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Original poster

To think my male friend is in love with me?

243 replies

ExplodingHeart · 21/10/2019 23:58

I don’t know why I think it. I suppose it’s a gut instinct. I’m very willing be told that I’m being unreasonable but I have this overwhelming feeling that my male friend loves me. Can I possibly know if he’s never said?

If I had to give some rational examples or evidence then I could try...
(For context he’s a very blokey bloke)

  • he remembers all the little and big things that are important to me. He remembers dates that I have told him I have an important meeting or presentation coming up. I might not have mentioned it for 3 weeks but then the day before he sends his good luck.
  • I’ve seen him look at me very differently to normal when he hasn’t had a chance to turn away. For example, one time I was walking ahead of him and had no idea he was there a few feet behind me. We were in a busy place. But I sensed he was there so I quickly turned around and smiled at him, taking him completely by surprise. He looked so vulnerable. He had all this tenderness and emotion in his eyes. A similar thing happened when I was meeting him somewhere and I approached him from afar. He was looking out the window for me. Again all tender and earnest. The second he saw me he turned away and went back to his normal self, full of bravado. A third time we suddenly bumped into each other fairly unexpectedly and he had that look again.
  • another time I was somewhere where he definitely wasn’t expecting to see me. He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me. He composed himself in a flash and we carried on as normal.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of love coming from him. Am I projecting or could it be true?

We are very close. I think he’s wonderful.

OP posts:
Branster · 22/10/2019 23:18

yellowallpaper’s advice is spot on.
Also, casually drop in the conversation that you thought about him. No details just see how he reacts. Plant the seeds but don’t flirt in an obvious, sexual way and if he is interested, the penny will eventually drop that he’s got a chance with you.

rubyroot · 22/10/2019 23:19

Just get on with it op, and report back when you're fixed up. Come on, I love a good love story and a happy ending. Grin

Queenoftheashes · 22/10/2019 23:23

Agreed go find out and put us all out of our misery

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:27

You’re all so lovely. Thank you for caring!

I would love to have a drink with him. I think we need alcohol. How can I suggest that we meet up in his town for a drink without having to throw myself at him?? I’m very happy to get the train home afterwards.

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 22/10/2019 23:30

I think the point of the alcohol is to through yourself at him and blame the booze if he doesn’t respond

Witchinaditch · 22/10/2019 23:31

Throw*

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:40

I think I may have already ruined it for myself as we once had a conversation in which he said the truth always comes out when someone is drunk. We know some people who kissed at a party and claimed they didn’t know what they were doing and then I said to him that however drunk I get (which isn’t very drunk or very often!) I always know exactly what I’m doing.

So that was a mistake!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 23/10/2019 00:09

I think we need more info here. Have you two ever discussed other relationships in any way, or had relationships while you've been friends?
We haven’t had relationships recently. We talk about relationships and love and romance. He’s much more practical, rational and level headed than I am. He makes decisions with his head only. He seems to really like me as a person but I think he thinks I have my head in the clouds half the time as I’m a romantic optimist!

OP posts:
leomama81 · 23/10/2019 01:07

I think it sounds like he likes you, but also, in the worst case scenario, it doesn't have to mess up your friendship if he says he doesn't feel that way. I told one of my friends I had developed feelings and he didn't feel the same but he was really sensitive about it and made an effort to show me he wanted us to continue being great friends. And we did. If he's a good guy, and it's a good friendship, then I don't think you can really lose here.

TwiddleMuff · 23/10/2019 01:54

"How can I suggest that we meet up in his town for a drink without having to throw myself at him??"

Find a really popular bar or an event that's on there and say you've always wanted to go, and since he's in that town does he want to come too?

I hooked up with my friend (booze was involved). He was also just lovely and made me feel amazing but I never dreamt he was interested. We're still together and very happy, many years and a couple of DCs later!

MyOtherProfile · 23/10/2019 05:14

Reading your latest posts I don't think you need to contrive a situation with alcohol. It sounds like you haven't really met up just the two of you ever (or am I misreading that?) so I think you just need to start with that. Suggest a dinner or a movie or a visit to some event together and take it from there. Compliment him like he compliments you and see how it goes.

NameChangedNoImagination · 23/10/2019 05:21

My cynical advice is to keep him as a great friend. True friendship is wonderful. better than sex

OlderthenYoungerNow · 23/10/2019 05:29

I don't think its a good idea to try and turn friendship into romance.

Worked for me too! Totally agree alcohol was the lubricant for moving it to the next stage.

OooErMissus · 23/10/2019 06:13

Friendships that blossom into romances are hands-down the best sort!

Liking someone is almost more important than loving / fancying / lusting after them, if we're rating people's 'happily ever after' chances. Smile

Handmaid2019 · 23/10/2019 09:33

Can you say you're in his town for work and ask him if he fancies meeting you for a drink? Or say you want to go to a certain bar.

Get cracking op!

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 23/10/2019 09:40

Can you say you're in his town for work and ask him if he fancies meeting you for a drink? I did think about this.

OP posts:
ChongADong · 23/10/2019 09:42

Awwwww I'm proper rooting for you OP!

IdblowJonSnow · 23/10/2019 09:47

From how you've described it, it could well be love! However it's possible your own feelings are colouring things.
I would go for it and see what happens. Life is too short.
Good luck! Please report back. WinkSmile

Loopyloopy · 23/10/2019 10:04

You don't nerd to "tell" him anything. Romance is a conversation, not a declaration.

thenewname · 23/10/2019 10:26

Yes def go for the ‘in town for a meeting’ pref on a Friday if you’re both off Saturday. Tell him when you get there that you had an awful meeting with a terrible person which you don’t even want to talk about (convenient Grin) but need a few drinks to unwind.

Then if you try and snog him after a bottle of wine and he demurs, you can get a can and text him the next day and say ‘ermigad, what WAS I thinking, oh I’m sooo sorry’.

Except you likely won’t have to because you’ll be snuggled up in his bed.

thenewname · 23/10/2019 10:27

Cab not can ffs leave me alone autocorrect!

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 23/10/2019 12:48

You don't nerd to "tell" him anything. Romance is a conversation, not a declaration.
This is so true. And I do feel that it could be that way with him because we talk about everything (except our feelings for each other).

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 23/10/2019 12:48

Except you likely won’t have to because you’ll be snuggled up in his bed.
In my dreams!! 😊

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 23/10/2019 12:54

awww I hope he does OP, best of luck with it

Idontwanttotalk · 23/10/2019 13:28

"He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me."
I don't think I've ever had this effect on a man's feet. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong.
What can I do tonight to make my DH's feet shuffle in a startled way? Grin