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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my male friend is in love with me?

243 replies

ExplodingHeart · 21/10/2019 23:58

I don’t know why I think it. I suppose it’s a gut instinct. I’m very willing be told that I’m being unreasonable but I have this overwhelming feeling that my male friend loves me. Can I possibly know if he’s never said?

If I had to give some rational examples or evidence then I could try...
(For context he’s a very blokey bloke)

  • he remembers all the little and big things that are important to me. He remembers dates that I have told him I have an important meeting or presentation coming up. I might not have mentioned it for 3 weeks but then the day before he sends his good luck.
  • I’ve seen him look at me very differently to normal when he hasn’t had a chance to turn away. For example, one time I was walking ahead of him and had no idea he was there a few feet behind me. We were in a busy place. But I sensed he was there so I quickly turned around and smiled at him, taking him completely by surprise. He looked so vulnerable. He had all this tenderness and emotion in his eyes. A similar thing happened when I was meeting him somewhere and I approached him from afar. He was looking out the window for me. Again all tender and earnest. The second he saw me he turned away and went back to his normal self, full of bravado. A third time we suddenly bumped into each other fairly unexpectedly and he had that look again.
  • another time I was somewhere where he definitely wasn’t expecting to see me. He came into the room (I had my back to him) and his feet shuffled on the floor in a startled way when he saw me. He composed himself in a flash and we carried on as normal.

I just have this overwhelming feeling of love coming from him. Am I projecting or could it be true?

We are very close. I think he’s wonderful.

OP posts:
SleepyKat · 22/10/2019 10:37

But I also think you should tell him how you feel, just don't get your hopes up.

itsmecathycomehome · 22/10/2019 11:30

"I think that if a bloke likes you they will make a move."

As a mum to three boys - all in their 20s now - I can tell you that that isn't true. They suffer worries, anxieties, nerves and what ifs just like women do.

crochetmonkey74 · 22/10/2019 11:36

Op this was me and DP - I saw him looking at me that way (and so did a friend) and we finally got together 18 months later!!!!
We look back now and think how stupid we were as it was obvious we liked each other. We gradually did lots of things together- lift shares, cuppas, film nights etc - can you ask him to do something like that- if you are friends already it is low stakes- but you need to be in a place where the truth can come out- it wont ruin anything- you already are not really friends- you are more (in your mind) so it can never be just a friendship anyway - you might as well know

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2019 11:40

It's hard to tell op, as you want him to be, so will interpret things in the way that suits your requirements. You're clearly in love with him and want it reciprocated.

Have you ever had a few drinks together? Has he ever been suggestive, hinting at anything between uou?

YouthGoneMild · 22/10/2019 11:54

I was in your exact situation many, many years ago and I did nothing, for fear of it changing things and ruining our friendship.

Guess what? Things changed anyway. I met someone, he met someone, we stopped being as close. My relationship ended. Then I found out from a friend that he had liked me but didn’t want to make a move in case things changed!!!

I’m very pleased to say that I learnt my lesson and the next time I developed feelings for a friend I told them and we are now very happily together. DP is shy and would never have made the first move, so I’m so glad I did it.

Do my advice is a big fat GO FOR IT!
You’ve really got nothing to lose as if you’re as good friends as you say he won’t mind and I promise you things will change anyway, even if you do nothing.

Handmaid2019 · 22/10/2019 11:56

Aww op you must go for it! It certainly sounds as though he likes you.

Definitely involve alcohol and invite him round to yours!

YouthGoneMild · 22/10/2019 11:59

Also, alcohol is your friend!

Invite him over, get drunk, tell him!

Mordred · 22/10/2019 12:07

"They suffer worries, anxieties, nerves and what ifs just like women do."

This exactly.

We most certainly do!!

Dustybun · 22/10/2019 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somevampsarehot · 22/10/2019 12:28

This is so sweet! I hope it works out for you OP, and you should definitely write a will they, won't they romance novel. I'd read it!

FelixFelicis6 · 22/10/2019 12:36

Ask him round for a drink, film night on the sofa... something where you can get close and see how it goes!

Ginnymweasley · 22/10/2019 12:46

I think you should talk to him about it. With wine involved. Lifes too short for what ifs. As for friendship shouldn't turn into relationships. My now dh was my friend for years, we have been together 12 years now. It's made for a solid base tbh.

SaddleGhost · 22/10/2019 12:48

I think you should talk to him about it. Life is too short and you'll always wonder. If your friendship is strong enough, you'll be able to survive if he doesn't have feelings for you. Sure, it may be weird for a while but with time, you'd be back on track. Good luck!

itsmecathycomehome · 22/10/2019 13:02

I do want this to work out for you both. My cold, cynical, embittered self needs it to be true.

rubyroot · 22/10/2019 17:29

So many doubters on here. I say if you think he likes you, he probably does. I don't see how you would make a mistake, it normally is fairly obvious. He might be too worried about making a move.

Bluntness100 · 22/10/2019 17:51

I say if you think he likes you, he probably does

Lol I can see why you'd think that, but hang around here for awhile and behind the multitude of threads from women thinking their colleagues, bosses, mates, friends boyfriends, partners mates, are all in love with them, quickly followed by the ubiquitous oh he doesn't see me that way,

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:00

I think the going for a drink idea is a good one but it’s very difficult to arrange because he always drives so can’t drink. I don’t usually drive so I would need to go over to his area, quite far away, for us both to be able to drink. I can’t just invite myself to his place.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:02

I think I will need to tell him at some point, even if that means risking the friendship. I spoke to him today and he was so lovely. He brings up things in conversation, little details, that he’s remembered from other chats long ago. He makes me feel really special.

OP posts:
Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 23:04

Can you invite him over for an evening at yours? You could cook or order a takeaway and have a glass of wine, few candles, see how the evening goes?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:06

Have you ever had a few drinks together? Has he ever been suggestive, hinting at anything between uou?
We have had a drink together once in a group but we broke away and shared a cigarette. Neither of us normally smoke but it was the sexiest thing ever, taking it from each other’s hands. So much electricity. 🤣
He’s said things that make me think he likes me a lot. He’s complimentary about my looks and personality. He teases me a bit. He’s never hit on me. I don’t think!!

OP posts:
Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:08

Mirrors123 I could but it would be me drinking alone as he would have to drive home afterwards.

OP posts:
Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 23:12

I'm not sure then. If you can't go to his and he can't come to yours and he can't have a drink when he goes out because he always drives then having a drink to relax things may be out of the question!

Mirrors123 · 22/10/2019 23:13

Maybe forget alcohol then as if you have only once had a drink together then it doesn't sound like that's really the thing for either of you?

MairzyDoats · 22/10/2019 23:13

Oh I can totally sense that you're both mad about each other. You have to invite him over for dinner and offer him a place to stay the night so he can have a drink (the sofa, obviously!) How good a friend is he? Do you spend much time together?

Original poster
ExplodingHeart · 22/10/2019 23:13

Remembering dates is perhaps more meaningful though. Is he like that with other friends, remembering things?
Possibly. I don’t see him that much around other people so I’m not sure. He is very intelligent though so has a good brain.

OP posts: