To not go and pick up daughter

[Twix42]

DD age 13 is at a friend's house. Has been with her all day. She just messaged me to ask if I could come and pick her up. Friend lives roughly 1 mile away, if that. It's not raining or dark outside and it's a safe route home. I told her to walk back home herself she'salazyarse
Needless to say her friend's parent will probably bring her home anyway as they are a soft touch and will feel sorry for her.
It's really not that far away, but aibu to not go and collect her?
Btw I am not expecting said friend's parent to bring her home, they just do it....

@caroldanvers - and that proves everything.

I’d definitely pick her up if she was mine.
She’s 13, in 4 years time once she starts driving you’ll hardly see her or spend any time with her.
I always pick up, gives a chance to spend time one on one (not always but often) with not much scope for teenage strops.

73Sunglasses. You seem irritated that I queried your post. There's really no need to be. I just read a lot on here about fostering independence and raising self sufficient adults. Yet quite often there seem to be quite harsh expectations of our teens and preteens that we as adults wouldn't countenance for ourselves. I personally don't agree that lifts at age 12/13 are particularly related to future independence and adulthood, even after reading your posts and I hope we can just agree to disagree on that.

rainingallday - if the other parents are daft enough give a perfectly able-bodied child a lift for a mile, more fool them. It wouldn’t shame me into picking her up. I’d expect her to walk.

Some people think a mile is far...those are not my people.

and that proves everything

Indeed. And neither did your claim.

Get her but walk... safety and all that.

There'll be a day she doesn't want you too!

I would go

@pictish

ANOTHER one of THOSE parents.

I'f other parents are daft enough to give a child lifts.'

AKA, 'I cannot be arsed to get my own kids, and I know some soft sod will bring them anyway.'

CFs of the highest order!

Less than a mile! In the circumstances you describe YWNBU at all. I think it's pretty poor parenting to give lifts much of the time in situations like this. People tend to be far too sedentary and inculcating that habit is no better than encouraging smoking or poor eating habits. And I'd probably have told the friend's parents (nicely) that I'd prefer they didn't automatically give her a ride home if they had brought her back.

One of the reasons that the other parents want to bring her home, is probably because if anything did happen to her on the way home, they would feel responsible.
I am normally all for children being independent , learning to cook etc.
But, in these circumstances you should have collected her, either on foot or in the car.

I would walk to the friends house then make her walk back with me!

I despair at what has become of us whereby a 13 yr old is driven a mile for no reason. Whether it’s a fearfulness or sheer aversion to even the mildest of exercise I don’t know. Maybe both.
Not good. Very unhealthy.

They’re not obligated to bring her. I expect her to walk and would say so. If they choose to drive her anyway, that’s up to them. Nothing to do with me...as far as I’m concerned I’ve made arrangements.

I’d have gone for her too. I know it wasn’t late buts it dark and pretty cold. It would have taken 2 minutes, literally.

I didn't claim that teaching your children that they can do things they don't want to do and all will be well, will guarantee good mental health forever. Not at all. Just the same as not all babies who sleep on their backs won't succumb to SIDS. Not all people who never smoke won't get lung cancer.

We just do our best as parents, hopefully. Letting your 13 year old do a 1 mile walk on their own when they'd sooner have a lift is a good thing imo.

But don’t loads of kids walk a mile or more to and from school all the time? Why is it ok to let them do that but people are acting like the OP sent her DD down a mine?! My DS is 14 and will walk a mile home from a mates house. He’ll sometimes ask for a lift and sometimes I’ll oblige but I don’t feel like an awful parent for making him walk and nor should the op.

My mum was big on independence and I would usually walk home from school / friend’s houses. In between age 12-17, here are some that happened while I did so...

• followed by group of creepy guys, had to run a strange route as I didn’t want to lead them home, and managed to lose them in a bus station
• stones thrown at me by a couple of bored boys. One left a bruise.
• bag stolen, thrown to ground
• groped by stranger

Obviously there were hundreds of journeys that went absolutely fine... But I never felt relaxed or safe during them.

All happened around 3-4pm in ‘safe’ areas of a nice affluent district. I never mentioned any of those incidents to mum, looking back I don’t really know why, think I didn’t want to upset her but also it wasn’t like she could change past. However, I would have loved to be one of those children whose parents give them lifts all the time.

It’s not cheeky because I don’t want them offering lifts. In fact, it would be me tolerating and indulging their nonsense.

If the 13 year old is at all concerned about climate change you can cite this as an example of individuals doing their bit.

So a parent is entitled now if they expect their teenager to walk one mile in fair weather? I would rather think some children might grow up somewhat entitled, if the parents treat them like pampered princesses.

Oh and I would not be amused if my teenager begged friend's parents for a lift when I have told them to walk. Similarly, I would not want other people to drive my children, if I have specifically told them to not be lazy and use their legs.

Mine had/ have to walk, I don't drive.
YANBU and part of the reason so many kids are overweight and obese, stupid parents ferrying them everywhere.
Aw, but they might get wet, I've actually heard this

Yes, my 11 year olds went to school every day approx 2 miles away on foot and public transport. A journey of about 40 minutes all-in. Shocking!

Mycat, I agree, there are occasions when, for whatever reason, I’m unable to give my DC a lift so when I am around and able to, I will.

Rainingallday I think you need to go lie down in a darkened room.
delusional 🤣