...to buy radar key online to use disabled loo?

[Marigo]

I’m not disabled and neither are any of my children, however I’m often out with my 3 under 2.5 and in our local shopping centre loos there’s no toilet in the baby change. The ladies is impossible with double buggy plus buddy board and the disabled requires a radar key. Same for the loos in the two big department stores so I just can’t go out into town unless it’s the weekend and my husband can come in case I need a wee! I’m struggling to leave the house for this stress but my mom is disabled and I know how shit it is when she can’t use the large cubicle she needs. I’m really conflicted about what to do.

It dicks like you that make my life harder.

As a person with an invisible disability, who had to spend 10 minutes hanging onto a wall outside the disabled loo, unable to wait in a long queue at an airport for the normal loo last weekend(due to a knee that suddenly dislocated - hEDS), I'd not be impressed if a mum and kids and a giant buggy( personal choice) piled out of the disabled loo.

As it was, the 20 something who danced out of it, makeup bag in hand - blushed furiously when she saw me struggling to stand while waiting for her to primp in a bigger space. So no invisible or obvious disability there , just a git who didn't want to inconvenience herself.

So yes YABU.
Don't. It's selfish and your own fault for buying a giant stroller.
It's bad enough having a disability anyway, and there very few "perks" one of which is easy access to a loo, if you're lucky.

0/10

I've seen women leave those big buggies at the door and just take the kids in the ladies. Can you not do that? Or is it that you're alone and can't in case someone nicks it/stuff in it? It is a shame you feel you need the disabled one but there's no way to stop you if you done it. If there's really no solution I wouldn't blame you, you can hardly pee in the street, after all!

I can’t go to the toilet if I’m out with my son because he’s too big to come into the ladies now and too severely disabled to be left outside. It’s annoying but not impossible.

YABU

Ever heard of online shopping? Surely shopping centre with 3 under 2.5 is a nightmare whether you need the toilet or not.

YABVU

I hate it when shopping centres don’t have baby change facilities.

However, because I’m not a massive twatbasket I just change my children on the floor in a quiet place instead of using a disabled toilet when I am not disabled.

Do you have a mothercare or a John Lewis in your shopping centre? These are usually pretty good at having a baby changing area with a small toilet in it.

You chose to have 3 children (or 2 if you have twins). You chose to use that particular buggy. A person with mobility or continence issues did not choose to have them but will still have to wait for the loo, because of your choices.

YABVU and rather entitled too.

DH had a radar key from Amazon - he needed it because he had lung cancer and couldn't do stairs. I still have it now, but wouldn't use it, because I know how stressful it is if you are disabled and the only cubicle you can use isn't available because someone who doesn't need to is using it.

YABU

Go to the toilet before you leave the house

If only it were that easy...

The larger toilets with an enclosed sink and door opening outwards are more accessible than standard rows of cubicles with a row of sinks.

If the other toilets in town don't enable you to use them with your children safely within your sight, then I think you need to use an accessible one.

It isn't your fault that the bathroom provision doesn't meet your current accessibility needs, to be completely frank.

I had two children close together, and I well remember actually being in pain because I couldn't find a suitable loo or perching with the door open in the cubicle at the end hoping that no-one would go past. Even bloody family friendly IKEA didn't have a toilet in their baby change cubicle.

I didn't have a radar key but did use an accessible toilet if it was available because it was the only one that I could actually use either with a double buggy or a single and baby in a sling.

No, dd would not quietly wait outside in the buggy before anyone asks.

FFS. The Accessible Toilet is NOT there for all and sundry. It is accessible for those with a disability. Those without a disability have appropriated and stretched the definition of accessible for their own convenience. Again.

Near me they seem to put the baby change in the disabled loo most places so you don't get a choice.

YABU and you know it, starting a thread to get a reaction is not in the spirit

Let me guess, twins is it...?
Always with the twins...

Plan your trip around places like Debenhams which have family toilets.

Many disabled people have conditions which impact their continence. Don’t be a dick and make them have more problems than they need simply because of your lack of advance planning.

I think it would be unreasonable to use a RADAR key to get into a disabled loo if you are not disabled. RADAR keys are for the disabled, not necessarily blue badge holders but definitely for people with recognised disabilities.

It's a bit different when the loos contain the baby changing facilities and are marked "accessible".

You really shouldn't do this. You know that though, as you say your mother is disabled and you know how difficult this could make life for people like her.

Don't do it.

I do have some sympathy with your struggles though. There are not enough proper facilities for parents with young children. All too often the baby changers have been in the disabled toilet anyway, and still sometimes can be.

I like the system that seems to have been adopted in one of our local towns now. The public toilet block was replanned and as opposed to small cubicles it is now a long row of about 10 or 12 separate rooms which are each almost the size of a standard accessible toilet. There is a larger one on each end which is actually for disabled people. It works really well as far as I can see and I just wish it had been like that when my children were babies.

If you're referring to me Gilead then save it. I do have a disability but not one that requires me to use an accessible toilet. The only time I ever have used an accessible toilet is when I had two young children in tow who wouldn't wait quietly outside a regular cubicle and I couldn't get the narrow Maclaren buggy in so that I could have a wee with the baby in a sling.

If regular toilets were more accessible, of course I would have used them. My disability doesn't mean that I need access to accessible toilet, but having young children did.

my 3 under 2.5

Whilst that’s a lot to handle, it’s a lifestyle choice on your behalf and not a disability.

I think if you do this, you need to really consider how your actions may impact disabled people. Having 3 young children with you in tow will mean that you will naturally take longer in the bathroom and not be straight in/out, so someone with a genuine need has to unnecessarily wait longer. It goes without saying but you need to make sure you leave the bathroom in a clean condition too, that means cleaning up after your children if necessary. These are the some of the reasons the radar key system was introduced to begin with, to stop the general public misusing disabled facilities.

Dongdingdong yes unless you are able to tell the future, you were lucky then but you may affect someone next time though

Really?! So no one on MN has ever nipped into the disabled loo if they’re desperate for a wee? I must have been in there for three minutes max and no one was around.

Before school: 'Miss! Miss! Miss!', phones ringing, parents wanting to sort out that Jimmy looked at Andrew funny and it's a symptom of inadequate safeguarding and a concerted campaign of harassment and what are YOU going to do about it RIGHT NOW, calls that Freddie isn't going to be in school today because his arm aches from having to write for two twenty minute tests and has to be supervised to take paracetamol, other staff wanting you to confirm that yes, you've received the email, yes, you've emailed such and such already and yes, it cannot be sorted out any other way. Attempt to nip to the loo, there are three people waiting outside, have to give it a miss until break.
Breaktime: 'Miss! Miss! Miss!'. Two people waiting outside the loo and one in there with stomach issues, it's 3 minutes until the start of lessons and you're needed the other side of the site to 'greet students as they walk in'.
Lunchtime: Lunch Duty, clubs, 'Miss! Miss! Miss!'. Caught by a playground dispute which takes until 1 minute before the bell rings.
After School: 'Miss! Miss! Miss!', detentions, parents phoning because you haven't replied to the email they sent five minutes previously and whilst you're here, can we discuss James' future admission to the Royal College of Music and can you do anything about the wicked music tutor who told him off for attempting to insert a ukulele that he cannot play for love nor money into Adam's orifices, then Adam's parents phoning because somebody attempted to shove a ukulele up an orifice and 'Miss! Miss! Miss!' and an email from SLT saying 'No hurry, but I want this done in the next 8 minutes'... Queue for the toilet is five deep and if you stay any longer, that Assistant Head outside will be in here, spot you and will 'just need to discuss the comments in your reply for a minute. And it's not right to dash off, as SLT are here until 9.30pm each night, you know. And we're here by 6am, you know.'

That kind of thing.

In any case, no member of staff has ever pissed themselves even on the busiest days, so I'm pretty sure that 4 hrs between pees is enough time when there are no other medical issues that would have been mentioned in a post about using a disabled toilet for convenience.