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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my male friend is in love with me?

243 replies

ExplodingHeart · 21/10/2019 23:58

I don’t know why I think it. I suppose it’s a gut instinct. I’m very willing be told that I’m being unreasonable but I have this overwhelming feeling that my male friend loves me. Can I possibly know if he’s never said?

If I had to give some rational examples or evidence then I could try...
(For context he’s a very blokey bloke)

  • he remembers all the little and big things that are important to me. He remembers dates that I have told him I have an important meeting or presentation coming up. I might not have mentioned it for 3 weeks but then the day before he sends his good luck.
  • I’ve seen him look at me very differently to normal when he hasn’t had a chance to turn away. For example, one time I was walking ahead of him and had no idea he was there a few feet behind me. We were in a busy place. But I sensed he was there so I quickly turned around and smiled at him, taking him completely by surprise. He looked so vulnerable. He had all this tenderness and emotion in his eyes. A similar thing happened when I was meeting him somewhere and I approached him from afar. He was looking out the window for me. Again all tender and earnest. The second he saw me he turned away and went back to his normal self, full of bravado. A third time we suddenly bumped into each other fairly unexpectedly and he had that look again.
  • another time I was somewhere where he definitely wasn’t expecting to see me. He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me. He composed himself in a flash and we carried on as normal.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of love coming from him. Am I projecting or could it be true?

We are very close. I think he’s wonderful.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 22/10/2019 00:04

Are you both single?

Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 00:04

Possibly. But he could also just really love you as a friend too. Are you in love with him?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 00:05

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 00:05

I have strong feelings for him but I don’t want to ruin what we have.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 00:06

I just feel like my heart is going to explode in my chest.

Happy to be told to get a grip.

OP posts:
PunishmentSnart · 22/10/2019 00:09

Ask him?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 00:11

How? I can’t.

OP posts:
Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 00:11

To be honest, I don't think the examples that you've given point to him being in love with you because I think they could all be signs of a good friendship and he clearly cares a lot about you. But I also see it from your point of view that they could mean he looks at you in a romantic sense. It's hard to know without knowing either of you or seeing you together in real life. I mean this in a kind way but is it possible that you're reading too much into these things that have happened because you have feelings for him? What do your mutual friends think? If it was me, and you don't want to ruin what you have then I'd wait for something more concrete. The alternatives are trying to see if someone else can find out if he fancies you (risky) or you doing something to try to make something happen between the two of you which I'm assuming you won't want to do as you've said that you don't want to ruin what you've got. Plus if you make a move and he doesn't fancy you then you will almost definitely ruin a good friendship.

Stuckinarut81 · 22/10/2019 00:14

I have the solution.

Invite him over and drink a lot of wine. Then steer the conversation on the fancying issue. If it all goes tits up you can blame the booze and laugh it off.

Worked for me when I got together with a long term male friend 🤣

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 00:16

Thanks Mirrors. I really don’t want to ruin anything.

We have a few mutual friends but only one knows how I feel about him. Let’s call him N. N thinks that my friend (F) has feelings for me but N and F have never discussed it.

I have another male friend who doesn’t know F but who I have told about him. This friend has a very similar personality to F and he thinks that F has feelings. But who knows??

It could be me projecting.

OP posts:
Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 00:25

It's a tricky one and I feel for you OP! Do you think that you could do something like @Stuckinarut81 suggested? What's this guys relationship history like? Have you been friends for a long time? It's a hard one. I think it comes down to whether you take the plunge or not. Depending on if you think he will ever do anything about it, if he doesn't and you don't then you'll always be stuck in this position. Either your feelings will go away or they won't. Eventually one of you will meet someone else, sooner or later. But it's a risky one because once it's out there that you like him it's out there. The best thing would be for it to happen naturally, as in you are both at a party or whatever and end up having a kiss? Do you think that would happen?

Catsandchardonnay · 22/10/2019 00:29

Aww OP I think you both sound really sweet! Have a few drinks with him and ask him what he likes in a woman, if he says just like you, well you have your answer! Hope it works out. I’d say it’s very likely he loves you. Good luck!

Notajogger · 22/10/2019 00:31

I don't think you can read anything into a "tender and earnest" look, particularly when it's before he has seen you. If he was looking at you with love, different thing, but you said he puts on a "normal" expression as soon as he sees you.

Remembering dates is perhaps more meaningful though. Is he like that with other friends, remembering things?

You could ask him if there are any girlfriends on the horizon for him, see how he responds to questions about his love life perhaps, if you don't want to ask direct.

PhilCornwall1 · 22/10/2019 00:34

After reading the whole thread, I bloody hope he is! This is the best AIBU I've read in a long time.

FreeBedForFlys · 22/10/2019 00:36

I’ve caught DH looking really earnest and it turned out he was trying to hold in a fart.

But you both sound really sweet and I’m dying for you to get together. I second the “get pissed and suggest a shag” suggestion.

rubyroot · 22/10/2019 00:40

I'm placdmarking because I am waiting for you to tell him about your feelings and look forward to reading about a happy ending. 😁

2018SoFarSoGreat · 22/10/2019 00:42

I think you have to make the opportunity to have a conversation, just the two of you, and do just what Catsandchardonnay said. What are you looking for in your ideal woman? Then, if it sounds like you, say just that. Oooh. Sounds kinda like me. Is it me?

One of you has to bite the bullet. Just think of the time you are wasting if it is meant to be :)

Monty27 · 22/10/2019 00:43

This isn't a reverse post. It's a 3 point turn post.
OP hope you're happy together Smile

bestthingsinlife · 22/10/2019 00:48

Life is too short! Get very drunk and tell him how you feel Wine

SorrowfulMystery · 22/10/2019 00:50

Well, it could be. But everything you’ve said could also be explained by him having an excellent memory and a tendency to drop his ‘social face’ when he thinks he’s unobserved.

Pinkbonbon · 22/10/2019 00:54

Sounds more like he was up to something. Looking sheepish, shuffling his feet, yup, up to something xD maybe holding INA fart like pp said lol.

In my exp, if men like someone they tend to go for it. At least unless they already think they have been shot down. Maybe he thinks you've totally friendzone him. Try some flirting, see how he reacts.

IAmPrettyWisdomous · 22/10/2019 00:59

Nothing you have written suggests he is in love with you, but does suggest he cares and you have a friendship.

I imagine you are projecting and analysing things he does in hope that he does love you considering that you yourself have feelings for him.

If you like him and you're both single, why not approach the subject of going on a date? Just make it clear that he can say no if he doesn't want to. Some of the best relationships come from deep meaningful friendships.

VenusTiger · 22/10/2019 01:02

Do you think he’s ‘still’ single because he wants you?

Get drunk, hug and giggle, as friends, and let the merriment take the lead. It’ll happen if there’s chemistry and also if there’s built up feelings.

RubbingHimSourly · 22/10/2019 01:04

Placemarking because it's nice to see someone has a bit of romance in their lives

Scott72 · 22/10/2019 01:34

"In my exp, if men like someone they tend to go for it..."
I've read plenty of letters like OPs only with the genders reversed. But I think she's projecting. Even if she weren't, I don't think its a good idea to try and turn friendship into romance.

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