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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 21/10/2019 16:25

As soon as I am done having babies and using baby things I’ll happily gift nearly everything. Until then I’m hanging onto nearly everything, and any lending is with very clear parameters - I want it back! In your case I would start with a clear no to pil (bil may have no idea this is going on) and make sure dh is on the same page. I might make sure they can’t get into my house given the van discussion.
Honestly a pram you are still using? What is she going to do, snatch it out from under your baby?

Fundays12 · 21/10/2019 16:29

Your DH tells them no end off. You need the stuff if you have another baby. If you give it away you may well end up buying everything new. I wonder if MIL has assumed BIL wants it as he may not. Most people like to but there own stuff particularly first time parents.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/10/2019 16:31

How dare they? How rude OP.Tell em to bugger off...No misunderstanding they are grabby and horrid. Good grief has MIL no manners or dignity at all....

cstaff · 21/10/2019 16:32

I am hoping for your sake that this was a misunderstanding.

Go easy to start with until you can establish for a fact that they are being CF's and also who is being a CF - is the PIL or the BIL and his partner.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 21/10/2019 16:33

posted too soon sorry OP I would burn the lot first before I was TOLD by them what I should be doing with my things... If your DH won't sort it you must and tell em in no uncertain terms where to stick their ideas...

SparkyBlue · 21/10/2019 16:34

You are still using it so don't even entertain the notion of giving it to them. Who knows by the time her baby is due you could be pregnant again yourself.
I am the opposite and I am currently packing my baby stuff to give away but I am done with having babies and I offered it to my relative who is delighted to take it.

Oodlesandpoodles · 21/10/2019 16:35

No is a full answer to this!

If you had offered to go through some of your items and say oh yes we’ll give that away to BIL etc.

But to assume is way to CF for my liking.

Just say that you won’t be giving away your baby stuff yet.

If they complain state that if they need to beg they should reconsider having children If they can’t afford them!

Raspberrytruffle · 21/10/2019 16:39

Just say sorry theres obviously been crossed wires we aren't finished with our baby stuff but as soon as we are you're more than welcome to them if you need them, tell them asap OP even a text as they may well turn up soon with a van and cause a scene when you are on your own

Beautiful3 · 21/10/2019 16:40

Never give away anything unless you are 100 percent done with it, as you probably will never get it back. I would say, "I'm sorry but we dont have anything to pass on as x is still using them, also planning for another baby."

HuggedTree · 21/10/2019 16:42

They can fuck off! I’ll tell them for you, I’m feeling grumpy at the world. CFers. Are your in-laws normally like this?

lunar1 · 21/10/2019 16:46

Just tell them you will be using it all for the foreseeable future. Cheeky sods!

Thatnovembernight · 21/10/2019 16:48

Bloody hell, just when you think you’ve heard it all! I’d nip this in the bud quickly before this scenario plays out repeatedly for the next 15/20 years. I’d text something simple like:

There seems to have been some sort of mix up about collecting things with a van but we aren’t actually finished with anything yet! Happy to recommend some things though if that’s helpful.

Peachez · 21/10/2019 16:49

You don't have to justify your 'No, you can't flaming well have our stuff" by the having another baby thing. Just say no. If that doesn't work, say hell no. Keep going and embarrass the heck out of them until they understand.

flouncyfanny · 21/10/2019 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iloveacurry · 21/10/2019 16:54

Hope your DH didn’t offer. Just say no. They’re being CFs.

tumbleisatwat · 21/10/2019 16:57

But you still have a baby!

NicLondon1 · 21/10/2019 16:57

It sounds like you need to keep the buggy and other things still being used, but personally I wouldn't have a problem with lending the small baby clothes/books/toys for the next year or two? Just make a list and say it would be great to have them back if you have another?
(so what if they're not in as good condition? they are just for your child to get dirty....)
Anyways, it would be nice. I've had loads of hand me downs myself and always try to pass them on (even with a view to wanting them back in the future). It's just a nice thing to do. Nobody wants to spend hundreds on having everything new, right?

PollyShelby · 21/10/2019 17:00

Just say not sure what's going on but we won't be passing out stuff on as we will be using it again.

Don't be apologising.

TreePeepingWatcher · 21/10/2019 17:05

With baby things you wait until you are offered stuff by people.

Definitely go with SandAndSea's

"Hi mil! I think there's been a misunderstanding. We're not ready to pass on our baby stuff yet. Sorry!"

Short, to the point, you are not relinquishing your baby stuff. Do it now before FIL turns up with a van!

RosaRi · 21/10/2019 17:05

Just say no, you still need those things.

Interestedwoman · 21/10/2019 17:06

YANBU. They shouldn't assume. At the very least, keep the stuff you're still using- plus YOU and DH are the ones to decide what they can have. xx

Bumblebee1115 · 21/10/2019 17:08

Oh god. No they definitely aren’t entitled to it. Does your brother in law and partner actually want the stuff? Maybe it’s your in laws who think they are being helpful??

Anyway, don’t let them have it. Tell them you are still using some of it and want to keep it all if you have another!

They sound like a nightmare!

20viona · 21/10/2019 17:09

Tell them to fuck themselves and but their own!

Purpleartichoke · 21/10/2019 17:10

You have no obligation to loan them anything.

With baby things it is also important to remember that destruction or damage is likely so do not loan anything you actually care about getting back.

Wonkybanana · 21/10/2019 17:10

we won't be passing out stuff on as we will be using it again.

The problem with this (or variant) is that they (whether that's BIL and SIL or PILs) will say that of course they'll give them back to you when they've finished with them/they'll have done with them by the time you need them...or something. And you'll never see them again. Just say no. No reason needed, it'll only give them something to argue against you with.

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