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Original poster

To never want to share food with DH again?

282 replies

NewNameOnSunday · 20/10/2019 15:07

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2019 16:21

Cross-posted. So he's selfish in other areas, mostly to do with pleasure, interestingly. You aren't allowed any pleasure. Weird.

Daddystilllost · 20/10/2019 16:21

@LittleNightmare I'm not trying to be mean. I've just never known such obsessiveness over crisps. From both of them it sounds like. Him initiating this situation and OP's reaction just smacks of the kind of attitude of some people I know who would genuinely knock on your door and ask for the penny you owe them!

Perhaps I'm wrong. I wouldn't put up with his attitude though, that's for sure!!!

AcrossthePond55 · 20/10/2019 16:21

The age-old MN question: did you not notice this before you married him?

DH and I have a similar problem but we regard it as 'just the way we are'. I tend to make treats last and he gobbles them down. Abut either way one of us would go to get something and it would be gone. We just buy two of whatever. It's no big deal to either of us because it solved the problem.

It's your DH's attitude that you must share that's the problem, not the fact that he thinks you take more. Because if it was just that he thought you were 'greedy' he'd gladly agree with 'yours and mine'. He's setting you up to be wrong no matter what you do You're either wrong because you 'take too much' or you're wrong because you don't want to share That's controlling behaviour.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 20/10/2019 16:22

He said he doesn't understand why I don't ask him before I eat stuff. I don't want to have to ask permission before I eat

What????? You are an adult. You work and earn your own money. That is why you don't ask his permission to eat. This is seriously messed up OP. He either gets help for his issues or you'll have to think about splitting up. This is damaging behaviour. He's stressing you out. How will he be with older DC who eat snacks?

Wonkybanana · 20/10/2019 16:23

You share finances, but you're the earner and he's the SAHD. Does he feel tat therefore somehow you're in control and this is his way of getting back at you?

Just a thought, he may just be controlling for the hell of it, but it's no way for you to live. Tell him straight that you're not doing it any more. Go and buy a bagful of the treats you want, and eat them when you want. It would be nice to offer him some, but unfortunately I suspect it would end up in the same argument, so tell him to go and eat his own.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/10/2019 16:23

There are some (crisps) left today but am I allowed them?

Allowed?

ALLOWED!!!!!

EAT THEM!

You live 10 minutes fro a shop - he can get more!

Or you can. I think I'd buy my own and hide them in a secret treats box.

ginghamtablecloths · 20/10/2019 16:23

I expect you weigh it out in front of him. Yes, he is making a massive fuss. I expect the crisp bag is half full of air anyway and therefore portions look measly. Remind him of this.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/10/2019 16:25

I would, however eat them in front of him and whenever I wanted to.

The only reason I would hide them i=would be to stop him from stealing them.

He's a dick!

Original poster
NewNameOnSunday · 20/10/2019 16:26

Him initiating this situation and OP's reaction just smacks of the kind of attitude of some people I know who would genuinely knock on your door and ask for the penny you owe them!

DP is very tight with money, which is weird because I am the only one who is earning now and have made it clear to him that we have lots of savings at the end of every month and he shouldn't worry and it's equally his.

I only keep tabs on what he's eating of shared food because I have to use that to try and work out how much of the remaining amount I can have without being told off. Although the answer is mostly I'll get told off either way, and then sometimes he'll say he was telling me off as a joke (even though he knows this makes me miserable and is not funny) and sometimes he'll say he is serious.

OP posts:
Very · 20/10/2019 16:27

He is way out of line and that is not acceptable.

BUT (just to play devils advocate) I have to point out that on average women only need 2/3 of the calories men do... and I've had to (unwillingly) limit myself to only eating 2/3 of the amount that DH does when it comes to chocolate, crisps... junk food generally. So 100g pack of M&M's: I get about 40g to his 60g. Not half. The same goes for Wine, we don't get to drink the same amount because genetics and bodyweight.

Needless to say if your DH is trying to police your body weight that is completely fucking unacceptable.

But just quietly, should you be eating the same amount of treats as him?

RandomMess · 20/10/2019 16:28

But your own snacks and have your own snack box/cupboard and tell him to accept it or lump it.

MrsJoshNavidi · 20/10/2019 16:29

"You cut, I choose" works well for us Smile

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2019 16:29

A joke is when the other person laughs. It's not a joke.

cacklingmags · 20/10/2019 16:31

OP, your husband is a controlling shite. You are having to ask permission to eat, and dread being told off if you eat at whatever he deems to be the wrong moment. This is off the scale controlling and abusive. I get that you want the relationship to work, but you have to draw some very strong boundaries. If not, in a few years the whole household will be dancing to his tune and your kids will be in danger of eating disorders. Don't argue, don't cry, just do it and tell him to fuck off with his controlling. You are an adult and can eat what the fuck you like and when you like. Shove some of those left over crisps up his arse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/10/2019 16:31

@Very did you miss where he gets pissed and gorges every weekend and she doesn't?

Not the issue anyway because she's a grown up but he gets to pig out when he wants.

3luckystars · 20/10/2019 16:31

We use the rule, one splits, the other picks.

So one person splits it and the other person gets to pick which half they want.

That ends all arguments with the children. Is your husband a bit mean?

Fantie · 20/10/2019 16:31

Just get your own or tell him to shut up

MarianaMoatedGrange · 20/10/2019 16:31

He's weird and controlling about your eating. He's tight about money. To top it off, he's selfish about sex.

What made you think he was ideal marriage and father to your DC material?

BlueJava · 20/10/2019 16:32

I thought this was going to be light hearted - but if he's controlling your food to that extent you need to seriously consider if you can live with that forever. Whilst I was considering my longer term options I'd refuse any "treats" in a kind of offhand way "um.. no not at the moment thanks" and buy my own! It's bizarre he is trying to control you in this way and doesn't seem in any way normal.

Original poster
NewNameOnSunday · 20/10/2019 16:33

A joke is when the other person laughs. It's not a joke.

He keeps telling me that I have no sense of humour. This might be true. I am waiting for an ASD assessment and there are a lot of things that I don't find funny that others do. But even so, I keep telling him how hurtful this is and he keeps doing it. I wouldn't do that to him.

I've told him before that it drives me nuts when he dresses up passive aggressive comments as jokes and then when I tell him I'm upset he tells me it's because I didn't get that he was joking and I'm trying to police everything he says. He says he can't be being passive aggressive because he doesn't know what that means but even if he doesn't know the term he certainly puts it into practice well.

OP posts:
RONNIETRIX · 20/10/2019 16:33

You 're fantastic for taking these kids on. I'm a non breeder not cos I don't love kids but cos I'm always tired as it is!

I love the choc in the bathroom trick.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 20/10/2019 16:35

3luckystars Read all OP's updates. He's mean in other areas than food.

Lipz · 20/10/2019 16:35

That's not fucking normal !!!

I don't know one single person like this. How do you live life that !

We don't share here as we have different tastes and the similar things we like we just eat when we want, I just buy whatever we all like and whoever eats it, eats it, there's no policing it ! You do that when teaching toddlers !

I'd go and eat the rest of the crisps and whatever icecream is there now and even better if he's there, do it in front of him. I'd actually use a big salad spoon or a spatula spoon that you cook with and eat the ice cream making slurping noises and going hmmmmmmmm this is lovely.

UnaCorda · 20/10/2019 16:36

Seems odd behaviour to have to actually physically weigh the portions

Seems entirely reasonable when you have a fuckwit of a husband repeatedly claiming you've taken more than your fair share.

Original poster
NewNameOnSunday · 20/10/2019 16:37

I'd refuse any "treats" in a kind of offhand way "um.. no not at the moment thanks" and buy my own!

If I buy them myself he expects me to share them with him, and seems to expect me to wait until he's in the mood. I bought something ages ago that was new and he didn't want any so I left them all in the stupid Treat Cupboard. Two months later, they still hadn't been eaten so I thought he probably wasn't interested and ate them. A few weeks later he asks me where they were.

I've had treats go off before because he doesn't want to eat them but won't even let me have half until he wants his.

OP posts: