To never want to share food with DH again?

[NewNameOnSunday]

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

[Raspberrytruffle]

Sorry I meant if he touches your treat he dies

[MitziK]

Ummmm...could he be trying to make your milk supply fail?

Because a baby that isn't BF is a lot easier to get residence for, especially if its mother is also being portrayed as mentally incapable by virtue of being Autistic/unstable to the extent that a statement says 'She was unwilling to look after the baby and I was forced into the position of having to be both mother and father to the child. And look, here's a recording of her getting hysterical about eating'.


I wonder if he's the one playing the long game here, rather than just being a bit of a dick. He gets the house, he gets the maintenance, he gets funded to get ratarsed. He gets the baby.

[coconutpie]

Yes OP, I'm wondering why you are waiting on an ASD assessment .... who put that idea in your head? Was it him?

Also, I'm assuming your baby is still quite young - did you only recently go back to work after maternity leave so how long has he been a SAHD? When did he stop working? I'd be looking to get him back to work ASAP because otherwise he'll be the primary caregiver when you split. You can look into nursery options?

You're in a controlling, abusive relationship. You need to get out.

[Karabair]

You might not be far off the mark Mitzi, chlling as what you're suggesting sounds. He's got himself into a very nice situation, a woman under his control, supporting him, whilst he abuses her.

What's he going to do? Hit you?

He might. He's controlling and abusive, and controlling and abusive men are happy to resort to violence if it will get them what they want.

[GettingABitDesperateNow]

This is really odd. It reminds me of the relationship I had with my sibling when we were both under 10, it's not about the extra crisp, its about 'winning'.
One splits, the other one chooses was the rule we accepted.
Otherwise buy two of stuff?

[Karabair]

Did you have to ask permission to your sibling to eat though Getting? If not it's really not the same.

Controlling bodily functions and needs like eating is one of the items in the abuser's handbook. It is at the extreme end, because it's such a personal invasion.

[MissDew]

I've tried asking him before if we can get separate stuff. He said he likes sharing with me as otherwise it feels like we're roommates not a couple.

I've just told him again thatI don't want to share with him and he should eg buy two tubs of ice cream because I can't take this. He said he doesn't want his own tub of ice cream

I'm only on page 2 so I fully admit I've not RTFT however he is determined to share with you (on his say so, of course) so he can be a bitch about you getting your share.

If he has his own and you have your own he can't police what you have and that would spoil his fun. Do it and see if he finds some other way of controlling you and putting you down.

[Milanimilani]

I used to have a man who tried to control what I ate. In the end, I was terrified to eat at all around him. You really have to think about this relationship. Are you happy? I know you have a lo, but what messages are they getting from this about how to treat others?

[MaxNormal]

I really think you should leave this horrible abusive man but PPs make a good point about residency so that's something to look at before you do anything.
He's beyond controlling. It's quite chilling.

[PippiDeLena]

coconutpie

Yes OP, I'm wondering why you are waiting on an ASD assessment .... who put that idea in your head? Was it him?

Also, I'm assuming your baby is still quite young - did you only recently go back to work after maternity leave so how long has he been a SAHD? When did he stop working? I'd be looking to get him back to work ASAP because otherwise he'll be the primary caregiver when you split. You can look into nursery options?

You're in a controlling, abusive relationship. You need to get out.

I agree 100% with this. Your posts are actually chilling. He sounds completely abusive, and he's maneuvered himself into a real position of power over you. Please continue to breastfeed, send your child to nursery and stop him from being a SAHD. He's really got the whip hand over you here and, disturbing though the food thing is, it should really be the least of your worries.

[MissDew]

I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanted to make sure that I get some too." He says he can't remember this happening that often but he does it at least once a week.

Should you have done something to deserve getting any of the treat food ? In his opinion, should you have earned the treat/s ? I'm getting a sense of, 'why should you get any ?' With regard to his frankly awful nasty controlling behaviour.

[Jux]

He knows just what he's doing, and he's doing it deliberately. He's either a really nasty bastard or thick as pig shit - which?

[MissDew]

Erm, he wants to you ask permission before eating?

This is not normal, or healthy.

So he actually expects you to say, 'please may I have ?' or, 'is ok if I eat.....?' Or, 'please may I finish the last of the...……?' or, 'would it be ok if I opened the...……..?

I am astonished a) at his behaviour b) at his level of distrust of you.

[nedflandereses]

I'd eat whatever I wanted and tell him to fuck off. Child goes to nursery, he gets job. You divorce him because he's a controlling cunt.

[MissDew]

The best response I've read on this thread was the one which advised the OP to say, 'the next time you bitch about sharing food will end with a discussion about how to share finances and child care arrangements during our divorce talks.'

(I've looked for the post but could not find it)

[MissDew]

He says he can't remember this happening that often but he does it at least once a week.

Can't remember is MIL speak for, 'I'm not talking about it.' I suspect that's what's happening with him.

Ask him if he's suffering from amnesia or an undiagnosed memory problem.

[AryaStarkWolf]

Not much to add that hasn't already been said OP, but what a weirdo he is. I couldn't live like that :/

[MissDew]

DH is always buying food...…….

It's just dawned on me what's going on. He considers it his property. It's pretty much canine, 'guarding behaviour.' That's why he expects you to ask for any. You second guessing yourself about having some when he's not around to ask makes me gasp with astonishment. He's being grudging with it.

OK, two wrongs don't make a right but you could say, 'you paid for that did you ? With money that I earned ?'

[CountFosco]

If the OP is BFing a small baby and works PT then he wouldn't get residency surely? Baby needs to stay with her until weaned surely (hope you believe in natural term BFing OP).

I know this is not really in the spirit since he seems particularly controlling but maybe you should start buying these chocolate bars.

[Durgasarrow]

Good for you for being aware of this bullshit and putting a stop to it. Many women aren't aware and it gets to be a slow drip, drip, drip. Go out and buy your own and don't share it. Or go buy two containers of ice cream and label them his and hers.

[Karabair]

I would really like to know why he's got his breastfeeding wife out working whilst he avoids getting a job. Most men step up to the plate when they become fathers and provide. That sounds like another element of abuse to me.

[Inthemoment38]

My exDP was awful to share food with. For example if we had a bowl of crisps in front of us while watching tv he would perch on the edge of the sofa and scoff as fast as he could as if I was going to take all the crisps any second and his life depended on eating them. Also similar scenes with bags of sweets at the cinema etc. It was an early warning sign of a very, very nasty tight attitude to money which I ultimately broke up with him over.

[Lulualla]

@Karabair

I'm going to take offence to that. Women do not become incapable of working after having kids. They don't all want to give up their careers. She earns more. She wants to work. Someone needs to take care of the baby so he stays home.It's really quite unbelievable for you to say that women who want to work whilst their partners stay home are being abused. This isn't 1950. Women can work. Men can stay at home. It doesn't havnt anything to do with the rest of it. What you're saying is that he should be getting a job and she should be staying home. No thanks; women are just as capable of being tbe breadwinner as men.

[Karabair]

Did the OP say she wanted to work whilst he stayed at home. I did miss that if she did.

People are rightly saying that she's very vulnerable if he's the primary carer at the moment given how abusive and controlling he is. Breastfeeding babies do need their mothers, that's a physical fact of life and has been going on a lot longer than 1950.

[Smelborp]

He does sound very controlling and it sounds like he’s doing this on purpose OP.

It also sounds like he waited for you to eat the treat, waited to notice it missing and then ask for it. You don’t have to share every treat thing 50/50 you know.

I wouldn’t accept his way as the ‘right’ way of doing things.