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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

385 replies

3ll3nor · 20/10/2019 13:31

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

OP posts:
MollyButton · 31/10/2019 21:31

Don't be ashamed to be on benefits - you are contributing a lot to society by looking after your DC. You are saving "society" a lot of money in looking after your son with SN yourself.
When filling in the DLA, if you get stuck you could try posting in the SN Chat area, or even in the "Goose and Carrot" thread there. There are a lot of knowledgeable people around.

Newcatmum · 31/10/2019 21:32

It also depends on your bedroom entitlement how much housing benefit you will be paid. So if your rent is a lot more than your bedroom entitlement that would explain why your rent is 90% of your UC entitlement. For example my bedroom entitlement works out at £425 per month but my rent is £475 so I have to pay the extra £50 each month.

Try not to feel embarrassed, it's him that should be embarrassed that he's left you in this situation. I rely solely on benefits too and it does drag you down but keep telling yourself it's only temporary but don't push yourself back into work until you are better and ready.

Toddlersaresuchadelight · 31/10/2019 22:06

The whole point of benefits is that they support those who need it, ensure nobody goes without a home and food and make sure all children have their basic needs met. You deserve them. I am always happy to know that some of the tax I pay goes towards helping people like you. And that, if I ever need them, I would be helped too.
Take the help you need. Do not go back to work earlier than you're mentally (and practically) ready to. In the long run, that would be much worse for you and your children.
It is frustrating that some people abuse the system but I'd rather that than there be no help for those who genuinely need it, like you.
You're amazing and should be proud that you're doing the absolute best thing for you and your children. Keep being you, lovely. You rock.

Catmaiden · 31/10/2019 22:07

Yes if you don't get DLA put in a mandatory reconsideration immediately. DS got PIP as a result (ASD, Dyspraxia, GAD, Depression, went from 1 point after the f2f interview, to 13 in the reconsideration, based on the same evidence)

AlpacaGoodnight · 01/11/2019 12:23

I don't have any helpful advice but I just want to say well done for being so pro active and please don't feel ashamed at all, benefits are there for those that need them and at the current time you need them. I hope you get more than you think you will. Stay strong Flowers

MyNameIsArthur · 06/11/2019 17:10

Hi OP

I did post this earlier down the thread but think it worth posting again in case you missed it.

On the website below, if you put in your postcode, it provides details of organisations in your area that provide one off grants if you are a single parent or have a disabled child.

Best of luck Flowers

longtimelurkerhelen · 07/11/2019 16:05

You will be entitled to more than that, have you tried the link above?

Also when you get the inevitable knock back with the DLA, you have to then ask for the mandatory reconsideration, which you will more than likely get a knock back on, you then will have to go to the tribunal appeal which has a 75% success rate. Just be as factual as you can as to how much help and assistance you DC needs. List the stuff he needs to keep safe (the headgear etc) take copies of everything you send and send everything in writing to the DWP.

Hope you are feeling okay and best of luck. Flowers

Ifartglitterybaubles · 07/11/2019 16:15

Hi OP, just wanted to add a link to Cerebra, it's a great guide for helping you with the dreaded DLA forms, I used this to help me with Ds1's application form pre diagnosis (ASD) and we were awarded. Hth.

cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/

FairyJuice · 14/11/2019 21:38

How are you doing now op? Have you managed to sort out your entitlements?

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