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Original poster

To never want to share food with DH again?

282 replies

NewNameOnSunday · 20/10/2019 15:07

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

OP posts:
WelshMoth · 20/10/2019 19:21

This sounds utterly exhausting OP. You're DH is trying to micro-manage a fundamental basic in your lives. At the moment, you're baby is being breastfed - imagine the control he'll exert when your baby progresses to solids and treat food.

This doesn't bode well. What's your plan?

Karabair · 20/10/2019 19:24

Do you think he loves you OP? Have you asked yourself that question? It doesn't sound like he does.

How did he end up being a SAHD whilst you're still breastfeeding?

PerkyPomPoms · 20/10/2019 19:26

You need to take control. Say you choose your packetnof biscuits for the week and I will choose mine. Buy a multipack of crisps. Put hem in a giant baggie for each of you and tell him you’ll eat your HALF of the treat, your treats, when you like through the week and that you won’t touch his. And hold the line.

Mumof21989 · 20/10/2019 19:28

Sorry but this is weird. Since when do people do this. Surely you get a portion of something when you want it. I understand on a cake or something occasionally. I sometimes joke that my oh is greedy if he munches through a pack of biscuits but I'm joking lol.

ShadowOnTheSun · 20/10/2019 19:30

Sorry OP, in the kindest possible way, but why are you putting up with this shit? You're a grown up independent smart woman, just why? You tried talking to him nicely, did you? Well, it didn't work, so time for a FUCK YOU, YOU DICKHEAD convo.

Telling you to ASK HIM before you eat something? FUCK THAT. Makes me so angry to even read it. It's humiliating, he's not your owner/master to throw you scraps from his table and give you permission to eat it. Tell him that and don't mince words, don't put up with this. If nice/normal talking doesn't work, tell him that he's being a twat, a tightwad (with YOUR money), a control-freak, a weirdo and you refuse to listen to him any more. From now on, if he cannot shut up, he buys 2 items of each and you don't give a shit that he 'prefers to share', you want your own tub of ice cream (or 2, or 3, or as much as you want) and you eat whenever you want and as much as you like. If he doesn't like it, he's free to fuck off. And it's not you, who 'doesn't have a sense of humour', it's him who is an absolute idiot. Seriously.

I admit, I'm weird about sharing too. Just don't like eating from the same bag/tub and cannot explain why. I'm not greedy, I just don't like it. But instead of bitching and crying about it, I buy two of each like a normal adult. Everyone's happy.

ambereeree · 20/10/2019 19:35

Is he happy about being a sahp? Sounds like he's trying to control the treats that is bought with money you earned. What's he like with other spending? Can you buy what you want without asking?

Rosielily · 20/10/2019 19:36

Why are you being tested for ASD? Did he suggest that?

PickAChew · 20/10/2019 19:41

I'm sure he enjoys you getting flustered and upset but how would he react if you very coldly turned round and said I am not a four year old. I will eat what I want and I will eat it when I want it.

cheesydoesit · 20/10/2019 19:41

I have absolutely nothing to say except that I would be thinking very hard about whether you want a man this weird and controlling in your child's home as they grow. Whether you want them seeing this, and you being subject to this total nutjob and his rules.

And I'd be rethinking him being SAHD very very rapidly. Decide it's not working and for fuck's sake get him OUT of the role of primary carer - because right now, if you did decide to walk (and I think you should, asap) - as it stands, he'd keep your child.

I think Fizzygreenwaters post bears repeating.

You say your DS is young, how young? Has DH's behaviour always been this way and gotten worse since you were pregnant/had DS?

It sounds like a horrible drip, drip effect that will eventually cripple you with insecurity and self doubt as I suspect is his intention.

Wynston · 20/10/2019 19:45

Please divide the share out equally......and then lick his share!!

CodenameVillanelle · 20/10/2019 19:59

He needs some therapy for his food and control issues. If he doesn't take responsibility for them immediately and seek help then you really should think about leaving him. This is no life

blackteasplease · 20/10/2019 20:13

Exh used to get take away to share ad then eat as much as he could as quickly as possible. He could see it was more than his fair share.

ControversialFerret · 20/10/2019 20:14

Erm, he wants to you ask permission before eating?

This is not normal, or healthy.

TigerJoy · 20/10/2019 20:15

OP, if I were you I would start buying my own bloody treats and eating them whenever I want. What happens if you do this? Does he get nasty or just pissy?

Lots of other people have commented saying he is controlling (absolutely) and abusive (only you know this).

What i would do is just say he has lost the right to share treats with you due to his behaviour. You buy your own ice cream. He doesn't want his own? Fine, he doesn't have any. He is perfectly capable of buying his own.

Buy all the bloody treats you like and eat them when you fancy. I genuinely don't understand what is stopping you - if it's trying to keep the peace, well that's long gone, hasn't it, if you're having screaming rows about it?

You are comfortable with your weight and what you want to eat. Don't let him make this into a drama - just ignore him. If he gives you the side eye about eating ice cream in the middle of the day, stay calm and ignore it.

I recommend having a lot in stock just in case. I know I have some eating issues about getting my fair share but I deal with that by making sure we always have lots of everything.

Good luck

ScruffGin · 20/10/2019 20:21

I'd be tempted to buy my own treats, hide them, and refuse all of the "joint" ones, and have yours when he's not there... See what he says then!

yellowallpaper · 20/10/2019 20:23

Reminds me of exH who refused to give me one single chip off his plate. I didn't want a huge plate of chips, just a couple off his plate but you'd think I was asking for his spleen

FinallyHere · 20/10/2019 20:25

Having read all the way through, I would burst out in incredulous laughter any times he comes with any of this nonsense.

And make sure I had plans in place.

TooManyPaws · 20/10/2019 20:27

He'll completely screw up your children's relationship with food. My father's behaviour and criticism led to a total lack of self esteem and mental ill health. Do you want that for your children? Far better that they be in childcare and coming home to a normal relaxed household than spending their days with a controlling bully who will screw them up for life.

Cherrysoup · 20/10/2019 20:39

I'd hate that. I'd refuse to share. When he offers next time just say no thank you, you have it all, every time I share with you, you zapp all the joy out of it.

Every time, he needs it seriously reinforced.

You say YOU’RE being assessed for ASD?! Because he sounds very fixated, which is something I’ve seen countless times with ASD children.

I echo @Wonkybanana and other pps who think you need to try to re-consider the SAHD situation, although this is easier said than done.

The sharing situation and his desire to control when you have treats is utterly unacceptable. Break out of the mould, have what you want when you want it. Don’t listen to him telling you or making you feel bad. He has no right. Remind him of that, frequently.

Lilo1206 · 20/10/2019 20:41

Best way to share:one divides and the other one chooses their half.

EKGEMS · 20/10/2019 20:44

This is where the term death by chocolate comes from! 😜 No seriously though he has severe psychological issues and needs to go lay on someone's couch for a few sessions with a doctor who enjoys a challenge

TheFurminator · 20/10/2019 20:47

Holy crap love that's one abusive arsehole right there.

I too would like some background on how you got together, how he came to be the SAHP while your baby is still being breastfed, what his job and earning power was like before, where the idea that you be tested for ASD has come from etc. I'd also like to know what you mean by "you share childcare" if he is the SAHD - what are your arrangements there? Does he actually look after DS full time or do you put him into childcare for some of the time (and if so how much time)? Does he do any house work/cooking/lifemin or is that all on you/cleaner paid for by you?

I feel like this controlling and abusive man has identified a successful but emotionally vulnerable woman, targeted her, rushed her into a relationship and then once you are "trapped" by a baby he has downed tools and is really working on entrenching his control over you to ensure he gets everything he wants including total power over you. I am assuming a lot but that's my feeling.

boabab · 20/10/2019 20:50

Huge packets of crisps and tubs of ice cream ..the idea of having makes me feel nauseous.. sounds like he is doing you a favour lol

TheFurminator · 20/10/2019 20:52

If I were you I would either leave him now or if you want to give it a chance I would make serious changes to the work:childcare ratio in your life or you will be stuck working to support him to raise your child if and when he takes it into his head to leave you or you break and leave him. Tell him you want to spend more time with DC and so will be going down to 2/3 days a week - if you make as much money as you do you can tell him you can well afford it as a family if you economise. He has not got a leg to stand on telling you not to - if he's worried about money you can sweetly point out to him you being around more frees him up to work part time.

TheFurminator · 20/10/2019 20:52

Way to miss the effing point @boababHmm