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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
Wetnappies · 21/10/2019 19:22

YADNBU!

PicaK · 21/10/2019 19:23

Well meaning but thoughtless mil. It is easy to forget what you use to which stage.
I have visions of sil and bil, anguishing over how to tell you they don't want your stuff, they want to buy their own but you and fil have already sorted out the van....
Communicate direct in future

missnevermind · 21/10/2019 19:24

Send Sil a message. Tell her Fil is on his way round with a van for your baby stuff. Lots of exclamation marks. OMG how cheeky of him, you are still using it for the baby and have no intention of ''selling' it to them.

Woodlandwitch · 21/10/2019 19:24

CF’s!

I had the opposite problem!
My strange SIL dumped all her baby stuff on us as early as 12 weeks when we said we didn’t want anything and especially not as early as that (we were in the middle of a house renovation).
2 weeks after baby was born she then found out she was pregnant and asked for everything back.
Shed told us to get rid of the stuff once we were done with it so most of it I had given to charity already as we had gifts of new baby stuff from parents and close family.

SIL went mad and made us pay her back for some things and accused us of lying when she said she had given us some things that both DH and I were sure of.

I’m still cross about it now nearly 3 years on!

Sorry for thread hi jack

SuchAToDo · 21/10/2019 19:25

What Cheeky fuckers they are, just assuming they can roll up and take it all...what a sense of entitlement they have....text them no (so you stay in control of conversation...if you do it in person they may pressure you) and say that you are keeping them incase you have another baby/sentimental reasons etc. ..don't let them take your stuff

xJodiex · 21/10/2019 19:52

I have relatives like this, I stay away from them. And no way would I let them have a key! Change the locks and be firm with them, tell them they're not getting your stuff, you're still using/want it.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 19:56

If you have upvc doors just swop the barrels. She won't realise. Until she tries to get in ..

8by8 · 21/10/2019 20:11

@ flouncyfanny - are you seriously suggesting the OP pretend to be pregnant and miscarry? That’s a terrible thing to do. Attitudes vary but my parents were very upset when I miscarried, it would be a very cruel thing to do to lie about a miscarriage. You need to give your head a wobble.

pooopypants · 21/10/2019 20:11

Why on earth have you not got the key back to changed the locks already!?!?!?????

And simply say "we're not giving away or selling the baby's things"
Job done. Time for your big girl pants OP

Jollymollyx · 21/10/2019 20:16

The chances are if they are comfortable- they will want their own new stuff and this is probably inlaws assuming. You could always text bil/sil and say mil mentioned that they wanted your baby stuff. Was it anything in particular as you were thinking of keeping it all for no2 and politely say sorry to the shut it doen

Boobiliboobiliboo · 21/10/2019 20:25

I “lent” stuff to SIL and BIL after our (only) baby. They then “lent” it to someone else, then had it back for baby 2, then “lent” it to 2 more people. So I lent it for one baby and 5 babies used it. It was all dumped back on me afterwards (5 years had passed!) to dispose of. Hmm

PurpleCrazyHorse · 21/10/2019 20:43

Definitely don't lend what you don't want back. Bit like loaning money really, you need to gift anything without expectation to receiving it back at all or in the same condition.

I'd go polite (in case of a genuine mis-communication) but firmly no.

MidnightMystery · 21/10/2019 20:47

Wtf!

The stuff they want is YOURS even if they got you the pram it was gifted to you. Tell them you aren't offering any of it!

Ihatefootball86 · 21/10/2019 20:54

I'd be very nice so as not to upset MIL but also just say sorry dc still using pram and we hope to use the other stuff in the near future.
I would however be having a firm conversation with DH. Is he usually a complete pushover? Actually he should be the one to say it...

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/10/2019 20:56

I’m just following for the follow up drama from MIL as, like others, I’m betting your BIL&SIL will want to buy new and they’ve got no idea MIL is about to rob you!

Queenoftheashes · 21/10/2019 21:06

So it sounds like you’ve been advised your FIL intends to burgle your house. Yes you should change the locks.

nedflandereses · 22/10/2019 00:34

I hope you're not seriously going to let these people walk all over you and steal your stuff. Change your locks, I can't believe you haven't?! She'll just turn up and clear you out.

ILearnedItFromABook · 22/10/2019 01:08

Definitely don't give them a single thing unless it's what you want to do! How obnoxious and presumptuous to not even ask!

I agree that changing the locks would be a wise investment. Even if you managed to get your original key back, there's no way of knowing they wouldn't have made a copy. (With normal people, I wouldn't worry about copies, but clearly your in-laws don't respect the usual boundaries.)

Butterymuffin · 22/10/2019 01:18

Again it's a D H problem. Tell him he needs to put his parents straight about this, and also change the locks, if he is so keen to have another baby.

Apolloanddaphne · 22/10/2019 01:23

It is your stuff. You do not have to give it to anyone.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/10/2019 06:51

If she (or FIL or anyone else) enters your home and takes items without permission that's burglary.

The fact that she has a key and is a relative is irrelevant. Surely she's not going to commit a criminal act over a few baby items, especially when it sounds like SIL and BIL can afford their own.

I did wonder if maybe they were very young with no money so would need help setting up to have the baby but apparently not.

willowmelangell · 22/10/2019 07:05

Sneakily took a key? Well, sneakily change the lock!

Raindancer411 · 22/10/2019 07:53

Change the lock and if she notices say oh we lost a key so had to replace them 😂

Miniloso · 22/10/2019 07:55

Just say no. No way. It’s wrong on so many levels!

MadameButterface · 22/10/2019 09:16

I wonder how many posts/threads this particular cf saga will get to before op changes the locks and/or tells the ils they can’t have the stuff, like a normal person would.