To not want to give them my baby stuff?

[TheCheekOfSomePeople]

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

[bakesalesally]

Just no. You don't need to offer any form of explanation.

[CorBlimeyGovenor]

Use this as a good excuse to sift out all the stained stuff and torn books that you want to get rid of! And ask your friends if they have any stuff that they also want to Palm off. Some of them have probably been given loads of tat that they have been given. And then load it into bin liners and dump the lot at hers!

[stucknoue]

Just say so (ideally face to face with a big grin). They will make an assumption (but you haven't lied!) the pram is particularly cheeky if you still need it

[2beautifulbabs]

No chance go back and say sorry we are keeping the stuff happy to contribute or buy an item for when Baby is here.

Can't believe the cheek of your Mil

[TheScruffyDog]

Definitely just say no. Don't be strong armed into lending it for the meanwhile etc. You'll never get it back. I speak from bitter experience.

[Mix56]

IMHO it would depend on relationship with BIL & SIL, if they are friends than I would lend what I didn't need. & ask for it to be rineturned afterwards.
If they are in financial difficulty & not just CF then I would do as above.
If not just say No, don't bring a van, I will see if there are a few bits I don't need/want to keep, I am keeping the bed etc.
Also, this may be just MIL assuming you won't need things , but SIL may not even want 2nd hand stuff

[CoffeeChocolateWine]

Apologies if you’ve already said this, but has this come for your MIL or from BIL and fiancé via MIL? Not sure what kind of relationship you have but would you feel more comfortable having a chat with the fiancé and just mention casually “I wish we had some stuff we could pass on to you but we don’t I’m afraid...we’re going to be needing it for a while yet”.

[holidays987]

Your DH should be the one to call and let them know your baby items are not going to be given away any time soon.
He should have said that during the original conversation since he's aware you're going to try for another.

[MumW]

Your DH needs to sort this and just say "no, we're not passing it on."

[diddl]

Would BIL & fiancee even want the stuff?

It seems odd that MIL/FIL are assuming that they can collect everything rather than just saying that you might have a couple of bits that you don't want/need.

Why don't they think that they should be buying their own stuff (as their other son & DIL did!)

[Ohilovedinosaurs]

This exact same situation happened to me. Mil sent me (not DH ) a list of things Sil needed. I pointed out dd would be 20 months when her cousin was born so I was still using the pushchair and cot and would be for a few more years (it was a cot bed). Mil suggested that we bought a stroller and a bed so Sil could have the pushchair and cot. I suggested instead that Sil bought them for us and she could have the pushchair and cot. Mil moaned that it wasn't fair that Sil had to spend money when we didn't (pushchair was from my nan, PIL bought the mattress and cot off Freecycle 🙄). I lent Sil the stuff we weren't using (jumperoo etc) but I refused on all things I still needed and just kept saying no.

Sil is pregnant again with a girl. Mil has told me I'm not allowed to get rid of my girls clothes as Sil needs them all.....

[Autumn2019]

The cheek some people have. No way would i give my baby stuff away especially if i want to have another child. When can fil come and collect your baby stuff? Never. Tell them you are not done with them yet and you may have another child so dont want to give them away. Also to think you would give away the pram your parents bought for your DC! Wonder if your mil had a conversation with you in her dreams in which you said you would give your baby stuff away! I am so annoyed in your behalf.

[Autumn2019]

On your behalf i mean

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Wow. YANBU.

Just say that you’re sorry but you’re still using a lot of the baby stuff for your DD and that you’re not sure whether you’re done with your family and might need it in the future. I wouldn’t hand anything over if you intend to have another as I expect they won’t be done with it for at least two years so if your second comes in that time you’ll be in an awkward position trying to get the big items back.

I would maybe put together a bag of clothes and other things that either you wouldn’t use again or which they would only use in the first few months (and therefore can easily return) but I wouldn’t pass it on until much closer to the due date and I definitely wouldn’t be giving anything like a pram or cot.

[FelixFelicis6]

Cheeky fuckers! No need to go into details, just say no that won’t be possible, not least because you are still using them.

[DisneyMadeMeDoIt]

In situations like this I find it MUCH more effective to have DH call MIL (on speakerphone) to ‘check details’ whilst I listen/maybe join the convo if needed.

DH is not always reliable at relaying info (I suspect he often only half listens to MIL).

DH: Hi mum, I was just asking X about dad coming with his van and she’s a bit confused. Were you meaning for us to send them all our baby furniture/stuff...etc?
MIL: Well yes seeing as you aren’t using them it’s nice to share
DH: Oh ok, sorry I’d misunderstood. Well X and I are actually trying for another atm/about to try so we’re going to hold onto the furniture and toys but I’m sure we can dig out some clothes we don’t want to keep.

Leave it at that. She might suggest you ‘lend’ them the furniture whilst you TTC but I would just be polite but firm - ‘Sorry but I’d rather keep them’. It’s TOTALLY not unreasonable.

I’ve been SO shocked by the culture of moving baby items within families. My MIL told us not to buy several ‘biggish’ items or clothes as DH’s cousin will send his/his wife’s (from the other end of the country!) MADNESS! Granted I don’t think they’ll be having any more children but they’re youngest is 4 months 🤔 Plus they’ve not offered it themselves it’s all been done via MIL and auntie.

I do feel a bit awkward about it all.

[TriciaH87]

Tell them straight. You plan on using it again and don't want to risk it being damaged so someone else gets it all for free meaning you would have to buy again.

[DonKeyshot]

In mumsnet-land NO is a complete sentence. Tell the CFs to do one.

If they set about buying clothes/equipment now they'll have everything in place for the new arrival in six months time. Point them in the direction of gumtree/ebay and the freebie sites and they should be able to get everything they need for very little outlay.

[readingismycardio]

And even if you weren't trying for a baby, maybe you wanted to sell them, give them to someone else, donate them to charity, keeping them just because. CF at its finest. People are just getting crazier and crazier

[FizzyGreenWater]

But no, DH DIDN'T come home and tell you that FIL was coming with his van, did he, because when PIL said that to him, he obviously replied 'No, that's not happening, we are keeping our things for the foreseeable future' - didn't he? DIDN'T HE?

I can so see the way this one will go.

Your DH is very, very obviously the problem here OP.

[FizzyGreenWater]

It could be a communication failure but dh said about fil bringing his van.

Err no, that's not a communication failure, that's your FIL saying I'm coming in a van to pick up all your baby equipment and your DH saying NOTHING TO PUT A STOP TO IT.

This is your DH's spineless fault, so I would sort this quick smart by telling him to tell them on speakerphone that your stuff is not available to nick.

[SunshineCake]

Don't pretend you are pregnant ffs.

[Whattodoabout]

YANBU, this is ridiculously cheeky. Presumably you bought all or most of those baby items so what will SIL actually have to buy for her own baby? Does SIL even want this or has MIL just bulldozed in with a crazy idea? Most first time parents want to choose their own stuff, I know I did.

Just say no, you’re still using it or will be soon for a second child. It’s your stuff, they can’t just steal it.

[Whattodoabout]

Oh and I should also say that you are right to be worried about getting the items back when you do have a second child. Soooo many threads on MN with people bemoaning this exact situation.

[Irisloulou]

I had a sil like this. She was pregnant and said “ great I won’t need to buy anything, I can have all of yours”

It went to. Charity, other friends, the tip! I gave that CF nothing.