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Original poster

To think my male friend is in love with me?

243 replies

ExplodingHeart · 21/10/2019 23:58

I don’t know why I think it. I suppose it’s a gut instinct. I’m very willing be told that I’m being unreasonable but I have this overwhelming feeling that my male friend loves me. Can I possibly know if he’s never said?

If I had to give some rational examples or evidence then I could try...
(For context he’s a very blokey bloke)

  • he remembers all the little and big things that are important to me. He remembers dates that I have told him I have an important meeting or presentation coming up. I might not have mentioned it for 3 weeks but then the day before he sends his good luck.
  • I’ve seen him look at me very differently to normal when he hasn’t had a chance to turn away. For example, one time I was walking ahead of him and had no idea he was there a few feet behind me. We were in a busy place. But I sensed he was there so I quickly turned around and smiled at him, taking him completely by surprise. He looked so vulnerable. He had all this tenderness and emotion in his eyes. A similar thing happened when I was meeting him somewhere and I approached him from afar. He was looking out the window for me. Again all tender and earnest. The second he saw me he turned away and went back to his normal self, full of bravado. A third time we suddenly bumped into each other fairly unexpectedly and he had that look again.
  • another time I was somewhere where he definitely wasn’t expecting to see me. He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me. He composed himself in a flash and we carried on as normal.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of love coming from him. Am I projecting or could it be true?

We are very close. I think he’s wonderful.

OP posts:
VisibleShantiLine · 22/10/2019 07:04

Sweet! In the scheme of things there really is nothing to be lost from finding out for sure but a lot to be gained. Go for it, OP!

WMPAGL · 22/10/2019 07:10

OP, if you never do or say anything about this and he goes off and married someone else, how will you feel? Worse than of you'd given it a go and risked the awkwardness, I expect!

Do the drinking thing.

Getting together with your previously good friend is great Smile

ittooshallpass · 22/10/2019 07:16

If you go for it and you’re wrong the friendship has to be over because you want more. You’d be a fool to carry on the ‘friendship’ - you’d need to move on to find happiness. You can’t spend your life moping over someone who’s not interested.

If you go for it and you’re right, great!

The only way to sort this out is to know where you stand.

fuzzymoon · 22/10/2019 07:16

Don't let what could be slip by just in case you're wrong.

Invite him round to share a bottle of wine. Just say are you doing anything ? I fancy some good company and thought of you.

SameStory · 22/10/2019 07:21

I was friends with my husband for 6months. The only clue I had that he fancied me was a gut feeling and an initial "wow" look he gave me when he first clapped eyes on me. I never caught him look at me that way again or flirt.

However, as many suggest, I once drank too much red wine and flirted my socks off with him. We got together and 10years later still are Wine

Totally agree that your friendship has no guarantee of lasting anyway!

Yeahnahyeah1 · 22/10/2019 07:23

Given how you feel about him, your friendship couldn’t stay as it is forever anyway. When he meets someone, you’ll be upset and have to distance yourself and thus change the nature of the friendship.
Don’t let this pass you by. He may only see you S a friend but he may have feelings for you too. I’d invite him over one night, just you and him, couple of drinks but not too many, and try it on.

Flightsoffancy · 22/10/2019 07:24

I agree with the advice to have a few drinks. And then please make sure that he is able to lean in and kiss you - don't sit on the other side of the room or otherwise in an awkward position. Sit next to him and turn your body towards him. It doesn't look pushy (although it feels a bit scary!) but it makes it easier. This was some of the best advice I was ever given - I didn't realise that my body language was off-putting. And now I'm very happily married to someone I've known for years! Good luck!

MyOtherProfile · 22/10/2019 07:25

I think we need more info here. Have you two ever discussed other relationships in any way, or had relationships while you've been friends?

TheDarkPassenger · 22/10/2019 07:28

I got absolutely wrecked and kissed my friend. Thought ah fuck I’ll blame it on the booze and the nightclub... getting married next year 😁 go for it!

Dillydallyingthrough · 22/10/2019 07:51

My now DP was my closest friend for a couple of years. I think only you know if the sparks there. A few drinks in our case helped, I was going on a date and he just told me how he felt. 6 years on and very happy.

Just go for it op, you could be wasting time that you could be together!!

Butterfly84 · 22/10/2019 07:55

OP, he may well be in love for you/have romantic feelings towards you...but I think you're reading too much into normal things. Stolen glances and shuffling feet? Grin

If you're serious about being with him for the short term or long term, have a drink with him and ask him.

CakeAndGin · 22/10/2019 08:42

You need to give it a shot, even if the worst does happen. I dated my best friend and like the others, booze was the catalyst. We realised we were better off as friends. We did try to stay friends for a while but he couldn’t accept me moving on, despite agreeing with the break up. It hurts losing your boyfriend and best friend. However, I’m still glad we tried it. If we hadn’t there would always have been that ‘what if?’ from one of us. We tried it and things changed but at least we know now. As the others have said, your relationship is going to change anyway, wouldn’t you rather know regardless?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 08:43

I’ve woken up to so many lovely messages. Thank you. I will reply properly later today/tonight.

OP posts:
Toddlersaresuchadelight · 22/10/2019 08:49

I'm really hoping you go for it. I love a romance!
Friendships are special but he could be your one. If you're careful and test the waters as PPs have said, I don't think you'll lose the friendship. But you could start something that lasts forever!
Looking forward to your posts later.

Cookit · 22/10/2019 08:50

A solid friendship can be the best foundation for a relationship. This is how mine started and how a lot of the strongest marriages / long term partnerships I know started.

Personally I’d get a bit drunk together. Sending a sober text and getting rebuffed would be pretty awkward.

SorrowfulMystery · 22/10/2019 08:57

If only humans had some way to communicate with each other, you could find out.

Grin And agree. Don't play mind games, don't claim you are moving to Beijing to find love, don't ask your friend to ask him if you are both over the age of 14. Just make your feelings plain.

FavouriteSoul · 22/10/2019 09:36

I think you might be reading too much into his actions and expressions, because you are so smitten. The only way to tackle this is to make a move on him. Or simply ask him if he has ever thought about a romantic relationship with you. If he recoils in horror, you have your answer.

IAmPrettyWisdomous · 22/10/2019 09:41

@minesagin37 Sure it was. Try not to "joke" when a person is actually asking for advice. As for the smiley face (which it was not), it does not clarify it was a joke.

Nonetheless, try not to be patronising and tell others to relax when you provide nothing substantial to a thread.

Sagradafamiliar · 22/10/2019 09:41

Don't talk wet!

CaptainCabinets · 22/10/2019 09:46

@IAmPrettyWisdomous you’re a fine one to talk about being patronising. Hmm

I really hope he’s into you, OP! Flowers

WomensRightsAreContraversial · 22/10/2019 09:50

You HAVE to go for it! A life not telling him is a life half-lived!

underground76 · 22/10/2019 09:54

It's nice that he remembers your important meetings etc and wishes you good luck. Assuming you're both single it would be fine to ask him out for a drink or something.

I would be wary of thinking of this as 'being in love' though. You're putting everything on a very romantic pedestal. All this talk about 'tenderness in his eyes' and 'overwhelming feelings of love' coming from him is very over the top and a bit much. I'm sure he likes you but you're definitely projecting and you seem to have built all this up into a romantic movie script.

By all means ask him out but also, calm down a bit and have sensible expectations.

DP and I were work friends before we got together and we've now been together for nearly 17 years and are very happy, so this sort of thing can certainly work out well. But at no point before we got together did either of us feel 'overwhelming feelings of love' radiating from one another or sudden looks of tenderness and vulnerability in the office. We just got on really well and then on a work night out we ended up having a bit of a snog. Less romantic than your version, but I think perhaps a bit more realistic.

strawberry2017 · 22/10/2019 10:20

I can't tell you how much I regret not seeing if things worked out with a long time male friend. I have massive "what if" regrets.
X

yellowallpaper · 22/10/2019 10:32

Maybe it's time you started the hand on the arm, or grab his hand to show him something. A quick hug when you say goodby and a peck on the cheek. In other words add some non romantic physical contact into the relationship and see if you get a hug back or a nicer kiss. When you actually touch someone it's easier to tell whether the other person is attracted to you.

SleepyKat · 22/10/2019 10:36

I think that if a bloke likes you they will make a move. The fact he hasn't suggests he's not interested. Slim chance he doesn't want to spoil a friendship/thinks you won't be interested.