To not want to have sex

[Cloudsandrainbows]

So I had a row last night with DH, he wanted to have sex I didn't. Is there something wrong with me? We've been married 5 years have 2 kids, primary school age, and 10month old. I'm just not interested! It's not always that I'm tired, although aren't we all?! I'm just struggling to feel in the mood.
He bangs on about when we were first together and I would touch him up in the kitchen and it would be exciting, and we'd have sex sometimes more than once 😯, and at least 5 days a week. Am I being unreasonable to say he can't expect it to be like that anymore?!
I had a terrible birth with my first and she was 9 months old before we had sex again, (he was very good and understanding at this point) but for me it just isn't the same, but I don't think he understands. I feel he is pressurising me now, and he has a go at me if I don't come rushing when he comes home. I'm usually knee deep in nappies or in the middle of cooking dinner, but he thinks I'm making excuses. He has also commented several times about me not wearing all the nice underwear I used to....and when shopping for some new winter boots he keeps picking up high heels. I just want something comfy, I'm doing the shopping and school run, I don't want to wear heels! The pressure and constant crude comments are really making me upset, and the pressure is making it harder for me to enjoy it. I do it to shut him up most of the time and it can take a long time for me to get into the swing of it and start enjoying it, but most of the time I'm just hoping it's over quickly! What do I do???

StormTreader

In her posts the op has mentioned quite a few times that they can't afford things so I'm not sure how you can say he's doing overtime for extra money that they don't need?

Op was talking about training to be a TA but said that they wouldn't be able to afford it, says they can't afford marriage counseling or to go out on dates and also works 3 evenings a week in a supermarket and says her DH is doing overtime so that she doesn't have to with her back problem, so maybe their financial situation is more precarious then you are assuming?

Do you know what job her husband does? Only you seem convinced that he's sitting comfortably at work while op works her socks off at home but he might have a manual job outside in the cold and rain, rather than sitting comfortably.

He has a good job, it does involve some physical aspects, he has his fingers in a lot of pies at work. I've always felt he's not very well appreciated by his employer, as there are (so he tells me) several things only he can do which is why he often has to stay late or work extra as his workload is increasing and there is nobody to help with it.
I do think we are comfortable enough financially, we have a pretty average 3 bed house with a mortgage and no other debts. Manage to run 2 cars, and the kids don't go without, but equally I don't spoil them. We can afford the odd date night, but nothing lavish like nights away in London on a regular basis. We could afford a holiday but DH is worried about affording a new car so nothing ended up getting booked.
I think quite a lot of people need to borrow money to buy big things like cars, but he refuses to get any finance, he doesn't like owing money. If we don't ha e the money in the bank we don't have it, which is fair enough.
My dad is having the kids this weekend but he is working. I didn't make an argument but I'm annoyed he has chosen to work, when he had an opportunity for a date night within touching distance! We also have a family meal Sunday afternoon, but he won't come as he says he will be too tired from working 7 days. Which I understand, but he has all of next week off and it's not like we have family meals often!
I'm currently debating what to do for his upcoming birthday. I was thinking a night away as I've been saving for holiday that probably won't happen but don't want it to be chucked back in my face of he has to work!

There are a couple of things that seem odd

1. appreciated at work - why do you feel that does he tell you that? Because it really does link does it not to your issue that he needs a song and a dance routine to feel appreciated. But that is not how the world works and is very telling of his personality

2. that there are bits only he can do. Again I suspect alongside the concept that he has many fingers in pies this is all his personality talking and the need to feel the best and in charge

3. the holiday and new car. So you can’t do anything now in case he needs a new car. How do you live like that. Do you have a mortgage or is that finance to

4. family meal really he is too tired. No he just can’t be bothered he could if he wanted to. No one needs to work 7 days he is choosing to

This all speaks volumes about him and how he sees himself and it’s not a positive thing

And please a night away for his birthday spending it on him when he doesn’t do the same as you
Why is he leaving you alone when he works huge red flag are you sure that he is working

He is definately working, I am friends with his bosses wife, he couldn't lie about that, plus he is a rubbish liar, always has been.
I am trying to get our relationship back on track, but it seems now everyone is judging his motives and personality.
We do have a mortgage, but that is the only finance we have. He has always been one to worry about money, and what if's. I can tell his heart is in the right place, but he just doesn't see things he way I do. I know he wants to give me everything, and that's why he's doing he overtime, so we can afford the car, the flooring, the holiday, and for me to not do any extra nights at work. I am not the demanding wife I may sound, I'm not expecting all these things, but would be nice, however he takes things to heart very easily, so me moaning about our knackered floor...just venting as you do...he seems to translate into pressure for him to cough up and replace it right now! It's needs doing there's no doubt, but it's livable, and I accept we may have to save a bit for it.