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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
fatandfettered · 21/10/2019 18:04

CF's. Say no.

Drabarni · 21/10/2019 18:08

Tell dh to sort it out, and they can't have your things.

bellabasset · 21/10/2019 18:09

Was your dh taken by surprise? I think I would contact MIL.and tell her as you are planning another baby you wish to keep.your baby clothes, toys, pram etc.

regmover · 21/10/2019 18:11

This is easy and you don't need to make any excuses. Just tell them you have no plans to give your baby stuff away. Rinse and repeat.

makingmammaries · 21/10/2019 18:12

Giving baby stuff away is wonderful, when you no longer need it.

But, since your DH knows very well that you still need it, we want to know what he said in response.

Don’t be strong-armed, OP. Just say “Not at this time”.

Polydactyly · 21/10/2019 18:16

What did DH say to them when they said that?

Ayemama · 21/10/2019 18:17

Definitely say no.

It's your stuff I didn't give any of my baby stuff to anyone when before I had my second despite being asked twice for family babies.

Stuckinanutshell · 21/10/2019 18:17

That’s SO cheeky! You shouldn’t even need to explain that you’re thinking about having another child - this is your stuff! Just say ‘no’. You don’t even need to elaborate. ‘We would love to be able to help with X (eg a gift of some old clothes or baby shower gift etc) but we are planning to keep all our baby things. There’s lots of deals on Facebook marketplace and Mothercare etc often have huge sales’

But ultimately it’s a big fat no.

LtJudyHopps · 21/10/2019 18:18

My family (nan and dad) are like this - they’re not CF’s they just believe when you’re done with something you share it around. Just yesterday my Nan gave away a pair of my timberlands boots I wasn’t finished with Sad she thought I’d said I was giving them to charity (I hadn’t, she’d misheard a conversation) and she gave them to my cousin. She wasn’t being malicious just trying to help my cousin out. I’m gutted but won’t ask for them back.
So it could be the MIL trying to help out, which isn’t her place, but just tell her you aren’t finished with them.

Original poster
TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 18:24

Mil does have a key to the house that she sneakily stole when we moved in.
Bil and his fiance are fairly well off, they have a bigger house than us and two cars.

Ohilovedinosaurs what a cheeky cow your Mil is!

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 21/10/2019 18:30

Mil does have a key to the house that she sneakily stole when we moved in

And you haven't got it back, or changed the locks?!

I'm begining to see the problem here.

They walk all over you, see your home as an extension of theirs including the stuff in it, and your apron-stringed DH does nothing about it.

Pidge40 · 21/10/2019 18:40

Was she joking?? I hope it was said in jest or she's misunderstood somewhere, because if not that is bloody cheeky!! Unbelievable!
You do not to give them anything and your DH needs to explain that to her, how rude!!

Weebitawks · 21/10/2019 18:43

If you \Your D H just send a bright and breezy message "hi MIl, DH mentioned about FIL coming with his van to pick up some things for Bil. I've had a little root through and the stuff we're not using really only fills a bag so I can drop it over whenever" then dig out a few bits and pieces to show willing and never speak about it again.

timeisnotaline · 21/10/2019 18:47

So they are perfectly well off? A flat no to mil and fil. Any kind of ‘we might have some clothes’ will just be heard as here take my baby’s cot and pram. If you want to offer to lend anything to sil do it directly and face to face. No mil / fil involved, and you have plenty of time to come to that decision.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/10/2019 18:52

Locksmith wanted asap...do it now OP...

Whatsnewpussyhat · 21/10/2019 18:54

Get your bloody key back and tell DH to set MIL straight before she pops round and takes it all when you are out.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 21/10/2019 18:58

There's not any more to it is there OP? Was a lot of the stuff given to you by PilL with some sort of implicit requirement it be passed on to BiL?

Ragglesnaggle · 21/10/2019 19:01

She stole a bleddy key? Change your locks, it's easy, just look on YouTube.
Then just wait for her to come round on the sly and find her key doesn't work....

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/10/2019 19:02

@TheCheekOfSomePeople - in relation to "Mil does have a key to the house that she sneakily stole when we moved in." You absolutely must either change the locks or get your key back. And also in relation to
"Bil and his fiance are fairly well off, they have a bigger house than us and two cars" and the reason this is more likely to be the case is because they sponge off everyone!

No, MiL, we're not done with our baby equipment. None of it is available yet. Sure by the time we're done with it, SiL's baby might be starting school tinkly laugh & head tilt

Sneezeandooops · 21/10/2019 19:03

Sandandsea has the best response. No explanation needed.

pinkyredrose · 21/10/2019 19:05

How did she steal a key and went haven't you got it back off her?

Fweakout · 21/10/2019 19:13

So have you talked to DH yet?

PurpleCrowbar · 21/10/2019 19:14

'A van, PILs?! Goodness. No need for that, but we might have a bag of stuff. Mind you we are keeping lots of our little baby things to use again, hopefully, so not sure that anything we are definitely done with would be worth BIL & SIL having, tbh. & obviously the big stuff is still in use anyway! But I'll have a rummage'

Then a) offload anything you were given that you don't much like anyway b) bollock dh for not shutting this one down & c) change your locks...

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 21/10/2019 19:17

Absolutely change locks tomorrow.

And this needs to be met head on-
with a full and final
"there has apparently been a misunderstanding- we are still using and hope to be using in the future so no need for the van as we are keeping our baby things" and that's the end of the conversation!!

Monestasi · 21/10/2019 19:19

Even if on loan.

You will never see this stuff again, and if you do it will not be in the same condition as you last saw it.

YANBU please say no.