To never want to share food with DH again?

[NewNameOnSunday]

DH is always buying food for us to share (eg big packets of crisps, tubs of ice cream) but then has a go at me when I take my half saying that I have taken more than half.

Sometimes I weigh it out and he still asks "Are you sure that's only half?" repeatedly and incredulously.

He's just done it again today and I'm fucking sick to death of it. We only live 10 minutes from the shop so it's easy to buy more of anything he wants. He just is always acting like I'm a greedy bitch and it makes me feel upset and insecure.

[Singlenotsingle]

Suggestion: the treat cupboard is DH's treat cupboard and everything in there is his. You buy your own treats and keep them separate. And make sure they're things he doesn't like.

My dp and I like different things so we don't have a problem. He likes gingernuts, Garibaldi and cheese and onion crisps. I like shortbread, Brazil nuts and plain crisps.

[AFistfulofDolores1]

OP, it's easier to understand this behaviour if you take it back to your DH's childhood. How he is reacting around food is regressive; he is not being his adult self. This is a primitive, learned response to circumstances where, for example, he had a sibling or a parent with whom he had to share, and where he felt hard done by. You have taken that person's place. It's not rational, nor is it personal - but it has to stop.

[DanielRicciardosSmile]

This would be a line in the sand for me. Either he stops behaving like a pathetic arsehole or he leaves. There's no way I could live like that.

[AFistfulofDolores1]

So the worst way to deal with this is the way that some posters are suggesting, i.e., to play him at his own game. Then, as the phrase suggests, you're simply part of that game, and it's one neither side can ever really win.

[ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt]

He said he doesn't understand why I don't ask him before I eat stuff. I don't want to have to ask permission before I eat.

Nor bloody should you! Christ, what a weirdo.

[DarkerShrimpVase]

Sorry, just accidentally voted YABU instead of YANBU. As you were.

[FinallyHere]

he'll pressure me to

This is not good. It really doesn't matter about the details. Anyone pressuring another adult to do something is just not on.

I'm your example ...

Could he have some old fashioned nonsense in his head. My mother (and my aunts) thought that it was feminine and pleasing to say they only wanted a small portion of things , to leave more for the men.

Again, not a good sign. Don't want to leave to LTB but honestly, are you sure he is right for you ?

Just RTFT and got to the bit about He said he doesn't understand why I don't ask him before I eat stuff. this is either a joke (with the funny bits taken out ) or needing some really serious therapy.

Sorry OP

[DuckonaBike]

Can you propose that you just try having separate treats for say a couple of months? Just tell him that's what you have decided to do. That might improve things. If it doesn't then at least you will know where you stand. He might just be weird or paranoid around food but it does sound rather as if he is trying to control you.

[itbemay1]

This is crazy! If me and DH ever share anything he always offers me the lions share, odd behaviour, I wouldn't be sharing with him anymore OP

[alexdgr8]

do you want to spend the rest of your life like this.
point out that he is your child's parent. he is not your parent.
and by the way this could have a negative effect on your child's development, it is not a healthy model.
time for you to take your place as an adult in this set=up.
maybe consider counselling.
good luck.

[MarianaMoatedGrange]

Posters please read OP's updates. It's not just about sharing treats. It's him controlling WHEN OP eats as well. Also tight with money and selfish in bed. As a pp said upthread, it's about controlling anything that OP should take peasure in.

[Nanny0gg]

To be spiteful, I'd tell him that whilst I was paying for the food in the house I'd eat as much of it as I wanted as and when I wanted.

But what I think is a better idea would be to leave. This is a very unhealthy relationship.

[AnxietyDream]

So 100g pack of M&M's: I get about 40g to his 60g. Not half.

Men (on average) need more calories than women. They don't need more treats . It's fine if that's how you've decided to do it, but a bit fucking odd that you think anyone else should.

DH and I split treats 50/50 and he gets his extra calories through proper food (we're not actually eating the m&ms for their nutritional content!).

[rowrowrowyaboat]

Just LTB op. Lifes too short for this fuckery.

[dramaticpenguin]

Does he have older siblings? I look after a little girl obsessed with getting her fair share before others can get any, she gets very anxious about it...

[billy1966]

Poor OP,

Another nice woman living with an abusive asshole.

Think long and hard about living the rest of your life with this nasty piece of work.

Definitely think about it before you consider having anymore children.

It reads to me as if you are living on your nerves.

You poor poor woman.

What a pig.
💐

[TheSandman]

Use the "one person cuts, the other person chooses" method. Works with my kids. but it seems like pretty puerile behaviour to me. How old is this berk?

[rainbowunicorn]

Why the fuck are you with this prick? Get out and take your kid with you. What a complete bastard.
You work he stays at home then he dictates when you eat or not tell him to get to fuck. If it is your house kick him out. If it is his leave and get somewhere on your own with the money that you earn.

[NearlyGranny]

Hmm, he isn't trying to impose his weird timing system on you, OP, is he? He HAS imposed it!

This is so off and weird. Not the least bit normal or nice. He is clearly driven by a need to control you and ration your pleasures. The amount he's binge-drinking at weekends is staggering and given that he has small children it's cause for concern for more than just his health. If he's hungover when you leave for work, how can he parent safely? If he isn't hungover after that much, he's an alcoholic already.

[BuildBuildings]

Thus isn't normal behaviour from him op. I'm pleased you recognise that. From your posts it's hard to tell if he's a controlling entitled twat or he doesn't realise how much impact his own dietary control has on you. I'm sure when you're breastfeeding you're really hungry so especially don't need him monitoring your food intake.

It sounds like he's just become used to calling the shots. Which is unacceptable. I'd be really focused on dealing with this before he passes on these issues to your child. I'd buy my own stuff and repeatedly emphasise he's given you no other choice. Or LTB.

[Prokupatuscrakedatus]

Reading the updates - he'd either have to seriously grow up (if it is some kind of throwback to childhood) or - and very much more likely as OP has DC with him and is being assessed and so in a vulnerable position - this is him being nasty, controlling, training OP to "behave".
I'd be very careful.

[BarbaraofSeville]

Sounds like he expects to get more of the treats and he's getting pissy because the OPs having the same amount as he is.

You also mention he's funny about when you have the treats. So if there's something unopened in the cupboard and he wants some but you don't, does he actually leave half for you or has he eaten it all when you decide you want some?

Sounds like you might have to hide your half so you don't miss out. Also have words about him being less selfish.

[CravingCheese]

I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanted to make sure that I get some too." He says he can't remember this happening that often but he does it at least once a week.

Sounds annoying as fuck.
One person cuts, the other person chooses. Or you just stop sharing food... I couldn't deal with that.

And I'd feel as if my DH was telling me off for eating. Or telling me that I'm fat. (I'm really not. I'm just pregnant... And I currently feel fat.)

Anyway. YADefinitelyNBU!!

[StarBubbles]

Me and my family are the kind of people who take halving things pretty seriously. If we have pizza, we count the number of slices, count how many people there are, and announce to the table how many pieces everyone is allowed so everyone gets the same amount of pieces (usually there's a couple left over), we see if anyone still wants more at the end, and use a sharp pizza cutter to carefully divide the remaining pieces between the people who want more at the end. We do this with things like chocolate bars too (though not with a pizza cutter!)
I know we sound weird and anal, but because we're all weird and anal it works out for us. So long as everyone eats the right number of pieces, we're all happy, and there's never an argument, because all we want is for it to be fairly divided.
Your DH doesn't sound like he's just "anal about dividing things fairly," because when you do divide it fairly (even weighing it out! My family rarely go that far, but we'd be impressed by the precision), he doesn't like it. This isn't about him wanting it to be fair, this is about him wanting to control you.

Please think about leaving him. It's not okay for you to be afraid to eat in your own home, or feel forced to eat when you don't want to. It's your money and your food, you should be able to decide.

[BarbaraofSeville]

I look after a little girl obsessed with getting her fair share before others can get any, she gets very anxious about it

There's been a few threads about people scoffing all the treats the second they enter the house and if you don't want any until later you get nothing because it's all been finished off by someone else. That's probably what that little girl and the OP are up against.