To never want to share food with DH again?

[NewNameOnSunday]

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

[3luckystars]

I just caught up now. Yes mean in every room in the house and she is the only one earning.

So it's a total mystery.

[legoninjago1]

Everything he is doing and saying is absolutely fucked up OP. Nothing funny or quirky about it. Absolutely awful. I couldn't stand it. It sounds like you know it's over.

[Chivers53]

That's so controlling, what's his relationship like with food? Cripes, I'd just buy my own and eat them when I wanted; are you worried about what he would do if you did? As that's concerning.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Very, Why on earth would you say that? What about people who choose not to eat all of their treats in one go? Would rather spread them out?

Your comment smacks of control in itself. OP (and other women/men) have agency to regulate their food intake. I doubt you'd say that to a man either; OP's fair game though.

Treat/sharing food isn't the same as dinner/lunch food, it's non-essential. So why can't it be split equally?

[Disfordarkchocolate]

Honestly, take action before you end up with children who have food issues. You cannot allow your children, to have the same food issues as your partner. They will suffer at every party and social occasion and never enjoy meals out, and that's not even thinking about what it could do to their health to have such an unhealthy and controlling relationship with food.

[Very]

@MrsTerryPratchett yes let's not go overboard here. He's a controlling arsehole but OP didn't say he's getting shitfaced each weekend.

I completely agree his behaviour is unacceptable but looking for constructive solutions, that's all.

Frankly I can't keep ice-cream in my house as DH will eat the whole tub. Every time. No moderation at all. I've given up trying to get 'my share' of ice cream and will just buy a Magnum when I want some ice-cream.

Hey ho, we live in an imperfect world.

[MarianaMoatedGrange]

OP this is really really wrong. I repeat, you are an adult. He is not boss over you. Allowing his weird, controlling behaviour to continue will screw up your MH. Also that of your DC. You can leave. Your DC won't be able to for many years.

[0SometimesIWonder]

He has a "Treats Cupboard".
He tells you off.
You have to be allowed to eat those treats... If you are allowed to eat them, he dictates when you are allowed to eat them. Are you five years old and he your parent ?

F.F.S. op, grow a backbone and tell him to do one.
Why on earth do you allow him to abuse you like this ?

[RandomMess]

He is being utterly controlling, refuse to have shared treats anymore.

Tell him you are sick of the aggro they cause so no more sharing.

[NewNameOnSunday]

@Very I don't drink and am breastfeeding along with exercise so am often hungry. I'm still slightly overweight after the pregnancy but not much anymore and have lost a couple of stone this year. DH has a higher BMI than me and drinks like a fish at the weekends so he doesn't need lots of extra calories.

[Lollypop701]

Not normal op... he has food issues and is using you as the scapegoat to hide behind. He is perfectly entitled to his view, you are perfectly entitled to yours. So tell him you are getting 2 of everything each week and you can both choose how to eat. If he doesn’t like it he needs to tell you why ... it’s equal, the current method doesn’t work for you etc. and if he’s still a twat then you tell him he’s won’t have to split anything nut marital assets and children as he’s being a controlling ass!

[mummyway]

Why are you still sharing food with this man child who has a nasty and controlling streak. I'm sorry to sound harsh but this is a major red flag. It's gas lighting and controlling behaviour, he refuses to take your word when you say you have taken half and even after you have weighed food out..... Really. You still carried on sharing food after weighing your food, that's on you.

[NewNameOnSunday]

OP didn't say he's getting shitfaced each weekend.

He kind of does. Last night was nearly 2 bottles of wine, several beers and he sometimes has a G&T too. He thinks it is fine though because he doesn't usually drink Mon-Thurs. He is obsessed with timing of his treats as a method of control and tries to impose it on me.

[ChickenyChick]

This may sound ott but I could not live with someone like this

I had these kind of arguments with my brothers, ...when we were in primary!!!!

Is he a grown up or what?

Who keeps track like this?!

[Very]

OP you're still breastfeeding and he's playing mind games like this? That's not okay in the slightest. What a dick. That's not how most DH's act, and especially not while you're feeding a small person too

[RandomMess]

So we're pretty unanimous at how controlling and awful he is being.

What do you want to do?

[LettuceP]

Dh and I usually get our own treats as we like different flavours of crisps, ice cream etc but if we do share something then it just goes in the middle and we each have as much as we want until either we've had enough or it's finished.

Your dh is REALLY fucking weird! He is behaving like a child, I agree with everyone else that this is about control. Just buy your own and eat it whenever you want, refuse to share anything with him. Tell him this is the way it's going to be from now on and don't let the conversation go any further. Take back the control of what and when you eat.

[00100001]

Jeepers, it's getting worse!

Why does he get to dictate what food you, how much you eat and when you eat it?

[coconutpie]

Jesus Christ OP, this is controlling abusive behaviour. You should really consider leaving him because he'll also start controlling your DC's eating habits too.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

I agree with Wonkybanana, it's a control thing and I'd be suspicious that he's got a chip on his shoulder about the work/childcare dynamics between you and feels the need to regain so sort of dominance over you to put you in what he perceives is your place.

The joking/not joking about it is a nasty trait, he's making you unsure and nervous about eating your food in your fucking home! Not behaviour of a DH.

I bet there's more controlling shit he does and I'd be giving your relationship serious thought especially if he carries on like this.

Buy your own snacks, fuck him if he disapproves. I'd also be looking after myself in bed and I wouldn't hide the fact either.

[00100001]

You either just have to buy your own treats and keep then anywhere but the "treat cupboard", keep refusing to eat when he 'shares' with you.


Or leave him. Can you really imagine living in fear of having a KitKat for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Will he be the only person that decides when your child is allowed a 'treat'?

[TryingToBeBold]

So YOU buy YOURSELF treats. But because you have to share he wont LET YOU eat YOUR treat until he's ready to eat them with you.
And food has gone off before because you've waited so long for him to be ready.

I hope you know that this is not normal..

[MrsTerryPratchett]

He keeps telling me that I have no sense of humour. This might be true. I am waiting for an ASD assessment and there are a lot of things that I don't find funny that others do.

So it's doubly true that it's not a joke. You might not have a sense of humour. That's OK. But if he says you don't, then he knows it's not a joke. It's meanness disguised as a joke.

What do you want to do OP?

[JasonPollack]

That is no way to live. He sounds horribly controlling. Honestly if he can't sort it out and step back then I would think about going your separate ways.

[mummmy2017]

Turn the tables on him.
Grab what you want, half it and say I am having mine Now. So you have to eat yours.
When he acts up, say well I feel like that when you do it too me.