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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

746 replies

Marigo · 21/10/2019 14:31

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 21/10/2019 15:08

So, your choices, and your inability to equip yourself properly, mean you think you are entitled to use facilities for the disabled?

You chose to have multiple children close together.
You have presumably chosen to go out with them, no ones booted you out and left you to fend for yourselves in the wild.
You have chosen to have bulky prams/pushchairs.

All these choices were yours, and now you find yourself inconvenienced, you choose to push that inconvenience onto others?

Yup, you are being unreasonable. Go out with a friend, order online, buy a smaller buggy, pee before you leave.

People like you are the REASON disabled toilets are locked during the day, have you ever considered how horrific it is that a disabled adult might have to go and find someone and ask to be allowed into the toilet, because its locked and they don't have a key on them? Just think about that for a bit yeah?

Bouncer4me · 21/10/2019 15:09

I use the disabled loo in our local spoons because the other loos are up stairs and I’m no way going to manage to hoick the pram up them. I try and go to Debenhams mostly though because their baby change setup is great with an adult toilet and a child one 😀
And my husband works full time so if I waited till he was off to go to town I’d be a serious recluse and that’s not healthy for me or my baby.
When I do use the disabled loo I’m only in there 3 minutes at the most.

starfishmummy · 21/10/2019 15:10

Ita already been said. Yabvvvvvvvu

JorisBonson · 21/10/2019 15:11

The self entitlement is unbelievable.

KnifeAngel · 21/10/2019 15:11

Please don't do it. I have Crohn's Disease and need to go immediately. When I had my two in the pushchair I would use the end cubicle and put the pushchair in front with the door open.

Gilead · 21/10/2019 15:13

Thehorse. I was referring to all those who believe that accessible means accessible to all.
As for your difficulties, despite my disability I managed my twins and 18 month old without resorting to putting other people in difficulty, and yes, it meant using the end cubicle and wedging it open, on occasion. None of my adult children are damaged by the experience. However, now my disability is significantly worse and your actions would in fact make life difficult, uncomfortable and potentially dangerous for me. But hey, you tell me to save it, I have Ulcerative Colitis among other things, being able to save it would be truly wonderful...

ImNotYourGranny · 21/10/2019 15:13

When I do use the disabled loo I’m only in there 3 minutes at the most.

Which could be 3 minutes of waiting in agony for a disabled person. But you crack on. Hmm

Gilead · 21/10/2019 15:15

When I do use the disabled loo I’m only in there 3 minutes at the most.
Long enough for me or Knife to shit ourselves then.

cactusthief · 21/10/2019 15:15

I hate it when shopping centres don’t have baby change facilities.

However, because I’m not a massive twatbasket I just change my children on the floor in a quiet place instead of using a disabled toilet when I am not disabled.

OP said there is a baby changeS. It doesn't have a toiletZ. This isn't even about the children

x2boys · 21/10/2019 15:17

You can buy them on Amazon for a couple of quid was in sure you know ,but why would you post a thread on here asking this question ?Hmm

PortiaCastis · 21/10/2019 15:17

When did people get so entitled just because they procreated, which is a choice being disabled isn't.

ilovesooty · 21/10/2019 15:18

Radar keys should only be available from approved sites not for selfish people without disabilities.

cactusthief · 21/10/2019 15:18

@MitziK

Brilliant reply!! I'm sorry for questioning your school/toilet relationship - I didn't think about everything else you have to do in your day Blush

lunar1 · 21/10/2019 15:19

People doing this are the reason my first husband felt scared to go out half the time. Stay home until your husband is free to help if that's what you need to do.

My husband certainly couldn't have gone out alone due to people with attitudes like this.

Dongdingdong · 21/10/2019 15:21

If disabled people have a need to use the facilities immediately and queuing isn't an option, then it sounds like there needs to be more disabled loos. I've never seen more than one anywhere, even in big galleries/concert halls etc.

my2bundles · 21/10/2019 15:23

Very often the disabled toilets that require a radar Keys have essential equipment inside for specific disabilitus. Eg a hoist and an adult size changing table . It's taken a very long time of campaigning to finally get these provisions in place. Ever had to change a disabled teen or adult on a dirty floor? For so many it was either this or remain housebound. The radar Keys and equipment is life changing for many people . Please don't abuses this by buying a key for a facility you don't need. People abuse these facilities, please don't.

KnifeAngel · 21/10/2019 15:23

@Dongdingdong you aren't getting the problem. If people like you who don't need them stopped using them then people like me who do on occasion need them then life would become easier.

TheSecretJeven · 21/10/2019 15:25

Go ahead but if you get stuck behind someone changing their ileostomy or colostomy bag (which requires a sink in the toilet area) then you could be there a long time. Enjoy your wait.

NotaGinlover · 21/10/2019 15:25

I agree that buying a key is completely unreasonable and non disabled people shouldnt use the disabled toilets if they cant help it but to those saying that they are going to have an accident and blaming it on a non disabled person using the disabled bathroom is a bit over the top. For all you know it could be someone with a disability in there before you so guilt tripping isnt really the best tactic here.

fantasmasgoria1 · 21/10/2019 15:26

I have sciatica and I'm in a lot of pain. If I am walking around for more than 10 minutes I start to struggle and limp. I use my stick for support as my sciatic leg is weaker than the other. Now in a shopping centre I use normal lavatories but if for example I'm in a wetherspoons where the toilet is upstairs I use the disabled because I hurt so bloody much by then I would struggle with the stairs. So if there are stairs and I'm hurting and limping I use the disabled toilet and I have ordered my own radar keys online. I on the fence with this, on one hand you and your children are not disabled but I know what a struggle with children it can be and the disabled toilets are usually a bit more roomy than the baby change but in the disabled there isn't somewhere you can lay a baby down to change them.

TabbyMumz · 21/10/2019 15:27

I think people are being slightly unfair. Very often the baby changing facilities are in the disabled toilet. Radar keys are sold on line to make it easier for people with disabilities to use the disabled toilet, so they dont have to get permission from someone to have one. I've often nipped into the disabled toilet if there is no one to be seen wanting it, no harm done. Often I have a disabled family member with me, and I cant leave them alone too long whilst I queue up for the ladies.

TequilaPilates · 21/10/2019 15:28

Long enough for me or Knife to shit ourselves then.

Me too. Or pass out because some weird cross over between crohns, hEDS and POTS now means if I have to wait for the toilet my BP crashes and I faint. But, you know, clearly mother, 3 children and ginormous buggy are more important.

Original poster
Marigo · 21/10/2019 15:28

Spontaneous twins aren’t really a lifestyle choice. And the effects of a twin pregnancy on my continence and control aren’t a disability but do make leaving the house without being certain of being able to use the loo quite stressy.

I know it’s not what disabled loos are for but I can’t really see another solution. I wouldn’t use it to change nappies. I wish any of the baby change places in my local town had a loo!

OP posts:
KnifeAngel · 21/10/2019 15:30

@Marigo the solution is what many many parents do. Use the end cubicle and position the pushchair in front. Why are you different to anyone else?

Hedgehogblues · 21/10/2019 15:30

*I’m disabled, and am fine with people with prams and young children using the disabled loo.

It’s an accessible toilet - there for people who have difficulty using the regular toilets for any reason, which obviously you do.

Buy a radar key, use the toilets as quickly as you can. If you see somebody heading towards the toilet that you guess needs it more than you do, then wait till they’re done. Stop using it when your children are bigger.

No problem*

I am also disabled and I agree with all of this