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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

746 replies

Marigo · 21/10/2019 14:31

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 21/10/2019 15:46

But how do you know that few minutes won’t make someone with a disability uncomfortable or soil themselves?

Sadly it seems there are a not that small minority of parents who think disabled facilities are there’s to use with no consideration for others but anyone who uses things like P and C spaces are the worst people ever!

Gilead · 21/10/2019 15:46

She has twin babies for goodness sake, and another child. If ever there was a need for someone to use a disabled loo for a quick wee, this is it. Double buggies dont fit through thin toilet doors, and doubt the on line ones do either.
As did I, and I can assure you even my big silver cross double buggy would fit in most ladies loos. It wouldn't go in the cubicles, but as I and others have said, end cubicle, door wedged slightly, nobody ever bothered me, my twins, or my 18 month old ds.

MustardScreams · 21/10/2019 15:47

This is why you leave sensible gaps between children.

You do not have a disability, you have kids. Work something else out that doesn’t negatively affect people with disabilities.

Schuyler · 21/10/2019 15:48

Actively going out of your way to buy something designed for people with disabilities, continence needs and other medical needs says a lot about you as a person.....and not in a good way.

I’m fed up of some entitled parents co-opting facilities that we disabled people worked hard to obtain (spaces on buses and toilets mainly). It’s so unbelievably selfish. I’m disabled and legitimately sometimes need the accessible toilets. However, I try to use the regular ones because I’d be mortified if someone had an accident while waiting. I know there aren’t enough accessible toilets and I cannot imagine the agony of being an adult soiling themselves in public. I wouldn’t want to add to that chance if there’s the option that I am physically able to walk into a regular cubicle. Yet, some entitled parent thinks they can?! For real??

I hate these threads. :( life is really hard for some people, you don’t need to go out of your way to make it harder for your convenience.

KnifeAngel · 21/10/2019 15:48

@Tabbymumz do what normal people do and leave the door ajar with the pushchair outside. I had two under two and managed to go to town all the time without ever using the disabled toilets.

ElizaDee · 21/10/2019 15:49

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children

You are being unreasonable. And selfish. And entitled.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 21/10/2019 15:49

This thread really concerns me as I have HFA and really struggle with bodily sensations, I.e. if I need a wee I need to go immediately or the feeling stresses me out. Also if the loos are really loud/busy this again causes me quite a lot of distress.

90% of the time the above isn’t an issue as I can use the ladies quickly without having to queue for a long time, but after reading some of the comments I’m worried I’m being unreasonable by the 10% of the time I use the disabled facilities!

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 15:50

"Women with young kids seem to have been managing to shop without pissing themselves in the street for the last several decades, so I'm not quite sure why you're any different."
That's probably because they've all been using radar keys. Radar keys have been available to buy for the last 20 years . Plus baby change are often in the disabled toilet, so they've been having a wee, after changing baby.

MustardScreams · 21/10/2019 15:51

Yes, every single woman with a baby has a radar key Hmm Wtf!

Wonkybanana · 21/10/2019 15:51

Those who 'nip in' and 'aren't more than 3 minutes', but use the disabled loo because there's a queue for the ladies' - ever thought that there's only no-one in the disabled loo because the other women in the queue are also bursting but are still waiting with their legs crossed so that the disabled loo is empty for those who have a disability?

I've also more than once waited outside the ladies' to look after a pram (with or without baby in it) while the mum took toddler into the loo, and a couple of weeks ago after I came out I went back in with a little girl (4ish) while her mum waited with the pram and baby outside. Girl could go to the loo on her own, but couldn't manage the lock and was afraid of getting trapped inside. I didn't know any of these mums but happy to help. No problem.

rainingallday · 21/10/2019 15:51

I despair for humanity when I read threads like this, I really do.

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 15:51

Knifeangel....my point was, often you cant get a double buggy through the main door. Not the cubicle door.

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 15:52

"Yes, every single woman with a baby has a radar keyWtf!"

Nobody said every single woman!!! I know plenty who do.

Sirzy · 21/10/2019 15:53

Then you need to big a better pram because I am yet to encounter a toilet door than is narrower than your average door you will meet out and about.

And not being able to make a sensible choice of pram still isn’t a disability!

x2boys · 21/10/2019 15:53

Boo HFA is a disability so.I'm not sure why you would be being unreasonable? .

SteelRiver · 21/10/2019 15:55

Are you kidding??? You're being thoughtless, selfish, unreasonable....
I'm sorry your own choice of having kids is a bit inconvenient at times. The people who need the facilities a disabled loo provides didnt get any choice in the matter. All those bars you see around the toilet are there for a bloody good reason - people like me cant get on & off the toilet without them. The alarm cord is there in case we have a fall and cant get up, or hurt ourselves. The extra space is needed to manoeuvre our wheelchairs, or need to have a companion to help us.
Please dont even think about abusing these facilities.

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 15:55

,"You do not have a disability, you have kids. Work something else out that doesn’t negatively affect people with disabilities"

She actually said she has slight incontinence after having the twins. That's a disability.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 21/10/2019 15:55

Those who 'nip in' and 'aren't more than 3 minutes', but use the disabled loo because there's a queue for the ladies' - ever thought that there's only no-one in the disabled loo because the other women in the queue are also bursting but are still waiting with their legs crossed so that the disabled loo is empty for those who have a disability?

This really worries me because my HFA is obviously not as urgent as someone who has Chrons, it just may cause me to have a meltdown, so I honestly don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable to use the disabled loos or not.

WWlOOlWW · 21/10/2019 15:56

While I dislike non-disabled people using the disabled toilet, I really dislike anyone (particularly someone who is disabled) deciding what a disabled person should look like.

KnifeAngel · 21/10/2019 15:56

@Tabbymumz I managed just fine with my McLaren side by side. Surely if it was any wider than a standard toilet main door then she wouldn't get it through the shop doors either.

As far all mum's having a radar key. You can't be serious.

BooFuckingHoo2 · 21/10/2019 15:58

@x2boys because my need is not as urgent as say someone in a wheelchair who physically can’t use the normal ladies loos Sad

Sooverthemill · 21/10/2019 15:58

You and your children are not disabled. I cannot see why you are 'conflicted'. You are thinking about cheating. I know it's hard with kids in buggy's but it's much harder being permanently disabled. Please do not do this

Akire · 21/10/2019 15:58

ITs up to parents to campaign for bigger family loos that don’t take away provision. But guess what no one wants to do that because it’s hard work. So they use wheelchair space on bus and use accessible loos for few years then they never have to think about it again. Mean while Disabled people have fight what’s meant for them on a permanent basis.

DriftingLeaves · 21/10/2019 15:59

I bought one on line when I broke my leg. It was the surgeon who told me to do it. We still kept it in the glove box for emergencies for years and now I need it again following cancer treatment.

I don't feel in the least bit guilty. I need it, the fact I bought it on Amazon is neither here nor there.

Roundtoedshoes · 21/10/2019 16:00

YANBU. If you are just going for a quick wee then it seems sensible. Even with a single buggy, the ladies toilets are often too narrow to accommodate them, and then do you really want to leave your children outside the cubicle? It probably would be fine, but it’s aggro.

I would suggest campaigning though in your local town to have toilets in with the baby changing facilities, that’s probably the ultimate solution.

I do think that disabled toilets and accessible toilets have become a bone of contention - mothers should be able to use them if there is a baby changing facility within them (and maybe even treat themselves to a wee after!) But they should be separate facilities as this will always be an issue.