To never want to share food with DH again?

[NewNameOnSunday]

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

[Daddystilllost]

My Lord OP you both sound very very tight and obsessive. Who cares who ate a few extra crisps?!

[Daddystilllost]

People who are extremely & obsessively tight with money can behave in an obsessive manner towards food etc.....

[NewNameOnSunday]

My Lord OP you both sound very very tight and obsessive. Who cares who ate a few extra crisps?!

I don't care but he was out and I wanted some as a snack but I thought I was going to get told off if I did.

[Pretzelcoatl]

I wonder if he spent a lot of time alone prior to being with you. Long-term singles get used to to a sort of “I’ll get 100 grams worth of ___ from this 100 gram package” mentality, so then giving up any feels like they’re being ripped off, if that makes sense.

When sharing stuff, split it into two bowls / portions ahead of time. If he’s one of those who eyeballs both portions intently to compare them... then he really needs to talk to a professional. 😂

[cowfacemonkey]

God what a controlling head fuck! This is very unpleasant behaviour. I have seen this in my friends son who is obsessive about what his sibling has had in term of sweets and if it is fair and equal (well it's ok if he's had more obviously - which I suspect is fine by your DH's standards too). If he goes out for the afternoon the first thing he ask when he gets in is "Has X had sweets/crisps/cake? What did they have? How much?"

You have to put your foot down on this. Tell him it stops today. No more measuring, eating at the same time at his insistence and actually I wouldn't discuss it anymore either after this. You know you are not greedy or taking more than your share and actually so what if you did like you said it isn't like he can't go get himself something from the shop.

[NewNameOnSunday]

He said he doesn't understand why I don't ask him before I eat stuff. I don't want to have to ask permission before I eat.

[GreenTulips]

How’s he going to cope when the kids want to share??

[73Sunglasslover]

We have 2 kids. The rule here is that one person divides the coveted item in 2 and the other person chooses which half they want. This tends to focus the mind of the divider we find! Maybe you could try the same with you OH. He can divide. You choose. He can't then complain (well shouldn't....)

[AnxietyDream]

One cuts the other chooses!

That was the first thing I thought of. But that's what you use with children who haven't learned to be fair yet, not an adult!

I have to say I find sharing a bit stressful (I know this is me being odd!). I don't want to take more than my fair share, but I also can't relax and enjoy the thing if I'm trying to work out what half is the whole time, so we just buy two of things. Then if I'm in the mood to inhale a tub of ice cream I can she in the knowledge DH had his own. Similarly, if I want to save some for a particular night I can knowing no one else will eat it.

[MitziK]

'If you don't shut the fuck up about whether you've got half of the crisps, you can get your solicitor to argue about whether you've got half the value of the house or half the contact with the kids'.

[SuchAToDo]

Buy two ice-cream, buy two crisps, eat what you want of your own and save the rest for later...if you eat less than half or more than half and he comments, tell him it's yours and you can do what you want with your own...

I seriously couldn't share if he was acting that way each time...you need to just buy your own for each of you

[MrsTerryPratchett]

He said he doesn't understand why I don't ask him before I eat stuff.

Have you got properly angry about this? I mean steely-eyes, proper boundaries. If DH said that I would be saying, "it's controlling and nasty to even suggest this. Don't talk to me about food again. I'm an adult and I decide when and what I eat." And I wouldn't be putting up with any more nonsense.

[Daddystilllost]

@NewNameOnSunday Is it your shared home? If so then he has no right to treat you like a child and demand you 'ask' for food. Regardless of who's money bought the food. You're married for goodness sakes!

[AllyBamma]

Super weird, super controlling. You know this isn’t normal and you’re clearly not happy. It sounds like you’ve tried talking to him about this but if he doesn’t see there being a problem, I would leave.

[TryingToBeBold]

Lets just put it this way.
Weve got home from being out. I'm peckish before dinner. I've just had a treat bag of m&ms and a pack of crisps.
Did I ask? Did I fuck. I contribute half to the Bills. I'll eat what I want when I want.
Sometimes often sharebiscuits in the evening but we eat our fill and move on.
I'd only get annoyed if he left none for me.
But fuck all this asking for permission shit.
Next thing he will be telling you that you use too much shower gel or shampoo.. or take too long in the shower..

[Dowser]

I can’t stand greed in any way shape or form
This would not sit well with me

[lynzpynz]

This rings big alarm bells with food and portion control OP, as well as trying to make you eat at certain times, and worst of all making you wonder whether it's OK to finish a packet of crisps?!

Do not over-analyse the little things, look at the big picture and ask yourself if this is one of many controlling behaviours? If so suspect you have a bigger problem which will over time erode your ability to be assertive.

Do not share any food with him, and continue to not eat things at times which do not suit you. Your body, your rules.

[LittleNightmare]

@Daddystilllost. Why does the OP sound tight to you?

@NewNameOnSunday. Fucking hell, how have you not put the twat under the patio?

It’s all utterly ridiculous!

If he thinks it’s ‘nice to share’ he needs to stop being such a negging control freak around food. He’s acting WORSE than a room mate. He’s being nasty (saying you’re greedy & not sharing ) and greedy (policing shares) as well as stupidly childish.

He would be getting the ‘grow up or fuck off’ conversation.

I’d like to bet he’s not great in bed either.

[NewNameOnSunday]

Have you got properly angry about this? I mean steely-eyes, proper boundaries.

More sad than angry, but literally screaming and crying that I can't stand this.

He just doesn't see what's weird and controlling about it. I'm sick of everything being on his terms with food. Having to fit into his schedule. He's got very set ideas about what's OK to eat when and I get that he does it to control what he eats mid-week, but it sure as hell doesn't seem healthy to me as his weekends are excessive and I never gave him permission to control my food intake.

[SunshineCake]

You do have choices, OP.

1. Carry on letting your husband dictate how you live your life never mind how and when you eat.
   

1. Tell him it stops now and mean it.
   

1. Leave him before he starts abusing your children.

[Disfordarkchocolate]

My husband sometimes does this, my reply is to say 'piss right off' and tuck in. He's not an arse though and like someone who loves me he generally dishes it up giving me a bit more if it's something I like, and he gives me the nicer looking bit.

[GreySheep]

He’s got food control issues clearly.

Seriously this is not normal.
You are a couple.
That doesn’t stop you being individuals.

Does he want you both to take a shit at the same time too?

Sorry but he’s fucking weird.

[NewNameOnSunday]

I'd like to bet he’s not great in bed either.

Let's just say that when it comes to foreplay time, he doesn't seem to want me to take half either.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

More sad than angry, but literally screaming and crying that I can't stand this.

And yet, he still does it.

Does he do anything else that's controlling or ignores your wants and needs?

[NearlyGranny]

He has clearly staked a claim to be i/c food which has to be called!

DP, your attempts to police food consumption in the home are not only becoming tiresome and irritating, they are causing me concern for your mental health. If you are genuinely unable to relax around food and let go of your compulsion to police the sharing, timing, storing and consumption of food, you must seek professional help to address and resolve this problem.

I cannot be treated as less than an adult in this way and I will not allow our DC to be exposed to behaviours that could trigger eating disorders.

That could start the ball rolling!