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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give them my baby stuff?

487 replies

TheCheekOfSomePeople · 21/10/2019 15:02

Bil and his fiancé are expecting a baby (12 weeks pregnant I think) and dh has just told me that mil has just asked dh when can fil collect our baby furniture, clothes, toys and books with his van. I think they are even expecting to collect the pram which my parents bought and we are still using (my dc is 22 months old).
Me and dh are also thinking about trying for another baby in the near future.
AIBU to think they are being cheeky?
AIBU to want to keep the stuff because my dc is still using the pram, toys and books and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.
Dh didn't mention that we were thinking of trying for another baby

OP posts:
Beveren · 21/10/2019 15:39

So what did your husband say in answer to his mother's question?

Winterfellismyhome · 21/10/2019 15:40

Go with @SandAndSea. Perfectly polite

Mephisto · 21/10/2019 15:40

Are you going to say no, OP?

You won’t get any of the stuff back in usable condition. And you may not get it back at all if they decide to have another baby.

Topseyt · 21/10/2019 15:44

It is your stuff. Just tell her "no, we are still using all of it and will be keeping it for future children", then repeat as necessary until the message has sunk in.

Have BIL & SIL asked, or has MIL simply taken it upon herself here to do this?

Cheeky fuckers. I didn't even share much of my baby stuff with my own sister. We had our children at a broadly similar time so needed separate stuff anyway. We also don't live near each other. I would have been very annoyed if anyone had tried to virtually wrest stuff off me to hand over.

Stand your ground.

Inertia · 21/10/2019 15:45

This is very easy to solve. Just call MIL and say that you haven't finished with any of your baby stuff yet. (Your child is still a baby, for heaven's sake!)

underground76 · 21/10/2019 15:47

No, of course YANBU to want to hang on to stuff that you are likely to use again in the near future and some of which you are still using now, ffs!

It sounds to me like there's been a misunderstanding somewhere along the line. Like others, though, I'm stunned that your DH didn't immediately just explain that you're still using most of the stuff and are keen to hang on to the rest because you're hoping to try for another baby soon. Who the hell would just say 'Oh, OK' when someone just randomly announced that they were expecting to given a pram that you are still currently using, let alone the other stuff as well! Jeez.

mbosnz · 21/10/2019 15:54

I'd just be saying, 'sorry, no, we're not passing on our baby stuff, much is still being used, and there's the possibility we may be needing the rest of it in the near future'.

timshelthechoice · 21/10/2019 15:55

What? Why in the Hell did HE, your H, not tell her NO? YANBU.

AlwaysCheddar · 21/10/2019 15:57

Cfs! Just give a firm no, sorry you need them now and in the near future!

Dandelion1993 · 21/10/2019 15:59

Call them and say they can't have it.

chocodrops · 21/10/2019 16:00

I wonder if BIL and his partner really want it? Sounds like MIL making assumptions all over the place!

AloeVeraLynn · 21/10/2019 16:04

This doesn't even have to be an issue. Just say no, you're not ready to pass any stuff on as you still need it. That's the end of it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/10/2019 16:07

Go with SandandSeas response. Either a communication failure or cfuckery.

Windydaysuponus · 21/10/2019 16:08

Hi mil, if fil can book a van for 2025 we may have finished with all of dc's stuff.
Will get back to with a def date when we know we are finished with OUR stuff.

northerngirl2012 · 21/10/2019 16:09

Just say no, that doesn't work for us. We've not finished using it and we're looking to reuse again in the future. Thanks

ReanimatedSGB · 21/10/2019 16:11

It might well have been crossed wires rather than blatant Cfery: check with your H what he actually said and, if necessary either get him to ring PIL or you do it - and just say, sorry, we are still using our stuff so we have nothing to spare. end of conversation.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 21/10/2019 16:17

What??! This is bizarre. Your DC is still tiny...why on earth would they assume you’ve finished with this stuff? I can vaguely understand passing on clothes that you’re done with (but you’re clearly not if you’re planning on having another), but furniture?? He’ll probably be in a cot until you need it again for your next baby and the changing table is probably still in use. And the pram?? WTAF?? Books and toys will still be in use for years!

I cannot understand why they would assume that this is ok. Rude and CFery at its finest. Your DH needs to just say you’re not finished with it and you’ll hopefully be needing it again before too long. Conversation over.

Pilot12 · 21/10/2019 16:18

Do you think BIL and his Fiancée would actually want it? Are they hard up?

When I was pregnant with our first MIL and SIL turned up with a big pile of baby stuff they had collected. I didn't want any of it, I wanted all new stuff chosen by me for my first baby. It went to the local charity shop the next day!

BrendasUmbrella · 21/10/2019 16:19

Don't compromise. Just say no.

ohfourfoxache · 21/10/2019 16:21

Do they have spare keys? If so it might be an idea to change the locks so they don’t just pop in and help themselves

PutsFootInIt · 21/10/2019 16:22

if you don't feel comfortable saying no then you could always say you've already promised it to a friend ?

Namechangeymcnamechange11 · 21/10/2019 16:22

You definitely need to get the full story from DH. It could be anything from Mil saying bil is skint and could be sort out a few bits of clothes and DH agreeing,to full on CFery.
In the event of full CFery, you need a breezy "sorry mil, we're still using a lot of it and we're planning on having another soon so will need the baby stuff".

Hollyhobbi · 21/10/2019 16:23

Who even buys all that stuff if they're only just 12 weeks pregnant? Let alone demands it from someone Shock

Drum2018 · 21/10/2019 16:23

Get your Dh to ring his mother this evening and say that he won't be giving bil any of your baby items. He doesn't need to get into details about ttc another baby. He doesn't need to say 'sorry...' It's a straight forward no. She and bil can be pissed off if they want. However, like the majority of first time parents bil and his gf will have to buy their own stuff, or at the very least ask people to borrow themselves and not get mammy to do it for them. Don't feel bad for saying no, but do it quickly before the van arrives at your door.

Billben · 21/10/2019 16:25

and it might be difficult to get it back if we have another baby. And it might not be in as good condition as we gave it.

I wouldn’t worry about what condition your things will be in because you won’t be getting them back, believe me. 😀 CF like these will probably sell them on to make a quick buck.

Don’t give them anything.