To ask FIL to stop calling DD his pretty princess?

[Howdidido]

It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess (except when dressed as a princess) and we're trying to get her to value her kindness and mind more than looks. The problem is she is adorable. (Biased obvs!) Waiters call her a princess and she replies that she's not.
But FIL is always on about how pretty his princess is. It really gets on my nerves
Otherwise lovely grandparents. They do have a tendency to overbuy pint very fluffy/sparkly clothes for her. Lots of princess/unicorn/sparkle stuff.
I know, they've only got 1 GD but can't they big up how clever she is, or strong, or everything else, like they do with all their grandsons?

Any suggestions of what I can say without offending gratefully received!

Yanbu

@Aridane I surmised that the OP’s Dd does not like being called a princess from the beginning of her OP:
“It grates me. DD4 is FILs first grand-daughter. They had 5 some and only grandsons so far.
DD doesn't particularly like being called a princess”. Then the waiter example comes a little later.

MustardScreams if I wanted your opinion I would ask for it. I don't so I didn't so kindly keep your snout out. Cheers.

Where's the laughing hysterically emoji?!

What the hell are you doing on MN@Aprillygirl? And specifically on AIBU where the whole point is to post our opinions?

By posting anything on any thread here, you're basically asking for someone to disagree with you.

There’s a difference between what you’re happy with some random waiter calling you and your grandad.

I call my little nieces "princess", I don't think I am demeaning or undervaluing them in any way

My sister does this to my girls - absolutely hate it. They aren’t princess’s, why lie?

I'm replying to OP saraclara, you know the one who actually asked for an opinion

I feel sorry for your girl op

Why is it so offensive to call a young
girl by a term of endearment?? I do feel sorry for kids growing up in this generation, they are so screwed up due to all the crazy notions of their parents. I am how do they know their self worth if they are never praised etc.

What is wrong with princess?? I call my girls princess and do not qualify it with silly phrases like 'brave like princess Elsa etc' that's bonkers

For a child:
Hugely important - knowing that your close family members adore you

Important - your grandad's happiness and comfort around you

Not important - that your grandad has a girly pet name for you, when there will be a million other influences on you during your childhood and teenage years.

Can't believe people still use princess. It's so tacky.

Can’t stand it when people focus on a child’s looks. It really means nothing and isn’t something I’d ever want my daughter to focus on. It’s so shallow. My SIL is like this. Really grates me. I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. She also dresses her 9 year old in clothing far too old for her.

I really don’t think it’s focusing on looks. It’s just a term of endearment. Why sexualise it to be about looks?

I really don’t think it’s focusing on looks. It’s just a term of endearment. Why sexualise it to be about looks?

Because he calls her a pretty princess and is apparently always on about how pretty she is! It doesn't need to be sexualised, not at all actually. But he's clearly focusing on her looks.

I think you are overthinking this. I often call my daughter my gorgeous girl. She is also praised for positive attributes like kindness, perseverance etc.

I don’t this is detrimental to her

I think you can call her "pretty princess" and big up her other traits too? I call DD pretty, beautiful, strong, brave, intelligent, kind, cheeky, wonderful... Because to me she is all of those things.

But your DD doesn't really like it so he should stop because of that

Maybe ask him to drop the "pretty" and just call her "princess"? I find "princess" less focused on looks and more about them beingspecial/like royalty in your eyes etc.

They aren’t princess’s, why lie?

I don't think DD genuinely believes she is a princess. Just like when I call her my little chicken nugget or my little superhero, she doesn't actually think she is those things.

focusing on girls looks and boys characteristics

People do this with boys - gonna break hearts when he's older, little heartthrob/my romeo, handsome boy...

girls and boys different terms of endearment little boy get called Prince though. What's the difference? They are sexes words.

One thing I want to know is the people on here defending the FIL: how do you feel about young boys being told ‘big boys don’t cry’ ‘stop acting like a girl’ ‘be a man’ etc etc.

Would you be ok with people saying this to your son? Knowing that the biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide?
And if you’re not ok with that, why are you ok with girls being called pretty, princess, gorgeous girl, and other descriptives using looks alone?

I wouldn't tell my son to man up, but nor would I tell my daughter to woman down so to speak. I just don't see ING my daughter a gorgeous girl any different to calling a son a handsome young lad etc

But do you tell him he’s really brave and praise him for not being emotional during things like when he’s hurt himself or having to go to the drs? It’s such an insidious thing I don’t think people realise they’re doing it half the time.

People do this with boys - gonna break hearts when he's older, little heartthrob/my romeo, handsome boy..

People may. But the OP's FIL doesn't.

But do you tell him he’s really brave and praise him for not being emotional during things like when he’s hurt himself or having to go to the drs?

Um I praise my daughter for being brave and strong too I also comfort when they cry. You can do literally all of these things. It's not one or the other.

Cheese

I was talking about the general comments about girls and being praised for beauty but boys are tm not the speicif ones. Focusing on girls' looks, it said, not focusing on my girl's looks.