To never want to share food with DH again?

[NewNameOnSunday]

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

Wow. Some pp mention it must come from his childhood- as far as the op is concerned I don’t think she should give a fuck where it comes from but it has to stop. Tell him it stops here, There are separate treats cupboards, its none of his business whats in yours, and you eat what you want whenever you want. If he can’t cope he has to get counselling not take it out on you .
And set yourself a goal of minimum 5 days a week visibly eating something from your cupboard at a time that suits you. You’ll know if your marriage is saveable.
(That might be more treats than you want - just make them small ones! A few m&ms....)

Buy your own stuff. So when he brings out something "to share" say "oh no cheers I'll use my own, you use yours". The fucking weirdo.

You weigh your portions? This is mega depressing.

As PP says, whose idea was testing you for ASD? Are you attempting to prove to someone that you're NT? Who? Why?

He sounds like an abusive controlling prick who is making you doubt your own mind so he can continue to be more controlling and abusive.

If it really is limited to snack food then just tell him your current set up isn't working- separate snack food from now on. Too bad if he prefers his idea of 'sharing', it's unpleasant for you and so it ends.

See how he copes with losing this form of control. It will tell you a lot about him.

I agree - see what happens when you refuse to engage in these games.

Get your own enormous bag of crisps and punch him in the face tell him to bog off if he tries to eat any of them. Eat the whole lot just to spite him.

unfortunately Op, i don't think that this is going to be an isolated thing. His exerting control over when you eat and wanting you to ask permission raises massive red flags. depressingly this is the second time this evening that i've posted a link to this website

www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/abusive-relationships/controlling-behaviour.htm

please have a read through of the signs of controlling/abusive behaviour and if you need to, PLEASE get help

He sounds awful. Controlling and obnoxious.

I’m not sure there’s an answer other than leaving, but in the meantime, I think you should tell him “From now on, I am going to eat whatever I want, when I want to eat it. I will not be entering into any discussion about my food intake or eating habits.” And then do your best to ignore him.

This is genuinely no way to live I’d consider leaving for this, he doesn’t have any redeeming qualities does he @NewNameOnSunday and YOU are paying for these things too!!

He's controlling and abusive and gaslighting.

He's bullied and policed your food intake to the poibt where he's succeeded in getting you, an adult and the mother of his child, walking on eggshells and agonising about eating some fucking crisps.

He's going to give your children eating disorders.

It sounds like there's a lot of resentment in your relationship. Like both of you feel if one of you takes one more fucking thing from the other, even a crisp, the whole thing will implode. This doesn't sound like a happy relationship at all.

Buy your own snacks.

Eat them whenever you want. Eat as much of them at a time as you want.

Who gives a single fuck what he 'expects'?? You're tolerating this absolute bullshit and crying about it won't help. Get ANGRY and INSIST on doing it this way from now on as 'sharing' with him is such a miserable fucking experience. Give yourself a shake and take back some control!

Just cut out the sharing food. A sure fire way to pile on the pounds anyway.

Somehow your food fights have turned into siblings fighting for a fair share each.
You in weighing out the dishes have egged him on, and made it OK for him to say no your looks like more.
There is deep resentment on both sides and the food is one aspect of this.
Tell him you are both adults and should he wish to share an item with you, let him have a few more it does not mean the end of the world if he has the last spoonful.
If you want to eat the bit remaining in the bag the next day, eat it, if he comments tell him there is a cupboard full of treats , he can choose something else .
Eat your ice cream when you want, so long as you leave some out of a full time fine, tell him that it is going in your mouth, and you are not forcing him to eat at lunchtime, as an adult free choice is allowed.

Sorry.... some out of a full tub.

This sounds absolutely miserable. I am so sorry you are having to live like this.
You and your son deserve so much better

Fuck that. Seperate snack and buy your own. I could not put up with that shit. You know if you have some today there will be a problem and he'll hitch- which is fecking ridiculous. I also wouldn't be forced into eating ice cream or anything at a time I didn't want to. Is this the only area he's an arsehole in? I couldn't stand being constantly judged by a whiny shit of an adult who things he hasn't got his 'share'. I would rather never eat the sodding crisps or ice cream again to be honest. Or buy multiple zip lock bags. Weigh out the snacks exactly, then label the back with yours and your toddler husbands name. I'd do the same with ice cream and leave 'mine' in a resealable tub and he can do as he wishes.

This is just....

I seriously can't believe that you do as you're told by him all the time.

Each time you go to get something to eat, and he comes to hover and control you, just tell him to go away and leave you alone.

What's he going to do? Hit you?

No.

So tell him to clear off and mind his own business.

What you eat - AND PAY FOR!!!! - has zero to do with him!

@minesagin37

....way to miss the point...

I wouldnt even try buying your own treats and hiding them.
How would he react? He's abusive enough as it is.. I would leave!

Those saying 'I would leave' have you considered that as SAHP he would be in line for residency and maintenance? Who would want that control transferred to DC?

My heart goes out to @NewNameOnSunday

It is never easy to recognise when you are being abused. Recognition of what is actually happening and that it is not.the.fault of the victim is always difficult and is absolutely the first, necessary step towards help.

Being the breadwinner, notionally with financial power but still then subject to abuse from the SAHP must make for an even more difficult situation, with the feelings of guilt and shame that arise, no matter how undeservedly. Let us hope that this is another tragic situation where the lens of MN can make some contribution towards recognition and ultimately escape.

Maybe you should qualify things.
Can I have a few of your crisps.
Which means you take some not half.
I have put the snacks away, take what you want, we can get more when they are gone.
So you stop caring if he eats more.
Buy two bars of chocolate and replace when you see one has gone, same with ice cream.
If you stop wanting a 50% share then you remove his power. Deliberately put a bit extra in yours, If he see you have more give then him an extra one so he has to shut up.
Win the war , not just one battle.

If he thinks a half is an eighth then I'd suggest he doesn't know portion sizes and he should dish it up himself

Just buy your own and tell him they are yours, if he touches them he does. You do not wish to share because of his pigish controlling behaviour end if, if he starts justifying it put your hand up and shush him and say I'm not interested in what you have to say and fluence off. Now that's how you do it