 year old. It's so important. We should be preparing them for adult life and helping them spread their wings surely? I have a similar situation when mine wants to go into our local town. They could easily catch a bus but friends parents always want to drive them. I can't refuse to drive or the friend's parents would be taxi-ing them every time but it frustrates me that this opportunity to do a small local journey on the bus and learn a bit of independence from that is being missed.

Out of my early adult nieces and nephews the ones who were taxi-ed and indulged are struggling with adult life far more than the ones whose parents had them learning to cook and catching trains/buses from a youngish age. I know which parenting style I want to follow - I want them to be like their cousins who have felt able to travel the world from age 18 and not like their cousins who can't even get a bus to their local city successfully at the same age.

stucknoue · 22/10/2019 19:41

A mile no, they walk unless it's particularly bad weather (torrential) or late evening by special arrangement - my attitude is that if they are old enough to be out without me arranging it, they are old enough to get home. I live in a safe area admittedly and are a bit older now but I stopped the constant picking up by 12

Aprillygirl · 22/10/2019 19:42

A mile is nothing. YANBU.

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/10/2019 19:43

I wouldn't have, Dd walked to school further than that, with loads of other kids, if she chose to go to a mates house a mile away then what's the difference?
Her legs work perfectly well.
At 18 she now gets herself round a big city on foot/public transport.
If other parents choose to drive her, that's their choice.

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:43

@StreetwiseHercules

ODFOD.

I have not misinterpreted anything. It's pretty clear what the OP said, and others can see it too. She didn't want to go fetch her daughter, and knows that her mate's parents are a soft touch and will offer to bring her anyway. YOU are the one who should be embarrassed dear..

popsadaisy · 22/10/2019 19:44

It's getting dark where I live around 5.45 so yes I do think YABU but I do tend to think of the worst thing happening and maybe perhaps live on the cautious side!

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 19:45

I think you've misinterpreted it too rain. Not only misinterpreted it but taken your misinterpretation and ran with it and made up a whole scenario where the op doesn't even feed her kids properly. Which is a bit bonkers really.

myself2020 · 22/10/2019 19:47

no wonder there is an obesity epidemic if kids don’t even walk a mile but get collected by car....

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:48

@StreetwiseHercules

I have not misinterpreted ANYthing dear. It's clear what the OP meant; she couldn't be arsed to pick her 13 y.o. daughter up, and it's OK coz her mate's parents are a soft touch and will fetch her anyway.

YOU are the one who should be embarrassed if you can't see that! AND the OP should, with her pitiful defensive posts since her OP, trying to convince us all she is actually mother of the year, and mocking anyone who is challenging her.

kateandme · 22/10/2019 19:48

Bluntness100 thanks for that! i just spat tea all over my screen.brilliant.
and i now am going to be using that in this household every day forever. :D

1Morewineplease · 22/10/2019 19:50

Just go and pick her up.

Original poster

Twix42 · 22/10/2019 19:50

Rainingallday

As I said in my OP, I don't expect Friend's parents to bring her home. They have just done so a couple of times.
I do object to your ranting at me though. Sounds like you have been taken for a mug many times by other parents.
Poor you

Feel less bitter soon...

OP posts:

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:51

@foamrolling

You can't make shit up to suit your agenda.

I never said the OP doesn't feed her DD, I said I don't buy it that she has loving cooked a massive 'cooked from scratch' home cooked meal for her DD, when she couldn't be arsed to fetch her from her friend's house.

And you accuse ME of making stuff up LOL

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:51

*lovingly cooked

pictish · 22/10/2019 19:52

Agreed.
Raining listen here - some of us wish for our kids to be active and independent. We don’t want you to give our kid a lift because we can be arsed. We walk short distances, such as a mile, and we expect our kids to do the same.
Now I know you’re struggling to process the concept of actually preferring to walk over sitting on your arse...but it’s true. It’s not cheeky fuckery...it’s politely paying no heed to other people’s daft indulgences.

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:53

@kateandme

Did you seriously just say you SPAT your tea over the keyboard?

PMSL how cringeworthy! I'm actually embarrassed for you.

pictish · 22/10/2019 19:53

Which are theirs to make of course. Up to them. Like I said.

NearlyGranny · 22/10/2019 19:54

Next time, say you'll come for her in 10 minutes, then when you turn up and she looks around for the car, break it to her that you're walking home together.

She'll probably enjoy it!

foamrolling · 22/10/2019 19:55

Why are you so angry?

This has really triggered you somehow hasn't it? Perhaps you'd be best hiding this thread. It's a pretty inocuous one to get so angry about.

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:55

@pictish you don't have to pick them up in the CAR, you can walk to them, and walk back with them.

Ya know, instead of putting their safety and welfare in jeopardy by expecting them to walk alone in the evening, (because you can't be arsed, and you expect others to parent your child!)

rainingallday · 22/10/2019 19:56

I will post on here as much as i want, thanks all the same @foamrolling !!! Who made you the forum police?

Veterinari · 22/10/2019 19:58

@rainingallday
You sound like the worst case of judgemental martyr.

Are you seriously criticising the OP’s parenting skills and suggesting that you care for other people’s Children more than their actual parents simply because you insist on infantilising them. How about you just let other people parent their own kids. Pretty sure no one has asked you to inconvenience yourself so much!

pictish · 22/10/2019 19:59

Don’t be silly. 13 is plenty old enough to walk home alone at teatime. And later for that matter. Pull yourself together.

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